I am at my wit's end with my son and thought I would reach out to other parents and/or teachers in hopes of some suggestions, advice etc.
Let me start by saying, that he is a good kid - he's friendly, helpful to others, empathetic, caring, has never really had behavior problems (outside of being a mouthy teen at times lol), polite etc. My frustration comes from his bad grades, lack of motivation, and basically lack of regard for anything that doesnt involve entertaining him it seems.
He is a bright child, always has been. In 3rd grade FCAT tests it showed that he understood reading on a 7th grade level and math on a 10th grade level. This kids grasp of math and the ability to quickly figure out math problems in his head really is awesome. As a matter of fact, up until this year he has never received anything but an A in math. HIs elementary grades were always good - A's & B's - and the only complaint we ever rec'd was that he was a little too talkative at times.
Oh but it all went downhill once middle school started (he is in 8th grade right now). He started 6th grade in a Magnet Program, which is an advanced program within the school. You have to receive certain grades to get in and maintain certain grades to stay in. Well, in 2 of his classes he didnt meet the requirements and went back to a "traditional" curriculum. While my hubby and I were upset, we thought, ok, its not the end of the world, lets work with him to get the grades up and we can try magnet again in high school because we know he is definitely smart enough for it. Honestly, now Im at a point I will just be happy if he makes it through high school. Its sad, its frustrating and I dont know what to do anymore.
Every year has been a constant struggle with his grades and with doing assignments. My honor roll student is now bringing home grades that I am not happy with at all, grades that do not reflect what he is capable of. He has brought home D's on his report card - not every subject - but even one is one too many in my book. I dont even like to see a C, only because I know he is capable of much more. If I honestly believed he tried his hardest and a C was the best he could do, I would be ok with that though. ANd he knows this. He has brought home F's on his progress reports (they get report cards every 6 weeks, with progress reports in bewteen). We find out through a website called Parent Connect that he has missing assignments all the time. Some of these assignments are classwork he didnt get done, because I assume he was too busy talking or not paying attention, some are homework that i guess he just didnt feel like doing. He's not finishing or hell in one case, even turning in projects. Some tests and quizzes are good, others not good. The final straw was last night - we found out that he is getting a 39% currently in Algebra and has 5 missing assignments. 39%??? I was LIVID! More so by the fact that this class is a good opportunity for him - it is an advanced class and if he gets a B or better he gets high school credit for it. I was so mad at him last night that I was yelling and that made him upset. I even yelled the phrase "apparently you dont give a rat's ass about school work or your grades". Ok, not a parent-like thing to say, but to say I was frustrated would be an understatement. You can only imagine how bad I felt for having said this. Even though Im a parent, Im also a real person - one who gets upset and says things out of anger sometimes. We all went to bed upset last night, which bothers me. At one point this year he had like 15 missing assignments in various classes. When I ask him why something didnt get done I always get "i dont know" or "well no one else got it done in class either". When you ask if he has any missing assignments he used to say "i dont think so" When I asked him last week if he had any he said no, to which I said good job honey, Im proud of you for trying to bring you grades up this semester and getting your work done. Well dont I feel like the fool now...
We have tried telling him how important school, doing your best and pride in your work are. And that good grades/scores and good study habits are needed for college. College equals getting a degree in engineering (which for a few years now he has wanted to go into, I know things change, he is only 13, but he has a real aptitude towards it). We have tried everything we can think of to help him. He is very unorganized. So we thought maybe thats the key. We bought him extra folders to keep just homework assignments in. We got a planner for him to write down daily assignments, upcoming tests, projects etc and generally what he has done in class. That is hit or miss. We established that he is not to go outside or turn on the tv until he gets homework done. But obviously all the times he tells us he has no work to do is just so he can go outside with his friends - judging by the missing assignments. We have rewarded him for good grades. We have punished him by taking away priviledges for bad grades. We let him know ALL THE TIME that we are available for homework help - ANYTIME. We have tried the "all up in your business" route and the back off and let him learn from his own mistakes and the consequences of those mistakes route. Neither have worked it seems. We have talked till we have nothing left to say (which by the length of this post is a lot for me). We try to get him to read the newspaper (or anything outside his norm genre) or watch some tv that isnt just entertaining, but educational as well - history channel, Discovery/Discovery Kids channel, learning channel etc. You would think we were punishing him by doing that, the way he moans and groans about it. Nothing seems to work. He is forgetful - unless its something that benefits him. If I ask him to do something, 9 out of 10 times he forgets. If I were to tell him though that on Thursday Dec 27 at 9:16 am we were going to go the mall, park in the north lot, row J, 3 spaces to the left, go into the mall and get him a new video game - he would remember every detail of that.
We dont ask a lot of him...school is his number one job. Outside of that we only ask him to help out with things like trash, folding towels and unloading/loading the dishwasher. Thats it. I believe in letting a kid be a kid. We try not to put more pressure on him than a teen coming into puberty already has LOL. But he is 13 and in 8th grade now. He has to start becoming more motivated, serious about his studies and responsible. I really believe college = more choices in life, more opportunities. How do I get him to understand that? Can you get a teenager to realize the importance of that? While I realize that college isnt the route for everyone, this habit of just doing enough to get by, and sometimes even not that much is a hard row to hoe? Hard work and dedication are the foundation of being successful in most things you do - work, relationships, school etc. How do I get him to understand AND apply that? Im so upset by this...I dont know what to do anymore. I want to pull my hair out Im so frustrated. Im almost to the point where I just want to throw out the white flag and surrender and let him find out what the consequences are when you dont apply yourself or work hard.
If only he would be half as concerned with school as he is hanging with friends & video games...
Im sorry this is so long, but as you can tell this is a struggle in our family and its really wearing me out. I appreciate any tips, advice - anything. Thank you!
Let me start by saying, that he is a good kid - he's friendly, helpful to others, empathetic, caring, has never really had behavior problems (outside of being a mouthy teen at times lol), polite etc. My frustration comes from his bad grades, lack of motivation, and basically lack of regard for anything that doesnt involve entertaining him it seems.
He is a bright child, always has been. In 3rd grade FCAT tests it showed that he understood reading on a 7th grade level and math on a 10th grade level. This kids grasp of math and the ability to quickly figure out math problems in his head really is awesome. As a matter of fact, up until this year he has never received anything but an A in math. HIs elementary grades were always good - A's & B's - and the only complaint we ever rec'd was that he was a little too talkative at times.
Oh but it all went downhill once middle school started (he is in 8th grade right now). He started 6th grade in a Magnet Program, which is an advanced program within the school. You have to receive certain grades to get in and maintain certain grades to stay in. Well, in 2 of his classes he didnt meet the requirements and went back to a "traditional" curriculum. While my hubby and I were upset, we thought, ok, its not the end of the world, lets work with him to get the grades up and we can try magnet again in high school because we know he is definitely smart enough for it. Honestly, now Im at a point I will just be happy if he makes it through high school. Its sad, its frustrating and I dont know what to do anymore.
Every year has been a constant struggle with his grades and with doing assignments. My honor roll student is now bringing home grades that I am not happy with at all, grades that do not reflect what he is capable of. He has brought home D's on his report card - not every subject - but even one is one too many in my book. I dont even like to see a C, only because I know he is capable of much more. If I honestly believed he tried his hardest and a C was the best he could do, I would be ok with that though. ANd he knows this. He has brought home F's on his progress reports (they get report cards every 6 weeks, with progress reports in bewteen). We find out through a website called Parent Connect that he has missing assignments all the time. Some of these assignments are classwork he didnt get done, because I assume he was too busy talking or not paying attention, some are homework that i guess he just didnt feel like doing. He's not finishing or hell in one case, even turning in projects. Some tests and quizzes are good, others not good. The final straw was last night - we found out that he is getting a 39% currently in Algebra and has 5 missing assignments. 39%??? I was LIVID! More so by the fact that this class is a good opportunity for him - it is an advanced class and if he gets a B or better he gets high school credit for it. I was so mad at him last night that I was yelling and that made him upset. I even yelled the phrase "apparently you dont give a rat's ass about school work or your grades". Ok, not a parent-like thing to say, but to say I was frustrated would be an understatement. You can only imagine how bad I felt for having said this. Even though Im a parent, Im also a real person - one who gets upset and says things out of anger sometimes. We all went to bed upset last night, which bothers me. At one point this year he had like 15 missing assignments in various classes. When I ask him why something didnt get done I always get "i dont know" or "well no one else got it done in class either". When you ask if he has any missing assignments he used to say "i dont think so" When I asked him last week if he had any he said no, to which I said good job honey, Im proud of you for trying to bring you grades up this semester and getting your work done. Well dont I feel like the fool now...
We have tried telling him how important school, doing your best and pride in your work are. And that good grades/scores and good study habits are needed for college. College equals getting a degree in engineering (which for a few years now he has wanted to go into, I know things change, he is only 13, but he has a real aptitude towards it). We have tried everything we can think of to help him. He is very unorganized. So we thought maybe thats the key. We bought him extra folders to keep just homework assignments in. We got a planner for him to write down daily assignments, upcoming tests, projects etc and generally what he has done in class. That is hit or miss. We established that he is not to go outside or turn on the tv until he gets homework done. But obviously all the times he tells us he has no work to do is just so he can go outside with his friends - judging by the missing assignments. We have rewarded him for good grades. We have punished him by taking away priviledges for bad grades. We let him know ALL THE TIME that we are available for homework help - ANYTIME. We have tried the "all up in your business" route and the back off and let him learn from his own mistakes and the consequences of those mistakes route. Neither have worked it seems. We have talked till we have nothing left to say (which by the length of this post is a lot for me). We try to get him to read the newspaper (or anything outside his norm genre) or watch some tv that isnt just entertaining, but educational as well - history channel, Discovery/Discovery Kids channel, learning channel etc. You would think we were punishing him by doing that, the way he moans and groans about it. Nothing seems to work. He is forgetful - unless its something that benefits him. If I ask him to do something, 9 out of 10 times he forgets. If I were to tell him though that on Thursday Dec 27 at 9:16 am we were going to go the mall, park in the north lot, row J, 3 spaces to the left, go into the mall and get him a new video game - he would remember every detail of that.
We dont ask a lot of him...school is his number one job. Outside of that we only ask him to help out with things like trash, folding towels and unloading/loading the dishwasher. Thats it. I believe in letting a kid be a kid. We try not to put more pressure on him than a teen coming into puberty already has LOL. But he is 13 and in 8th grade now. He has to start becoming more motivated, serious about his studies and responsible. I really believe college = more choices in life, more opportunities. How do I get him to understand that? Can you get a teenager to realize the importance of that? While I realize that college isnt the route for everyone, this habit of just doing enough to get by, and sometimes even not that much is a hard row to hoe? Hard work and dedication are the foundation of being successful in most things you do - work, relationships, school etc. How do I get him to understand AND apply that? Im so upset by this...I dont know what to do anymore. I want to pull my hair out Im so frustrated. Im almost to the point where I just want to throw out the white flag and surrender and let him find out what the consequences are when you dont apply yourself or work hard.
If only he would be half as concerned with school as he is hanging with friends & video games...
Im sorry this is so long, but as you can tell this is a struggle in our family and its really wearing me out. I appreciate any tips, advice - anything. Thank you!
