How do you explain Gay (again)...

[csdax]

I was reading some of the old posts and wanted to comment, but I remember reading something in the "Read this before you post" section (yes, I did actually read that bit!) about not bumping old threads, so I thought I'd better start a new one.

Just wanted to share a facebook post I saw about 'explaining gay':

I've been forced to explain homosexuality to my kids (aged 3 and 4) because their uncle is gay. This incredibly difficult and traumatic experience went as follows:

Child: "Why does Uncle Bob go everywhere with Pete?"
Me: "Because they're in love, just like Mummy and Daddy are."
Child: "Oh. Can I have a biscuit?"

We're all scarred for life. Scarred, I tell you!

 

[cybele]

Hehe, thats very funny.

 

[Xero]

Hahaha. Truly traumatic experience. Poor kids.

 

[BabyAngel]

Pretty close to my explanation of it to my daughter !!

Her answer : oh, ok ! So girls can love girls, and boys can love boys ?
Yes, yes they can
oh, ok !

 

[Alison1968]

I saw a beautiful thing recently - a field trip of about thirty 15/16 year olds, walking across a field. They were all enjoying the countryside, mostly walking in pairs or small groups. Among them walked 2 young guys who were holding hands. It was a truly heartwarming thing to see.
Some people are gay - end of story!

 

[cybele]

Alison, that makes me happy to hear, and it also makes me happy to hear that there are people out there who find that heartwarming.

Unforunately, not everyone finds it so, and this is one of those topics that people feel they should make themselves heard about, even if it means screaming obscenities at two teenager they dont know in the middle of the shops, as an example.

 

[IADad]

hmmmm, now I want a cookie...

csdax, you get a gold star for reading and following the rules, and another for such a delightful post. Having a rough day, it's nice to read something positive.

 

[csdax]

lol. Thanks IADad! Hope your day is improving

 

[bssage]

That just seem Nuts (pun not intended but OK) that you would "have to" explain gay or heterosexual to a four or five year old.

 

[mom2many]

I had the same thought...."someone read the rules" lol

Bssage, kids notice things. Not all kids that age would but if you know one gay couple the question is bound to arise.

 

[parentastic]

Yep. When it comes to human relationship, adults ascribe a lot more into it than kids...

I thought I'd add some more positive into this thread: this picture was taken at the first gay marriage ever in New York:

 

[Xero]

Oh I love that! ^

 

[csdax]

That just seem Nuts (pun not intended but OK) that you would "have to" explain gay or heterosexual to a four or five year old.

I guess it depends on what you mean by this.

If you mean that kids wouldn't ask or don't need to know at that age, then I disagree. Kids notice and ask questions about everything, and the way I see it is that if they're old enough to ask the question, they're old enough to be given an answer.

If you mean that being gay needs no 'explanation', then I completely agree. My oldest daughter hasn't asked about this yet, and the subject has never come up. When it does, I won't be attempting to 'explain' about why some people prefer the same sex and some prefer the opposite sex, I will simply be stating that <I>'that's just the way it is'</I>!

(I thought my oldest was asking about homosexuality, once, when she said "Mom, can girls marry other girls?" I simply said "Yes. Why do you ask?" Then I found out it was just that she wanted to marry her sister! Now there's a whole other subject!)

 

[bssage]

What I meaeeeenn is that we have spend may pages and a uncountable number of post on this topic on this one small forum. I do not believe the nuts and bolts can be comprehended by most adults let alone a 5 yr old. some cursory generalities yes. I would give a brief they love each other answer or something like that. I just think its a little to young to be getting into the discrimination and tolerance stuff. I cover that with Cole 11 now. But even then in small doses.

Even my tolerance lectures would be quick and superficial at that point. I am not sure I could explain gay myself. I would just describe heterosexuality and tell them to make them both girls or boys.

I guess I have really never cared if someone was gay or not. To me its a non-event that has been given a title. Just two people who like each other and want to neck.

Really two girls dryhumping in public is just as uncomfortable to me as a man and a woman.

 

[cybele]

Well I hope we dont come across too many dry humping in public people in the course of our days... HAHA.


I think it depends on the situation, I believe in answering, or trying to answer any questions my kids ask (within reason, ie, "Why? Why? Why? Why?" does not fit in there) I would assume, that Sasha has more questions than any other kid in his kinder class, why? Because he constantly see's his oldest sister kissing a girl, so its natural that in a world where the norm is "girls kiss boys" he's going to go "Mum, whats going on here?"

And he does have questions, and he's 4, so he asks them freely,
"So girls can kiss girls and boys?"
"Can Dita and Violet get married like you and Daddy?"
"Why cant they get married if they love each other?"
"Can I kiss boys?"
"Why did that lady scream something mean out at the shops?"
"So-and-so said his Mum said that he cant come over to play because I live in a fa**ot house, what does that mean?"

So yeah, we do have to get into discrimination and whats going on here, I try to keep it as simple as possible, but im not going to lie to him about this. He has a pretty good grasp of whats going on.

Sunny and Lux still have trouble getting their heads around the prejudice, because simply, they dont see two girls, they see their sister, who they love, and Violet who they adore, so its hard for them to understand why people have an issue with this, because while "Some people cannot understand that it is not wrong" works for Sash, he goes "Oh, well thats dumb" and skips off, because theyre older, they cant accept that, they stand there and go "Well, why? Whats wrong with these people?" and I cant answer that, because when it comes down to it, I have the same questions.


So I think how much you need to go into is a case-by-case thing. If a child dosent see the discrimination, then "because they love each other" cuts it. If they do, then its probably not going to.

 

[IADad]

I know my 5 yo is keenly interested in who can marry whom, even though he's pretty shaky on what marriage is. He thought mom and I broke up because I kissed grandma goodbye...so, yes, lots of nuts and bolts to figure out, but we answer his questions, and just that, we don't get into territory he's not asking about and not prepared to process.

I like the answer about uncle gray and bo or whatever the names were...makes sense, doesn't get into right and wrong and judging.

I believe we've been asked if marriage has to be between a man and a woman, and the answer was, "it most often is, but it's legal in our state for men to marry men and women to marry women. Our church doesn't see that as a marriage, but in our family we think it's fine however people want to love and care for each other." Haven't had a followup question yet.

 

[Aponder]

Best explanation I've seen.
I was expecting something about hotdogs and buns... j/k

And remember fellas... Every time you see two guys kissin', that's two more gurls fer you!