How do you keep your kids safe?...

[3peewees]

There were 2 girl cousins abducted in my state July 13 of this year. It has really made me re-evaluate how I should educate my kids to be smart not paranoid. It has been hard trying to explain that these girls may never come home. My son has a blog and wrote about them not being able to go school shopping or to be tucked in at night. What are certain things you teach your kids about strangers? What are things that you do at home and in public to keep them safe?
I have gone over stranger danger, 911, don't leave the yard (we have a 1/2 acre) always go outside with a buddy. I am fortunate enough to be able to take my kids and pick them up from school so I always tell them never leave the school without us (parents or grandparents). But now it's like i wont even let them go in their own backyard without me being out there vs watching from the window while doing chores. I was just wondering what other parents do to protect your little ones

 

[akmom]

Child abductions are extremely rare, and most of the time it is a relative that takes them. There are a lot of responsibilities as a parent, and preventing your children from getting kidnapped is only one of them. I think you should keep it in perspective, and not make your lives revolve around that one remote possibility. Because frankly, an abductor seeking random children will probably be deterred by any reasonable precautions you take. They're unlikely to snatch a kid from your back yard if you are home. Either you would see him/her approaching, or you'd hear your child yell when taken; either way, it would result in a prompt 911 call, a chase involving at least you, and inevitably an entire community hunting down the abductor. The chances of success are remote, the risks are great, and the abductor probably understands that. Whether you're inside the house or parked on a lawn chair three feet from your child, the scenario is likely to play out the same way.

Unfortunately, a truly determined abductor will probably be able to circumvent all your precautions. Unless you're armed to the teeth, you alone won't be able to foil a good premeditated abduction anyway... even if you're right there.

There's also a remote possibility you may be gunned down by a psychopath wherever you go. Do you wear a bullet-proof vest just in case?

 

[bssage]

This is a never ending thing. Been doing it since Cole was old enough to understand my words.

I am very specific about respecting adults and the jobs or titles. But at the same time I explain that none of these things trump what he know's is right or wrong. If he is ever uncomfortable with someone I DONT CARE WHO IT IS. He has my permission to do what it takes to get to a safe place. I also spend a lot of time explaining I am not afraid of anyone when it comes to my kids. If someone were to threaten to hurt us to get him to comply he should not be concerned. Its not and never will be a threat to us. It would be total crap and he needs to know that.

 

[3peewees]

Bullet proof vest? Huh I guess I need 5
I guess it's just being a parent and natural stress. i mean I can't be within 3 feet constantly/hover parent. I guess just keep doing what I am doing and keeping them informed. Very good points, thanks to you both!

 

[singledad]

Safety is a majour issue for me. I'm from SA... last time I checked, our crime levels were among the highest in the world. Statistically, she has 1 in 4 chance of being raped before she is 18. I find that absolutely terrifying.

Here are some of the things I do:
First, I keep her safe as much as possible - she is not to leave the yard without me, or open the gate, or even less so the door to anyone. When we walk in public, she holds my hand, unless it is very quiet, in which case she may walk in front of me. I have to always be able to at least see her.

She doesn't go to anyone's house without me, unless I know the family well. I'd much rather invite kids over to my place, with one or both parents if they want, than to let her go to someone I don't know.

My daughter has a bracelet with her name, my name and my cell number on it. The rule is that if we are in public and she can't find me, she is go to anything that looks like a desk - a cashier, information, whatever, and ask them to call me. Thank goodness, this has never been necessary.

She will be getting her first cellphone for her 6th birthday in October. Yes, go ahead and tell me she is too young and in how much trouble it will get her. I don't care. I'm getting a package that will allow me to specify the numbers she can contact and that can contact her - me, my brother, my SIL, my GF, her best friend's mom. That's it. No friends yet - that will come when she is significantly older. It will go into her bag, switched off, and she is to use it whenever she finds herself in any situation that she doesn't know how to handle, or that makes her uncomfortable. For me that is a safety issue - my daughter must be able to reach me if she needs help.

I try to empower her, by teaching her how to handle various situations, and letting her handle as much as she is able to (of course, with supervision when required). This range from something as small as finding her own way from the school entrance to her classroom, to bigger things, such as knowing what she can do if she can't find me in a public place. We often play the "what-if" game - I give her a scenario, and she tells me how she would handle it, and then we discuss it if necessary.

Like bssage have taught his kid, I have also taught her that she need not allow anyone to do anything that makes her feel uncomfortable. And when she gets uneasy, she is allowed to get herself to a safe place by whatever means necessary. I have never, I will never tell her to trust anyone. She's allowed to make up her own mind. And like bssage, I have taught her that I can defend myself - she need never feel responsible for my safety. (I may have hinted at something bordering on super-powers).

The bathing-costume rule - no one is allowed to touch her in areas that is covered by her bathing costume. Also, she is not required to touch anyone anywhere they tell her to.

As soon as she is old enough, I will also enroll her in self-defense classes. For those times when I'm not there to keep her safe.

 

[MNDad]

There was a Dateline program earlier this spring that talked about stranger danger using a pretty classic example: an ice cream truck where the driver invites the kids inside for a tour. We had Morgan watch the show with us. Now if you ask him (which we do every once in a while to be sure), he will tell you what he should do if someone tries to force him to go somewhere, etc.

That said, I believe I am more on the relaxed side of things. To echo akmom, some of that is because it's sadly not going to matter how closely we watch our kids - it takes a split second for a determined abductor to act. I'm not saying that makes me indifferent, but I do think it adds to my reasoning here.

We live in a complex of rental townhomes in a decent area of South Minneapolis. Morgan is to follow two rules: 1) No going beyond our front courtyard area (which is large enough for ample play), and 2) No going in other kids' houses without specifically telling me and confirming that a parent is present. Other than that, I keep the blinds open and usually a window cracked even when it's hot so I can look and listen for him at any point. Basically, I only feel the need to check on him if I don't hear his voice for more than a few minutes at a time.

I carry on with my normal chores or whatever else I have to do while he is outside. I believe in playing outside as a kid. I am just young enough to have had the luxury of cable TV and video games available at all times, but I was pretty much outside every day it wasn't raining from about 8 a.m. till dark (which is about 9:30 p.m. here in the summer). Our parents had to practically drag us inside just to eat. Then again, we lived in an excellent neighborhood at the time, and all the parents kind of watched the whole block together, if that makes sense. The same thing happens where we live now, although to a little lesser extent.

My point is that I believe in allowing kids to be kids. They should be outside playing. Unless this neighborhood becomes completely unsafe, I wouldn't feel right making Morgan stay inside or only go out if I'm out there too.

 

[tadamsmar]

I your kid gets molested, it most likely a relative, someone you are paying to watch the kid, or someone connected to one of your worthy causes or your church.

 

[tadamsmar]

Living near a non-vaccinator is more dangerous to your kid than living near a convicted child molestor.

This is true even if your kid is fully up-to-date on vaccinations.

 

[3peewees]

Yes that ice cream truck experiment was pretty amazing. It put kids in a very real situation and surprises the parents how their kids would really act even after all the teaching/training those parents gave them. I have also thought about giving my 7 year old our 3rd cell line we have but my kids don't walk home from school and are just about always picked up by myself/hubby/grandparets. I was raised the same way where I have meet the parents before my kids go and I too prefer them at my house. Or if I get along very well I will just stay with my kids during the play date. I would not be opposed to a tracking chip for kids ( like for dogs) it would immediately let parents/cops know if the kid was missing.
I do not want my kids living in fear of being kids and just having fun I just want them to know that not all people are good. Are there apps like for missing kids or gps type apps that would allow parents to track kids when they carried their cell phone? I know it would be unable to track unless the phone is i would assume if it was a downloaded app but I was just curious?

 

[singledad]

I your kid gets molested, it most likely a relative, someone you are paying to watch the kid, or someone connected to one of your worthy causes or your church.

Absolutely. This cannot be said often enough times!

It is also my reason for these points:

She doesn't go to anyone's house without me, unless I know the family well.

she need not allow anyone to do anything that makes her feel uncomfortable. And when she gets uneasy, she is allowed to get herself to a safe place by whatever means necessary. I have never, <U>I will never tell her to trust anyone. She's allowed to make up her own mind</U>. And like bssage, I have taught her that I can defend myself - she need never feel responsible for my safety. (I may have hinted at something bordering on super-powers).

The bathing-costume rule - no one is allowed to touch her in areas that is covered by her bathing costume. Also, she is not required to touch anyone anywhere they tell her to.

 

[akmom]

You know, singledad, I don't think it's unreasonable for a 6-year-old to have a cell phone either. My husband had a good laugh when our first grader asked for one, but I think it's a good idea. We may have grown up without them, but to be honest, I can think of a lot of times as a kid when it would have been useful. My parents forgot to pick me up from my bus stop several times (it was 3 miles from my house), I was once cornered by a vicious dog at the bus stop, I was lost in the woods several times, stranded in a snowbank when I started driving, and forced to wait my turn for landlines at friends' houses.

But the main reason I support kids having a cell phones was an incident with my sister when we were teens. She went to a friend's house, where she frequently went, and later that evening my dad said he was going to get her. He had no reason; he just felt uneasy. It turns out that she and a couple friends were stranded there by some boys who refused to let them use the phone or leave, and it being winter, they weren't really dressed to walk far. So when my dad showed up, everyone was wanting a ride out of there, and yet no one has any idea what prompted him to go there in the first place. Intuition, I guess. A cell phone would have solved the problem too.

 

[Mom2all]

I like all of these ideas. I did all those, Singledad, except the cell phone and super power. Why of why didn't I think I had super power???

Some other things to include...

If someone were to grab them.. crying and screaming won't get attention. There are too many crying screaming kids with parents dragging them off. " Help...This is not my parent, this is a stranger" is better to scream.

We had fire drills at my house. And because of the particular domestic situation my Mom was in, "we had If something bad happens drills", for instance if they heard me yelling, (out the back door quietly, to the neighbors to ask for help). We practiced a lot. Once, my house caught on fire and burned completely. My children ran to the neighbors just like we practiced.

And 3rd, check the kids schools. They have some pretty good "plans" for keeping your kids safe but they do not always use them. I had even went a step farther and on the inside of their book bag where no one could readily see it, I wrote down the names of people that were allowed to pick them up and my phone number. That way they didn't have to go back to the office to check. I had my cousin, in a hat and dark glasses, get mine out of the bus line once and bring them to the car. Not one person asked who she was. After that failure I ended up doing this at least once with each new grade when they were younger and then let the teacher know that I had,(even if they passed) just to thank them.