How should I tell my VERY religious parents I am pregnant?...

[KateHanna]

A little background on my family...
My parents are VERY religious. My dad is a deacon at the church and my mom teaches bible school to children. They raised both my brother and I to go to church every Sunday and live a very Christian lifestyle. My whole family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc...) are they same way. There has never been anyone in my family that has gotten pregnant outside of marriage and/or lived with a significant other before marriage. They believe those kinds of things are very wrong.

Well when I was 15 they walked in on me and my boyfriend at the time having sex. My dad was so furious that he grabbed the guy by the collar and literally threw him out the door and told him he would never see me again. He even threatened to his gun (he used to be a cop). My mom yelled at me for almost an hour and grounded me for a looooong time. The guy and I did end up eventually breaking up.

Fast forwarding... I am 22 and graduated from college this past May. My parents paid for my college and financially helped me throughout school. They were very supportive and of course always want the best for me. But the problem is... I took 3 pregnancy tests a few days ago and 1 today and they all said positive. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and were actually engaged for a year but called it off earlier this year because we decided we were rushing into a wedding. My parents don't like him because he didn't finish college and his family life is very broken. He also did something a few months ago that hurt me pretty badly emotionally and I was stupid enough to tell my parents about it because I was so mad at him. I regret that now... His family is pretty much the exact opposite of mine (everyone is divorced and many kids have been born outside of marriage). I live by myself and have a full time job. I am just so scared to tell them. I am hoping to get a doctor's appointment sometime this week and find out for 100% certain I am pregnant, but if I am... I don't even want to think about their reaction. My boyfriend and I are very excited but the thing from keeping me from being as excited as I should be is my family. Everyone I am related to will be so disappointed. Any advice?

 

[jrrsmom]

You're an adult. Welcome to life. Sit them down and tell them.

The fact that you're 22 and "scared" of your parents makes me feel sorry for you. These are the people you should be able to talk to no matter what.

 

[mom2many]

I was married when I first got pregnant (19) and I was afraid to tell my mom, so I know where you are coming from, as jrrsmom said you just have to do it, you already understand that they aren't going to be happy about it so it won't come as a big surprise, be prepared and know that at 22 you are an adult and it is your life.

Some parents take a while to come around.....good luck!

 

[Sirk]

I would wait until you're past 12 weeks along. just in case.

 

[1dayatatime]

I agree wait till after the first trimester then sit them down and tell them. Consider sitting down with the boyfriend/daddy and your folks. Maybe a united front will come across stronger? I also have a very religious family. I'm not sure if I'm quoting this correctly or not but isn't there a scripture that says..." Let he without sin cast the first stone." I dont want to start a religious debate but some "Christians" are so far off. Good luck to both of you!! This is a very exciting/happy time(minus the parents).

 

[Father_0f_7]

Amber got pregnant when we were 17. We told her dad together, and we told my mom together. My mom is pretty much like your family, except with the whole pregnant outside of marriage thing. I dont know if that is an option for you, having your boyfriend there when you tell them, but I know it sure helped with us. It showed her dad that I wasnt just going to walk away.

 

[evilbrent]

(personally, at this stage, I reckon it's 50/50 that this not a troll)

Four words: "Mum. Dad. I'm pregnant."

Sounds like you have tough times ahead.

 

[Dadu2004]

You're an adult. Welcome to life. Sit them down and tell them.

The fact that you're 22 and "scared" of your parents makes me feel sorry for you. These are the people you should be able to talk to no matter what.

Yep, exactly. You're 22. It's time to start living your life for yourself and not for your parents.

 

[budnkota]

I think it's easier said than done. It's just natural to be concerned about your parents reaction.

My son was born outside of marriage - not to mention this father is a lying pathetic snake who wasn't really divorced (where his wife thought he was all night every night is beyond me). But his parents are very religious. They did not meet Rylan until he was 15 monhs old, because Mr Psychologist (the father) refused to see him - but when they finally did, they welcomed him with open arms.....

You could always right it in a letter.... and as a forewarning, it's surprising how often anti-abortion, religious people will change their tune when it's them who has to deal with it, so be prepared in case they push for that. If you want this child, be prepared to stand firm and strong. It's your life, not theirs. If they don't want a grandchild, that's their problem. Don't let them make it yours....

 

[fallon]

I think it's easier said than done. It's just natural to be concerned about your parents reaction.

My son was born outside of marriage - not to mention this father is a lying pathetic snake who wasn't really divorced (where his wife thought he was all night every night is beyond me). But his parents are very religious. They did not meet Rylan until he was 15 monhs old, because Mr Psychologist (the father) refused to see him - but when they finally did, they welcomed him with open arms.....

You could always right it in a letter.... and as a forewarning, it's surprising how often anti-abortion, religious people will change their tune when it's them who has to deal with it, so be prepared in case they push for that. If you want this child, be prepared to stand firm and strong. It's your life, not theirs. If they don't want a grandchild, that's their problem. Don't let them make it yours....

well said!!

 

[rubiksolved]

it definitely is easier said than done.

they will be your parents no matter what.. and you will always be their daughter... so this nonsense of.. "you're a grown up now" doesn't really apply in my opinion.. there is still that innate "fear" of a parent's reaction.

i don't have a clue on what i would do if i were in your position... but... honestly... the best of luck to you. i wish you nothing but the best : /

 

[Mindy]

I think it's easier said than done. It's just natural to be concerned about your parents reaction.

My son was born outside of marriage - not to mention this father is a lying pathetic snake who wasn't really divorced (where his wife thought he was all night every night is beyond me). But his parents are very religious. They did not meet Rylan until he was 15 monhs old, because Mr Psychologist (the father) refused to see him - but when they finally did, they welcomed him with open arms.....

You could always right it in a letter.... and as a forewarning, it's surprising how often anti-abortion, religious people will change their tune when it's them who has to deal with it, so be prepared in case they push for that. If you want this child, be prepared to stand firm and strong. It's your life, not theirs. If they don't want a grandchild, that's their problem. Don't let them make it yours....

Amen, great post! and it's easier said than done whether you are 22 or 40. No one wants to dissapoint their parents. I truly hope they will be able to see beyond this and realize a baby is a blessing no matter what.

And I agree, please do not let anyone tell you what to do. Whether that is parenting abortion or adoption, do not let anyone push you into anything.

Many times I have known Christian teens to be forced into placing the baby for adoption to "redeem" themselves in God's eyes. But it is YOUR baby, you are the momma, and only you get to decide. Everyone else will have to just deal with it. Best of luck to you.

 

[NinJaBob]

Whatever you do. Do it quickly worrying about this is not good for your pregnancy. Just sit them down and be blunt. You can't choose how they react only how you feel about it. It's up to them to accept it or not. They'll probably freak out at first but if they are reasonable caring people they'll see that the best thing that they can do is to care for you and the baby.

Hope this helps.

-Phil

 

[majin_shinsa]

How we told my in-laws that we were having a child is by getting a baby bag and we filled it up with a few grandparent bibs among other items. Me and my wife wrapped it up and told my in-laws that we had something for them. When they unwrapped it they figured it out of course but it helped we think with breaking that ice, since my wife was only 18 and I was 22 at the time.

 

[NinJaBob]

How we told my in-laws that we were having a child is by getting a baby bag and we filled it up with a few grandparent bibs among other items. Me and my wife wrapped it up and told my in-laws that we had something for them. When they unwrapped it they figured it out of course but it helped we think with breaking that ice, since my wife was only 18 and I was 22 at the time.

Wen used a similar method. We got her parents and my parents together for Christmas and their gifts were bibs and other baby items and had them open them at the same time in front of her whole family. Nobody knew before hand.

Although that may not work for KateHanna then again maybe it will.