How well did your parents raise you and do you want to emulate them?...

[NinJaBob]

I grew up in a bar with my alchoholic step-dad until I was old enough to stay home alone. Then I was given too much freedom. I mean I had chores and everything but I basically had no curfew. When in High school I could have party's where girls would often stay the night. My parents occasionally bought me and my friends booze. I could pretty much do what I wanted as long as my chores were done.

I turned out all-right. After high school I had a small problem with drugs and alcohol but the Marine corps and my wife cured me of those evils.

I still wouldn't raise my kids like that. Things could have gone very wrong for me.

So were your parents an inspiration to you and do you raise your kids like you were raised or did you learn from their mistakes?

 

[Dadu2004]

I voted "Yes and No". Yes to my mom and step-dad, no to my dad and step-mom. I won't bore you with the stories.

 

[NinJaBob]

I voted "Yes and No". Yes to my mom and step-dad, no to my dad and step-mom. I won't bore you with the stories.

Bore me bore me. I like stories. I got some doozies myself.

 

[Dadu2004]

Alright fine...here's how i'll blow the last 8 minutes of my day.

My mom and dad divorced when I was 5 (my sister was 2). She remarried when I hit 6th grade. My step-dad has been much more of a father to me than my dad ever was. He's kind, understanding, generous, and just a wonderful man. He has always accepted me and my sister as his very own and never made us feel differently. To this day, we're extremely close. He and my mother showed up to all of my performances and every event that I ever had.

My dad and my step-mom were a different story. My dad is an alcoholic. He had us on the weekends and made me feel like I wasn't wanted. We'd be there and I'd be in my room playing all weekend. I did very little with my dad. As I grew up, he never attended any of my events with the exception of 2. He showed up to my senior recital in college and another college performance. This other one I had to threaten to have him removed because he was drunk and embarrassing me. I tried to do things with him as I got older...my step-dad gave me and my father OSU vs. Michigan tickets so that my dad and I could go...he got trashed and I had to literally carry him out of the stadium and figure out how to get home because he was passed out (I was 17 in a strange big city). My step-mom and I fought constantly and hated eachother.

Now...my step-mom and father are the best grandparents you could hope for. Go figure...

 

[Sirk]

"Do you raise your parents"?

 

[Music-dad]

"Do you raise your parents"?

I got a kick out of that too.

I try to raise them, but they just won't listen.

Support Group needed.

 

[Father_0f_7]

I also voted yes and no. Yes to how my mom and dad raised my brothers and sisters, yes to the way my mom raised me (my dad died when I was 12). My mom is a saint (She's like June Cleaver x20) She never made us go to church (she did however bribe us) which made us want to go even more. My dad had all these sayings (like "if you quit that team you will always be remembered as a quitter") that he would actually follow. The were both stand up citizens who helped neighbor and strangers more times than you can count.

Now on to Captain Motolinch. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! NO! He was and always will be the worst "parent" anyone will ever hear of. He was a drunk, drugged up Marine (great combination huh) who didnt care about anything but himself. The physical abuse I can get over - heck the sexual abuse I can forgive him for. But the emotional abuse...Never. I would rather be locked in that room with him for the rest of my life than to have to withstand one minute of what he would say to me.

So yes to my parents, no to Captain.

 

[hoplessromantic1986]

&lt;r&gt;&lt;FONT font="Times New Roman"&gt;&lt;s&gt;&lt;/s&gt;My children, when I have them will definitely be raised differently then when I was raised. Unfortunately I hold some resentment towards my mother and father with how they handled things. Of course my father didn’t really take any interests in us till 6 months before he passed away. Well I shouldn’t say any interest besides his drunken haze if you would consider that anything at all. But I will definitely take a different approach and give my children a better chance to exceed in life. I believe a lot of how she raised us children may come from how she was raised. And well my dad just cared about the booze. But I love my mom and I never try and show any kind of hate or disrespect towards her, she did raise us on her own. But did she do her best, well…. Myself and others would say no. So in the end, yes my children will be raised way differently!&lt;e&gt;</SIZE>&lt;/e&gt;&lt;/SIZE&gt;&lt;e&gt;[/FONT]&lt;/e&gt;&lt;/FONT&gt;&lt;/r&gt;

 

[budnkota]

no. My son will never get teh kind of parenting (or lack thereof) that my life consisted of. Not even in the same planet.

 

[jayman]

Well, lets see....

<LIST>

• 
  <LI>
• I was in the fourth grade the first time I stepped into a library (a class trip).</LI>
  <LI>
• The next time was in the sixth grade (class trip again).</LI>
  <LI>
• I recall my Dad reading one book to me when I was about seven.</LI>
  <LI>
• I went through elementary, middle, and high school without reading one book from cover to cover or doing any homework - seriously, I'd listen to the conversation in class and that was enough.</LI>
  <LI>
• I failed every class that required me to learn something new in high school (physics, chemistry, etc.). I eventually got a teacher that gave me a pity D.</LI>
  <LI>
• I recall a school year in which I owned two pairs of jeans and three shirts.</LI>
  <LI>
• I went to camp (a school thing for a weekend) with dirty filthy socks. That was very embarrassing.</LI>
  <LI>
• I went to school once with such a raggedy pair of sweats that the guidance counselor pulled me out of class and asked if I would take cloths if she gave them to me.</LI>
  <LI>
• I recall three shootings in my neighborhood.</LI>
  <LI>
• The only organized sports I was involved in I found myself through the boys and girls club while in High School.</LI>
  <LI>
• Crack viels on the steps leading to our fourth floor apartment were common.</LI>
  <LI>
• There were no conversations between mom and me, or dad and me. It was just orders and threats.</LI>
  <LI>
• I never qualified for the free school lunch (my Dad earned good money...), the assistant principal would think I lied on the form (every year) and ask that I bring in W2's and then ask me "why do you live in this neighborhood?" as if I knew....</LI>

</LIST>
You might think I grew up poor, but my Dad earned upwards of $85K a year (in the early 80's that wasn't too bad) while busting his butt as a waiter for a big hotel. He sent money home back to Bangladesh often to support his brothers and mother. We lived in a 400 sq ft (I kid you not) apartment in the lower east side of NYC (Six of US!!!), He also sponsored others coming to the country - yeap, some times there were eight of us in that tiny apartment. Looking back, I think that was cool of my mom and dad to do, but that thought lasts about 15 seconds... they gave too much... you have to help people help themselves because there are people out there that will suck you dry - including family.

I some how managed to finish college. I used my passive personality and natural talent (thank God) for tinkering with things to get a job in the tech industry and today manage a small team and earn about $150K. I didn't turn out too bad - but, if they had paid a bit more attention maybe I would have a little bit more control over my life. Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly grateful for the fortunate life that I lead today and for the family that I have. I would have just liked to be more prepared to function is this world. A good education isn't the hallmark of a good career or just the path to a good job - it's the essential tool for pursing whatever your heart desires. I didn't learn to learn - I learned to get by.

My parents have turned out to be better grandparents actually. My father eventually cut-off his leeching brothers (after bringing them to the USA). He and my Mom got their finances under control. Purchased a nice condo and recently, with my younger brothers leaving home, are living for themselves finally. Even though they did not provide the ideal educational oversight and input, they did raise kids with strong values. No one's perfect, no family is perfect. We all do the best we can. My parents raised me to be the kind of parent that I am today.

We should all try to do a better job than our parents - there's always room for improvement

 

[Jessie]

I voted "yes and no" also. More no than yes.

I think the one thing my parents and I have in common is the family values. My father was abusive and my mother (because of dad's abuse) didn't seem to be interested in my problems, but I know they loved us kids. I just don't think they had the means or the abilities to always do right by us.
And all I can do is chalk it up to a learning experience. I wont ever put my kids through those things, but I do hold the family values very dear and will pass those on to my kids.

 

[AmyBelle]

I voted yes.

My dad and my step-dad were amazing parents. We had child protection on our door often, because back then no-one could fathom the concept of two men raising a little girl and they couldnt find a single thing to pin on them. My dads are my heros, as cliche as that may sound.

 

[Aunt]

Yes. My parents did their best. I had a happ,y functional, rowdy and loving childhood as the baby of 5.
I was bored at school as an adolescent and became the family tearaway. They handled it as well as they could. Tried to kick me in the pants occasionally worried, tore their hair out, and some times cried. They did their best to pick their battles, let my love of black lipstic &amp; obnoxious clothes go &amp; always made my friends welcome, even the scary vile ones who were a world away from the polite middle class kids they were used to.
My dad died when I was 20. I had spent 6 months travelling the world after working as a waitress &amp; ski bum. i was 4 days from starting at college when his heart gave out.On my first day at my dorm I recieved a package with a gold bracelet and a card that said he was proud of me &amp; my independent streak &amp; that i would go far. He had purchased it on the day he found out I had decided to go to college afterall.
My greatest regret was that i never apologised for what i put him through when I was too young and stupid to see how i was hurting him. I was shattered that first term but the bracelet kept me going. There was no way i was going to let him down.
I try to tell my mom i love her from time to time

 

[SMR]

I voted Yes and No because I think if you look hard enough you can always find the good AND the bad in every situation.

I am the oldest of four children, and my mom basically raised us all on her own. My mom and dad never married, he even to this day (30 years later) is still afraid they might get into some huge fight and want to divorce. Well, they've gotten into tons of huge fights, and unfortunately they're still together.

We had to move around a LOT as a kid, up until the end of the third grade I hadn't lived in any single place for more than a couple of months. This was due to my mom having to move from one job to another to support us, or having to go where the housing authority put us. We were on food stamps, my mom was in work programs, sometimes working two jobs. That wasn't easy for her with four young children. I being the eldest, was often charged with watching myself between the ages of 7 and 10 (due to the cost and availability of childcare for the other three), and watching the others between 11 and 14.

My dad was gone a lot. Up until I was 10 years old I don't remember ever living with him. He spent all his time and money drinking, doing drugs with his cousins, and who knows what else. When he was around though (he would often come around when the money was gone until his next paycheck, or to stay with us a few days)he was emotionally abusive. He was constantly calling us stupid, fat, ugly, pointing out our physical faults such as acne, or telling us to go play in the freeway (with the connotation that brings). He was also the same way to my mom, and in many ways, his treatment of my mom is what bothered me the most growing up. Later on when he did finally live with us, the abuse continued, and when one time he had his hand up and threatening to hit me because I wasn't cleaning as fast as he wanted, I dared tell him not to touch me and I was yelled at by both my mom and dad and sent to my room crying for hours.

He did a lot of stupid things, smoking marijuana in our house, playing around with my brother one time by putting a pair of scissors to his finger and pretending he was going to cut him- only he actually ended up cutting him (then sending me to my room when I made a remark that he hurt him), showing up drunk on our doorstep after my mom had finally got fed up enough with his bs to kick him out-then laying down on the porch saying "maaaama, let me in the house pleeeease" with absolutely no shame in front of all us kids.

Despite the misery I can remember about my childhood, I love my mom, and I know she did the best she could. I understand now she kept him around because she didn't want to be alone, and she did have feelings for him despite their troubles. As a kid I didn't understand at all, I hated him(still have very strained feelings toward him, although I don't have the same heat behind them as I once did. We haven't had more than a three word conversation since I left home at 18).

I can't even imagine raising four children, let alone as a single mother with no education and little family support. My mom always tried to do stuff for us. Sometimes I would come home to find something I'd been wanting for a long time sitting on my desk after school, or she would tell us we were going to visit a relative or to the DMV, and really we'd park in front of Chuck E. Cheese. We were poor and couldn't afford much, but she took on extra, unpaid part time jobs so we could participate in activies. She volunteered at the park and rec center so we could get into programs for free, and go on field trips for free. She volunteered to lead the childrens program at our church for a while because it was going to be shut down since no one wanted to lead it.

I am extra defensive of my son because of how my dad treated us when we were young, sometimes I can admit I go overboard, but he is my only child, and completely defenseless in my eyes. I do no allow anyone to call him names, I do not allow anyone to make fun of him, if someone hurts his feelings I make sure they know it and apologize. My world revolves around him and I know that makes some parents sneer in derision, but I don't want him to grow up with the issues I did. I had absolutely no confidence, no backbone, no strength, I had no one to back me up or support me, I had no one to turn to when I was feeling down or when the kids at school were terrorizing me.

I feel like I am giving him a sense of security that he will be able to sound off of when he is feeling unsure, something I never had.

 

[SMR]

Wow..that ended up being a long post

 

[PennQuaker09]

My parents didn't raise me, they hired a nanny. I still love them though.

 

[bssage]

my parents spent most of there time setting a good example. The both had less than ideal childhood's. My dad's dad was town drunk. My mom's mom an insane biiiiatch. So they made sure they did increduably better than they way they were raised.

If I have a gripe it was that they always worked. And the few time they were home we worked around the house. This really wasnt a bad thing.

I just make sure I always make the time to play with my kids every day. I was a very bad kid but was able to tell my folks how sorry I am for that before Mom passed.

Without faulting them. My goal is to continue the legacy of becoming better than my own parents. Thats what they did and thats what I plan to do.

By the time I turned 11 I had a job. So I saw even less of them. I have not been without employment for more than three months since (I am 42) But I take days off to attend the kids events and they are my only hobby after work. I make a delebrate effort to be a good husband and father.

I think my mom would be proud.

 

[Music-dad]

I'd have to say my parents done good...

Mom was a grade 1 &amp; 2 teacher, so she was tons of fun.

Dad was a workoholic, but really made his time with us special, and with his working and social status elevated us from suburbia, to livin' it up in the beaches and private schools...so it wasn't all that bad.