I don't like the baby stage. Do/Did you?...

[Pokerjay24]

Hi,

My second child is one month old and I have to admit that I'm not a big fan of the baby stage. I wanted to see if I would see things differently with him being my second child. Nope.

I had a hard time adjusting to parenthood the first time around so I wanted to give the baby stage another try, now that I'm fully invested in being a father and I do enjoy caring for my almost 3 year old daughter.

I find myself revisiting the same patterns, saying the same things, feeling the same way. "Why is he waking up already?" "I need a break". "Honey, do you think it's reflux?". "He seems overtired, why isn't he sleeping yet?". "When will this end?"

One thing I should note is that he is bottle fed. My wife had surgery in her breasts some time ago and cannot breastfeed as a consequence. So I guess I am more involved in caring for the baby since I can help out with the feedings. And don't get me wrong, I truly enjoy helping my wife out with the baby this way, I feel she deserves a break too and some decent sleep as well.

It's just living in this unpredictability all the time that is driving me nuts. Is he truly asleep? When will he wake up? Oh oh, he's coughing. That type of thing that does not make me appreciate the baby stage. I keep telling myself that it's temporary and that it's part of being a newborn.

But I do think I am happier when there some expectations and predictability when dealing with children. Knowing when is dinner time, bedtime, playtime and being able to communicate with my children help me enjoy more my parenthood.

Am I part of the minority who feels this way?

 

[mom2many]

Naw, I think a lot of people feel that way. I love the very newborn stage and then the 2-3 ages. The newborn stage is HARD, they are so dang cute, but it is a lot of work. I've done it a lot and no child was every the same, so while you might have a little more experience it really is like starting all over again.

I see nothing wrong with saying that it's a hard stage for you. Not everything about parenting is fun.

 

[bssage]

What do you mean? You don't like the feel of a warm cup of partially digested formula running behind your ear down you neck into the shirt you have carefully chosen for work?

Its the good and the bad brother. Exploit the good and try to quickly move past the bad.

I mostly liked it. But I also have really bad "short term memory"

I also turned a lot of the unpleasant stuff into a game for myself. I would try and beat my time changing diapers. Or getting them to pass out. I also spent a significant amount of time making a fool of myself with meals and entertaining them and such.

Let me guess. Are you part of the "we need to have a baby" and then "we need to have another one to play with the first one crowd"? If so welcome to the club.

Seriously I was OK but its a very stressful deal. I dont think your feelings are uncommon at all.

 

[momat18]

Let me guess. Are you part of the "we need to have a baby" and then "we need to have another one to play with the first one crowd"? If so welcome to the club.

that is exactly what we are thinking right now!!! is there anything wrong with that?? i have a 3 year old who drives me nuts all the time.(threw my cell phone on the ceiling fan today) and i cant believe i am longing for another one!!! i think when the second one will come, it will have some calming effect on the first one. is that true??

as far as the newborn stage, i think that is the best part now that i am dealing with the 3 year stage which is a nightmare!!!! my house is a mess 24/7 and there is nothing i can do which can discipline my child. he is like a "blender without a lid". but still its more fun because besides being a monster, my son is really cute and says really cute and funny things.

 

[Jeremy+3]

The only thing I like about the baby stage is that it is incredibly easy, apart from that its quite boring.

 

[NancyM]

I felt the same way about the infant. I remember being so afraid something was wrong when actually he was fine.

DH wasn't a hands on dad, as a matter of fact he was the LAST child in his family. He was never around a baby ever! So considering that it was understandable and if I asked him to do something he did it I just had to tell him how and what.

I didn't particulary like the infant stage other than them being the cutest little things. As soon as they hit 3/4 mos though, that's the best. The cooing, smiling and responding to me I loved that.

It will pass PJ24 and it happens real fast so try to enjoy it a little.

This is my little tip: When ever I felt anxious about the infant I use to pick him and just hold him against me, rub his little back, and honestly I felt so much better, not sure why but it seemed to relief my fears.

Good luck

 

[Pokerjay24]

Thank you for the kind words.

It just takes so much at first - energy, patience - and I feel I only have time to eat, work, half sleep and tend to the baby. Repeat.

What I also find difficult is that we do not have many people who can help us or support us in those more challenging times. My in-laws who are great in their role of grandparents live 4 hours away. My own parents who live in our city are always too tired, too busy with work, a little sicky achy here and there and just plain old NOT that interested in their grandchildren. We don't have many friends and the ones we have are either busy with their own kids or they just DGAS about our kids.

It's always nice to have your mom and dad come in for the day and look after the kids, take them to the park, etc. For us, it is a luxury. It does happen, but not a whole lot. Maybe that would help me feel better about the baby stage.

 

[bssage]

Me thinks the teen/pre teen stage will make you long for the baby stage again.

 

[bssage]

that is exactly what we are thinking right now!!! is there anything wrong with that?? i have a 3 year old who drives me nuts all the time.(threw my cell phone on the ceiling fan today) and i cant believe i am longing for another one!!! i think when the second one will come, it will have some calming effect on the first one. is that true??

Yes absolutely. The second one will calm the first one down. The house will be quite. You and your husband will have more time to yourselves. I dont seem to be able to make a evil LOL in text.

There are probably some legit reasons to have them within the first four years. You still have most of the baby stuff around. Already have a support network in place. Still remember to cover the turtle when changing diapers. ect.

But for play mates. Well I am just not sure. My perspective is going to be different from most because of my daughter.

I think the right time is when you feel like it is the right time. I will probably go to hell for saying this but: "Life is like a box of chocolates" yada yada

 

[cybele]

You know what, I hated the baby stage because i'm just not that maternal. I'm really not the cuddly kissy googly eyed type person. I like my space, I like my space to not be intruded upon and I like my sleep.

I prefer the pre-teen / teen stage because they tend to sleep and not want as many hugs. Sure, they are louder, and they eat everything and have opinions on everything under the sun, oh and I don't know what it's like because I am not a teenager and never was you know, I just popped out of my mother at 40 years old. But at least I get to sleep in... when I don't have to go to work at 3:30 in the morning.

 

[Father_0f_7]

Me thinks the teen/pre teen stage will make you long for the baby stage again.

True story, bro.

 

[NancyM]

Thank you for the kind words.

It just takes so much at first - energy, patience - and I feel I only have time to eat, work, half sleep and tend to the baby. Repeat.

What I also find difficult is that we do not have many people who can help us or support us in those more challenging times. My in-laws who are great in their role of grandparents live 4 hours away. My own parents who live in our city are always too tired, too busy with work, a little sicky achy here and there and just plain old NOT that interested in their grandchildren. We don't have many friends and the ones we have are either busy with their own kids or they just DGAS about our kids.

It's always nice to have your mom and dad come in for the day and look after the kids, take them to the park, etc. For us, it is a luxury. It does happen, but not a whole lot. Maybe that would help me feel better about the baby stage.

Have you considered hiring a babysitter while you are still in the house, someone who comes in and gives you both a few hours alone. Some people hire high school students, it's nice because your in the house so you don't have to worry too much, lol and if they need anything your right there, but they take the baby in the other room and you can just do things that you need to do.

Call the high school or ask neighbors or talk to some local teens you feel look responsible. The PTA might be able to help.

good luck.

 

[Frank]

We adopted five kids and have guardianship of four relatives so we've missed the newborn/baby stage with them. Our youngest two kiddos were 11 months and 8 months when we started caring for them. Both have severe health and developmental issues due to abuse. We were told both of them were much like caring for a newborn. They are now 2, 2.5 and doing better than ever expected but they are my only/closest experience with babies... I can't say I miss it but I also do wish I had the opportunity to see/hold and keep each of my children safe from birth.

Best of luck to you.

 

[LoBaby]

Oh, I know exactly how you feel. My husband and I both work full time with an almost 6month baby girl who is very demanding. It is exhausting and I am excited for her to be walking and able to communicate. It is not easy to care for someone who cannot walk, talk or feed themselves..bathe themselves, use the bathroom, etc. We love our little baby more than anything in the world, of course, but wow..sometimes we both need a break!! We are a great team though and will always give the other that break when its due. Our baby is also formula fed, so, it is equal across the board.

 

[EverSweetBaby]

I absolutely love and adore my daughters (now 5 and 2) but the baby stage was kind of a "thankless" job. They needed so much of my attention and energy, but I felt like they didn't even know how much I did for them. Yet, I loved being needed by this tiny human beings!

There were plenty of times where I was exhausted and didn't want to wake up for this middle-of-the-night feedings or diaper changes, but I did it. I have to say that now my job of being mommy is totally worth it because my daughters are constantly saying thank you for things I do for them.

Don't feel bad for what you are feeling because it is normal. But, trust me, it will get much better! Just hang in there!

 

[Ardmhs83]

I consider myself very maternal, but I am not a fan of the newborn stage either. I didn't like the not knowing what was going on game and trying to figure everything out.
However, I miss nursing really bad! So sometimes I wish I could go back to that stage.