OK, so the title is a bit extreme. But it did grab your attention. Its not that I hate my mother, I love her more than I feel like I should. My mother and I's relationship could only be described as dysfunctional. If i had a few eyes looking in, I feel as though many would be shocked and maybe even sympathized. But that isnt what I want, i want to end the constant battle in my head and need to hear from other adults wether or not her behavior is right. Maybe to hear that im over reacting and too emotional and that her behavior is normal and were just like any other family.
Im a 20 year old adult daughter living at home, and of course its the last place I wanna be. Commence *eye rolling* . But please listen to my story.
I have genuinly tried over and over again to make it work between us, to have some sort of relationship together. However the relationship takes two, and she tends to put all the blame on me on why we just dont get along. Im not putting the blame on her she just needs to realise that putting it all on me is not going to make our relationship any easier, or at least helping at all in trying to form one. She needs to realise it takes two.
In front of my friend or anyone outside our house hold she is a completely different person, she is out going and bubbly and rediculously friendly. She acts as if we have the most desired relationship between a mother and daughter. At home she is moody, withdraws and if you talk to her you make get a mummble out of her or nothing at all. She ignores me and we generally never exchange words. [Ive been home for 2 days straight now since i got back from my camping trip on the maylong weekend...and nothing] I walk on eggshells never knowing when she will blow up next. She either ignores me or yells at me for whatever reason she sees fit. Ie. dishes... which i do, i always unload and put MY dishes away when im done with them. Lately im never at home so i never leave behind a mess since im never there to even make one. Im literally terrified of her. I never want to be around her, why would i? If the only time she wants to talk to me is when she is pissed off about something and its to just yell at me?
She calls me names like "snot" "snob" a "little bitch" and her way of justifying is "well, were you acting like one?" It make me really think about who is the adult in the relationship. I walk away from a conversation before i end up saying anything i regret, yet she calls me names and she is the adult? I have never heard parents calling there kids names. But im use to is. Ever since i was 12 my mom would name call on me "two-faced bitch" "fat" - which ignited my eating disorder at a very young age.
She is paranoid. She thinks if i dont answer my phone im "deliberatly ignoring her" which is never the case, i would always pick up the phone when she calls, and if were in an argument over the phone and i repeat anything outloud that she says she freaks out and says "dnt repeat what i say, your trying to make me look bad in front of your friends" ..which is very important for her. So many times has she been cool with trips and acting all excited with my friends when we would talk as a group in front of her, then behind closed doors she would say that i wasnt allowed to go. Everything is a show.
She has shoved me, and even has punched me in the nose over a traffic ticket i once got.
Im a good kid. I have never done anything wrong. I was an honour student through high school, won numerous awards and achievements, never partied hard or did drugs. I have always had a good head on my shoulders.
I dont ever want to come home. I usually stay over at my boyfriends place, when im not at his place i usually go out for the day and try to occupy myself so i dont need to go home. I try to wake up before she does so i can leave peacefully and i return home usually late in the early morning to not have to see her. I have no family to turn to since she says no one can know about "her business"" and she will disown me if i try to talk to my grandmother or my aunts about any of it.
She has always been cold and unloving. Not nurturing. How do you even possibly shop for Mothers Day cards when none of the cards ring true to your own mother? This has only been a tidbit of all the stuff we have been through but maybe someone can make some sense of it all.
I feel like its a lost cause.
Im a 20 year old adult daughter living at home, and of course its the last place I wanna be. Commence *eye rolling* . But please listen to my story.
I have genuinly tried over and over again to make it work between us, to have some sort of relationship together. However the relationship takes two, and she tends to put all the blame on me on why we just dont get along. Im not putting the blame on her she just needs to realise that putting it all on me is not going to make our relationship any easier, or at least helping at all in trying to form one. She needs to realise it takes two.
In front of my friend or anyone outside our house hold she is a completely different person, she is out going and bubbly and rediculously friendly. She acts as if we have the most desired relationship between a mother and daughter. At home she is moody, withdraws and if you talk to her you make get a mummble out of her or nothing at all. She ignores me and we generally never exchange words. [Ive been home for 2 days straight now since i got back from my camping trip on the maylong weekend...and nothing] I walk on eggshells never knowing when she will blow up next. She either ignores me or yells at me for whatever reason she sees fit. Ie. dishes... which i do, i always unload and put MY dishes away when im done with them. Lately im never at home so i never leave behind a mess since im never there to even make one. Im literally terrified of her. I never want to be around her, why would i? If the only time she wants to talk to me is when she is pissed off about something and its to just yell at me?
She calls me names like "snot" "snob" a "little bitch" and her way of justifying is "well, were you acting like one?" It make me really think about who is the adult in the relationship. I walk away from a conversation before i end up saying anything i regret, yet she calls me names and she is the adult? I have never heard parents calling there kids names. But im use to is. Ever since i was 12 my mom would name call on me "two-faced bitch" "fat" - which ignited my eating disorder at a very young age.
She is paranoid. She thinks if i dont answer my phone im "deliberatly ignoring her" which is never the case, i would always pick up the phone when she calls, and if were in an argument over the phone and i repeat anything outloud that she says she freaks out and says "dnt repeat what i say, your trying to make me look bad in front of your friends" ..which is very important for her. So many times has she been cool with trips and acting all excited with my friends when we would talk as a group in front of her, then behind closed doors she would say that i wasnt allowed to go. Everything is a show.
She has shoved me, and even has punched me in the nose over a traffic ticket i once got.
Im a good kid. I have never done anything wrong. I was an honour student through high school, won numerous awards and achievements, never partied hard or did drugs. I have always had a good head on my shoulders.
I dont ever want to come home. I usually stay over at my boyfriends place, when im not at his place i usually go out for the day and try to occupy myself so i dont need to go home. I try to wake up before she does so i can leave peacefully and i return home usually late in the early morning to not have to see her. I have no family to turn to since she says no one can know about "her business"" and she will disown me if i try to talk to my grandmother or my aunts about any of it.
She has always been cold and unloving. Not nurturing. How do you even possibly shop for Mothers Day cards when none of the cards ring true to your own mother? This has only been a tidbit of all the stuff we have been through but maybe someone can make some sense of it all.
I feel like its a lost cause.
