I scream at my baby to shut up... what should I do?...

[ChiquitaSarah]

I am so stressed out, I am a first time mom (well second time mom but we had a baby who died shortly after birth 1.5 yrs ago). I don't know if this has anything to do with my stress. My baby girl is 8 months old and she constantly whines and screams a very high pitched scream that physically hurts my ears. I try and stay calm or leave the room but I can hear her EVERY where in the house. I can't go for a walk outside and leave her alone, so I don't know what to do. It gets to the point where I have yelled "Will you just SHUT UP??!!" at her... not that she knows what it means but still it's not a very appropriate response on my part.

I can't even clean my house because she's so clingy. I can't carry her in a baby sling etc because I have a bad back. My house is a mess, even though I have a cleaner that comes once every second week just to do the bathroom, floors and kitchen. But the kitchen gets dirty the next day it's never ending.

I go a week without having a shower because I can't leave her alone for five minutes. I quickly wash but thats not the same. A shower to me is a rare luxury. I rarely have clean clothes because no time to do laundry. My husband works long hours so he can't help me very much, plus what little time he does have at home he is busy putting in a second bathroom which we really need done as it stresses me out not having it done.

I'm afraid of growing into a mean mom who hates her children and ends up hitting them... I haven't had the urge to hit her yet but if I don't get the yelling under control I'm afraid it may escalate. I just read the "My wife won't stop hitting my son" thread and it scared me!

 

[jenilouise]

I know how you feel. It sounds like your baby is going through her seperation anxiety stage where they get extra clingy. It can be overwhelming. Do you have any family or friends in your area who might come by and give you some adult contact? It might help you feel better knowing you are not alone. Any hobbies like knitting or reading that you can do while holding baby?

 

[musicmom]

I wish you lived by me I have a play yard you could have. A play yard is a plastic gate type thing that folds open and makes a decent size area where a child can play and they can't get out of. It's only about four feet high. They learn to play by themselves in there. It sounds like your daughter needs her own space and I bet this would do you both good.
As far as a shower...I used to put the baby swing in the bathroom and let him swing while I took a shower or I would put the swing in front of teletubbies on the tv and take a superfast shower..
There is no reason why you can't take a bath with her. It would be great.
Don't scream at your little one hun. Losing control isn't good for either of you and I know we've all been there.
Look into a play yard. They are about $60 for one, they may be cheaper now. I have two put together to make a large one for my twins. I don't need it anymore. If you want to pay for shipping I'll send it to you.

 

[jenilouise]

Natalia takes baths with me all the time. Good suggestion.

 

[1dayatatime]

I know how you feel. The other suggestions are good. What makes me personally feel better is to get away from my child if only for 5min. When he sleeps I have a TON of work to do but I make myself take 5 to 30 min for myself to eat a whole plate of food without interuptions, watch a show, read my email, load the dishwasher, something. I bathe when he sleeps. So I have about 4 hours during the day to do my things that can not be interupted. It's hard spending the whole day working around him. Would I change a thing? Absolutly not. I want to be nowhere else but here at home with my son everyday. Thats alot harder to say on the days he's clingy and whines all day. Pick the things you must control and let the rest go.

 

[Trina]

{{{HUGS}}} BTDT with my DD. Turned out she had GERD (reflux) and was miserable. Once we got that under control she was a much happier baby. Have you talked with your ped. about this? She could have medical issues going that are causing her to be so unhappy. (If you're breastfeeding, it could be something as simple as something you're eating that is affecting your milk. Bottle feeding - a milk or cow milk protein allergy or intolerance, GERD, ...)

 

[ChiquitaSarah]

Thanks everyone for your advice. My husaband came home early today and I went out to pick something up at the store and ended up driving around for half an hour. It seems so silly but I enjoyed the peace and quiet of driving in the van with some soft music on I just kept driving for a while

I'm going to check with my daughters pediatrician to rule out any food intolerances etc. - thanks for the suggestion. I am also going to make a point of getting more adult interaction in my life. There's a family center that I have access to and I should use more often but the problem is I dont' have a vehicle during the day. During the nicer weather I walk there but it's at least a 45 min walk and in this cold winter weather its not good to take baby out in that for that long. Maybe I can see if the bus is convenient or take a cab. I hate to spend the $ on a cab but if it keeps my sanity then it's $ well spent.

I also know a student who I trust who can come on Mondays and look after my daughter while I have a nice long bath or read or nap or whatever.... I am going to try that as well and see if it helps.

Thanks everyone for your help, and keep the advice coming please! Every suggestion helps me.

 

[Kaytee]

I also have BTDT and have lost my cool and have yelled at my daughter. The last time was when she was about 12 months old and she was up every hour or so screaming all night. By4 am I was so exhausted that I yelled at her and slammed her door shut. Which in turn made her scream more!!

My big suggestion is to find a playgroup!!!! Look on-line, go to your library (they list them sometimes) or if you can't find one, start one. You would be suprised how easy it is. Put a flyer up at the library and I guarentee someone will call!! Once I had a playgroup to go to (once a week at first) I became more relaxed. I was able to talk to other parents with kids my age and adult conversation is big!!!. Now I have been going for about a year and a half, but just in the last year have become so close to 2 of them, that we talk every day and have playgrouip twice a week. We rotate houses we go to. our girls are all the same age (one turned to Oct, and the other is 3 days older then mine) Heck We even drive about 40 minutes to get to each others houses, and its totally worth it to me!!!!

 

[Kaytee]

oh also Mops is a national organization that is for moms with children from infancy to preschool age! Your area may have a chapter. I started there and I didn't really click with the moms in the group so I found a new one. But its a big group and most likely wil have one close. Also check your church if you have one

 

[musicmom]

What is BTDT?

 

[Trina]

BTDT = been there, done that

 

[Kaytee]

what she said

 

[Lissa]

I KNOW YOUR FRUSTRATION! Like I said in my other post, you have to keep your cool. It's too easy to fly off the handle and it solves absolutely nothing. And showing your baby anger is never a good thing.

Tell us a little more about you. Are you a stay at home mom or do you work? Do you get breaks from your child? Is your husband helpful?

 

[fallon]

I've been there too...with both kids. One day DD had I were in the car and she was screaming and screaming...I was depressed and crying as she screamed finally I just pulled off the road started screaming with her. I yelled at my newborn son also on a very sleep deprived night. It happens to the best of us mama's and it shows great strength that you can see it's the wrong way to handle things

 

[Nicolel0929]

Please dont fell like you are a terrible mom. I thought that before in the past soo many times. Sometimes you loose you patience. I have most deifinitely yelled SHUT UP to my children. Afterwards you feel soo guilty. Try to get out and around other who aslp have children. You can just go baby crazy when you have then attached to your hip with little breaks. Try to get away for a little while by yourself if you can.

 

[Ari2]

I know it's tough. Both of my twins had colic, and the first 5 months were so hard. We started on Nutramagen formula, they got older, and life got better. But even at 9 months it was still hard.

Does your little girl have a swing? I would have lost my mind without swings. The babies loved them, and the swings were about the only thing that soothed them. I could put them in the swings, spend a moment catching my breath, let my ears stop ringing, and regrip reality. I also could clean up a bit, at least in theory.

We also bought 2 mesh-insert gating systems (these) and made a huge playpen (probably 10 x 4 feet). This has been wonderful for the moments I need a place I know they will be safe for a few minutes.

Hang in there. I know the feeling of wanting to tear your hair out. It will get better!

 

[Sybella]

When my oldest was a baby, she used to keep me up for hours and hours at night. She'd scream and cry, and it would make me cry...it was horrible. She was such a colicky baby. I remember being so frustrated that I'd get up, and when making her a bottle, slam all the kitchen cabinets so hard, they'd fly back open...and I'd slam them again!

Looking back, it's kind of funny. But, it's hard to believe that I ever did that. With my next two children, I was a totally different Mom, but then again, they were different children, and now there's no baby that can make me lose it like that. They all make me smile. (I probably shouldn't have said that, huh? LOL!) Anyway, I guess my point is, you aren't a bad mother, you just had a bad moment. And that happens to all of us.

'Bella

PS. I'd sit and read with her, play patty cake, itsy bitsy spider, etc...make her clingy-ness a positive experience. From rereading your post, it sounds like she just needs a lot of attention right now. I know that doesn't help you get your things done but if you can have a good time with her, it will at least make your time enjoyable, rather than frustrating. The phase wont last, and you'll both be happier for it in the end.