I think he's always upto something??...

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AlwaysConcerned

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Jul 7, 2013
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Hey everyone..
I am new here and would love some help.

So i have a daughter. She's 18 and attending collage. But for the past few days, she's been all secretive about her smartphone... I feel like she's upto something :( I hear her talk late at night and often making unusual grins at the phone screen....

Thoughts?
 
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AlwaysConcerned

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Jul 7, 2013
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TabascoNatalie said:
Why not? She's18
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Well i don't want her to end up like those kids who start having sex and lose their virginity 20 years before marriage... I want her to have a normal life :(
 
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AlwaysConcerned

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Jul 7, 2013
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TabascoNatalie said:
not abnormal, but not very realistic this day and age. :(
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All thanks to our damn Western culture :/
It's really sad you know? Who wants his/her daughter to go to hell after death... Don't we all want a normal family? I was thinking of purchasing some program I found the other day, to track her activities. Not sure of this yet. But I will do some testing and googling myself, before buying it off like that.. I'll let people here, know. But what's your view on the virginity thing? :)
 
TabascoNatalie

TabascoNatalie

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Jun 1, 2009
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I don't want to offend your religious views, but I really don't think one is going straight to hell because of unpreserved virginity.

Tracking programs??? Get real... Unless you want to her to move out and not even bother to visit.
 
singledad

singledad

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Oct 26, 2009
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IMO, monitoring an 18 year old with the aim of stopping her from having sex is unrealistic and will probably result in destroying your relationship with her.

But then, by your standards I'm going to hell, so it's up to you whether or not you want to take my advice.
 
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randomperson

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Jul 2, 2013
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I really don't think that such a bold invasion of privacy can go unnoticed by her. Don't you think that since she's 18 she's capable of being responsible for her own life? I mean do you really want her to cut off all ties with you? Plus, I'm more than certain that tracking her is most likely illegal. I deeply advice you against it, it'll only lead to heart-ache and disaster.

As for the virginity thing, I don't want to tell you what to believe, but honestly, I really doubt anyone is going to hell for having sex. I mean, I'm most likely going to hell, just not for that specific reason.

Think about it, we live in a world that is capable of dealing with the consequences of sex, and since she's 18, shouldn't she have the right to choose her path for life?

Also, I feel like you're jumping to conclusions. Just because you THINK she's in love doesn't automatically mean she's having sex. Sex doesn't necessarily mean love and vice-versa.

I think you should give her some space, it's her life. That's nothing to say that it prevents you from being in it, just tracking certainly is not the way to go. If you were an 18 year old girl, would you really react so playfully had you learned that your mother had been tracking your activities? It not only creates an atmosphere of distrust, but it also makes you out to be sort of a control freak in her eyes which could potentially wreck havoc on your relationship.
 
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cybele

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Feb 27, 2012
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Pretty sure tracking another adult without their consent, regardless of relation is illegal, you know, the whole stalking is bad thing?

And for that matter maybe she isn't in love or wanting to have sex, that was a guess by a member followed by an assumption by you. For all you know one of her friends sent her a funny picture.

Honestly, if I had a dollar for every time my oldest showed me a picture of a cat that was sent to her by her best friend, well, you know how the saying goes.
 
adoptive dad

adoptive dad

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Jun 26, 2013
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I have opinions from two different sides of this
1) having grown up in an evangelical church I do believe that sex before marriage is a sin however I would never judge a person who had sex out of marriage. I'm thinking What Would Jesus Do? He would love the person he loves those who do wrong. I don't think you should judge your daughter expecially on a hunch like this. Christianity should be a personal journey/relationship. As her mother you can only advise and love let God do the rest. This is my personal view and isn't trying to disrespect your views in anyway.

2) As a parent of a daughter I understand your worry and wanting to protect your daughter (I like most parents want the best for my little angel so understand) However she is 18 and an adult (at least she would be here in England) she needs to make her own choices. You need to be there to give advice and be there for her whatever, but tracking? Other than the legal implications its going to push her away most likely. She needs your trust that way she'll respect you more. Ask her about it communication is the key in a relationship even at their young age I talk things through with my kids and I give them honest advice with the agreement I don't get angry but instead help them find a solution. But most important make sure it is what you think first.
 
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nwcrazy

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Aug 28, 2011
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You can't control her. If you clamp down, she will resist.

One of the goals of parenting is to teach your kids right from wrong AND to hope your teachings lead them to make good sound decisions when they grow up. If "WE" raise our kids right, the chance that they'll make the right calls as an adult increases.

My advice to you is to not track your 18 year old daughter. It's doomed to fail. And it will degrade your relationship with her. Talk to your daughter about your concerns. If relevant, explain to her very tactfully, how a "serious" relationship" at this time may derail her future career goals. But, it will be up to her to make her own choices.

Personally, I would leave religion out of it. But that's me.

Good luck
 
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akmom

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May 22, 2012
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A person sees their adult daughter smiling at an iPhone and wonders if she should install tracking software on it?

Lol!

I agree with Tabasco... either this thread is a joke, or a seriously dysfunctional family!
 
A

AlwaysConcerned

PF Regular
Jul 7, 2013
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akmom said:
A person sees their adult daughter smiling at an iPhone and wonders if she should install tracking software on it?

Lol!

I agree with Tabasco... either this thread is a joke, or a seriously dysfunctional family!
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Excuse me, YOU have no right to judge my family like that. Pretty damn sure your family has problems too. Just because you don't show it, doesn't make your any better off. Understood?
 
A

AlwaysConcerned

PF Regular
Jul 7, 2013
69
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adoptive dad said:
I have opinions from two different sides of this
1) having grown up in an evangelical church I do believe that sex before marriage is a sin however I would never judge a person who had sex out of marriage. I'm thinking What Would Jesus Do? He would love the person he loves those who do wrong. I don't think you should judge your daughter expecially on a hunch like this. Christianity should be a personal journey/relationship. As her mother you can only advise and love let God do the rest. This is my personal view and isn't trying to disrespect your views in anyway.

2) As a parent of a daughter I understand your worry and wanting to protect your daughter (I like most parents want the best for my little angel so understand) However she is 18 and an adult (at least she would be here in England) she needs to make her own choices. You need to be there to give advice and be there for her whatever, but tracking? Other than the legal implications its going to push her away most likely. She needs your trust that way she'll respect you more. Ask her about it communication is the key in a relationship even at their young age I talk things through with my kids and I give them honest advice with the agreement I don't get angry but instead help them find a solution. But most important make sure it is what you think first.
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Yours is the only post which makes a bit of sense... Thank you :)
At least you gave the virginity thing some importance..
And as for the tracking part, tracking someone who's part of your family, for legal reasons, is nothing illegal. Not even the court can win, if a mother, can give a good reason to track her daughter. Sadly, not many people understand that logic... Thanks again.
 
A

AlwaysConcerned

PF Regular
Jul 7, 2013
69
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0
nwcrazy said:
You can't control her. If you clamp down, she will resist.

One of the goals of parenting is to teach your kids right from wrong AND to hope your teachings lead them to make good sound decisions when they grow up. If "WE" raise our kids right, the chance that they'll make the right calls as an adult increases.

My advice to you is to not track your 18 year old daughter. It's doomed to fail. And it will degrade your relationship with her. Talk to your daughter about your concerns. If relevant, explain to her very tactfully, how a "serious" relationship" at this time may derail her future career goals. But, it will be up to her to make her own choices.

Personally, I would leave religion out of it. But that's me.

Good luck
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Nicely said really.. Thank you! But religion, for me, is very important. But I just hope she doesn't fall under the bad influence of others in her class. And as for the tracking, it was just a long shot I was talking about.. But in case things get out of hand, I'm going to have to do it. I'll talk to my hubby about it. Besides a mother knows best. Other parents can help, but I don't need Iknowitall parents to teach me how to look after my baby. I need help. Not some dictator asking me what to do with my child's life.. :mad:
 
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