I think he's always upto something??...

[singledad]

I know you're probably not interested in more advice from me, but IMO, when they reach 18, your job is done. You can no longer control her. Now is the time to trust in the lessons you taught her when she was 5, 10 and 13 years old. If you taught her well when she was younger, she should be able to make good decisions now.

 

[singledad]

Excuse me, YOU have no right to judge my family like that. Pretty damn sure your family has problems too. Just because you don't show it, doesn't make your any better off. Understood?

Wow. Why so defensive?

 

[adoptive dad]

Always Concerned: We are all hear to help. I agree with Singledad, your job is done she's an adult you need to trust as hard as that maybe. Trust is important to a parent/child relationship. I see it as I need to trust my kids so they can make the mistakes that they can learn through. We all make mistakes, of course she's gonna stumble you need to be there to help her out of it when she does.

 

[cybele]

How on earth is smiling at a phone automatically a jump to a discussion on religion and virginity?

Am I the only person who smiles for reasons unrelated to sex?

 

[AlwaysConcerned]

I know you're probably not interested in more advice from me, but IMO, when they reach 18, your job is done. You can no longer control her. Now is the time to trust in the lessons you taught her when she was 5, 10 and 13 years old. If you taught her well when she was younger, she should be able to make good decisions now.

Alright.. Thank you!

 

[AlwaysConcerned]

Always Concerned: We are all hear to help. I agree with Singledad, your job is done she's an adult you need to trust as hard as that maybe. Trust is important to a parent/child relationship. I see it as I need to trust my kids so they can make the mistakes that they can learn through. We all make mistakes, of course she's gonna stumble you need to be there to help her out of it when she does.

Thank you so much.. Really appreciated. I'll be posting updates when I can!

 

[AlwaysConcerned]

How on earth is smiling at a phone automatically a jump to a discussion on religion and virginity?

Am I the only person who smiles for reasons unrelated to sex?

You're funny!

 

[akmom]

How on earth is smiling at a phone automatically a jump to a discussion on religion and virginity?

Kinda what I was thinking, Cybele. I'm in the wait-till-marriage camp too, but I didn't think it relevant to the observations at all! Call me judgmental, but I think you have to be a little paranoid to consider tracking software for no other reason than she was smiling at her smartphone...

 

[cybele]

I was a prostitute, my goal for my kids is "Don't take cash for it".

 

[singledad]

You know what - I typed up another long post, but I don't think I'll post it. This isn't a debate around pre-marital sex and I need to stop hijacking threads.

 

[AlwaysConcerned]

You know what - I typed up another long post, but I don't think I'll post it. This isn't a debate around pre-marital sex and I need to stop hijacking threads.

-_-

 

[Xero]

You know, I've had both marital and pre-marital sex, and they both seemed the same to me. lol

But I don't believe in heaven or hell, so I guess it's less exciting for me.

Personally, I would never marry a man that I had never slept with and also lived with for some time. Sounds like a terrible idea to me "I don't know what sex is like with you, and I have no idea if we would get along living together, but let's get married" haha IMO without those things you practically don't even know the person.

Anyway, I'll try not to get carried away with my opinion on that, she's probably just chatting with her friends or a crush or something. If smiling or cracking up at my iPhone means I'm having sex, then my DH should probably start worrying about my best friend and I. She really gets me grinning and laughing, sometimes late at night! 0_o My sister too, even my mom...yikes. lol

I'm sorry this all sounds a little silly to me, she's 18 leave her alone. The poor girl is smiling, yes, something to be concerned about alright...

I wouldn't advise snooping on her and whatnot, but hey treat her however you want, that's one good way to get her out of your hair and on her own if that's what you're after.

 

[AlwaysConcerned]

You know, I've had both marital and pre-marital sex, and they both seemed the same to me. lol

But I don't believe in heaven or hell, so I guess it's less exciting for me.

Personally, I would never marry a man that I had never slept with and also lived with for some time. Sounds like a terrible idea to me "I don't know what sex is like with you, and I have no idea if we would get along living together, but let's get married" haha IMO without those things you practically don't even know the person.

Anyway, I'll try not to get carried away with my opinion on that, she's probably just chatting with her friends or a crush or something. If smiling or cracking up at my iPhone means I'm having sex, then my DH should probably start worrying about my best friend and I. She really gets me grinning and laughing, sometimes late at night! 0_o My sister too, even my mom...yikes. lol

I'm sorry this all sounds a little silly to me, she's 18 leave her alone. The poor girl is smiling, yes, something to be concerned about alright...

I wouldn't advise snooping on her and whatnot, but hey treat her however you want, that's one good way to get her out of your hair and on her own if that's what you're after.

HEY!
Your kids look really really cute! And yes, finally someone who talks sense. Thank you.. Yes I guess I'll leave it for now. Just that sometimes I can get pretty tensed and stuff you know? Thanks for understanding.

 

[Xero]

Your kids look really really cute!

Oh, thank you. I tend to find them cute myself haha.

Well you know, us parents tend to worry about everything. Because we love them.

 

[mom2many]

I'm so lost in this thread. I've sat back and watched it, and I still can;t figure out what the hell is going on.

Laughing at a phone=sex?
Laughing at phone=tracking device?
Premarital sex=hell?

Am I getting this right?

Then my very own adult children are just screwed no matter how you look at it. They laugh at their phones, and I never once assumed sex, nor did I think I should track their every move, and premarital sex....hell that puts most of the worlds population in hell. Not sure hell has that much space in it.

In all seriousness, at 18 you are allowed an opinion, your allowed to have a voice. You are not allowed to track them or get involved in any relationships that are not a abusive, you are not allowed to decide when or where they have sex. You are the parent of an adult, that's a hard one, I know I have been there.

The sooner you accept that, the better off you will be and the happier your child will be.

 

[AlwaysConcerned]

I'm so lost in this thread. I've sat back and watched it, and I still can;t figure out what the hell is going on.

Laughing at a phone=sex?
Laughing at phone=tracking device?
Premarital sex=hell?

Am I getting this right?

Then my very own adult children are just screwed no matter how you look at it. They laugh at their phones, and I never once assumed sex, nor did I think I should track their every move, and premarital sex....hell that puts most of the worlds population in hell. Not sure hell has that much space in it.

In all seriousness, at 18 you are allowed an opinion, your allowed to have a voice. You are not allowed to track them or get involved in any relationships that are not a abusive, you are not allowed to decide when or where they have sex. You are the parent of an adult, that's a hard one, I know I have been there.

The sooner you accept that, the better off you will be and the happier your child will be.

I agree with 40% of what you said, but I am still firm about the sexual issues.. and no. I'm not literally jumping to sex-conclusions because of her smiling at her phone.. Although it may sound like it.

 

[singledad]

I kinda skipped over the "going to hell" bit, because I just can't get my head around the belief that anyone who participated in any kind of sexual contact outside of marriage immediately earns a one-way-ticket to hell. It's just do arbitrary...

 

[AlwaysConcerned]

I kinda skipped over the "going to hell" bit, because I just can't get my head around the belief that anyone who participated in any kind of sexual contact outside of marriage immediately earns a one-way-ticket to hell. It's just do arbitrary...

I'm just talking about intercourse dear!
Anyway, it's highly debatable, although the conclusion is crystal-clear.
Let's just drop the sexual part... Because I love all of you here and I don't want one issue, to destroy the relationship I have with you people here

 

[AlwaysConcerned]

I'm so lost in this thread. I've sat back and watched it, and I still can;t figure out what the hell is going on.

Laughing at a phone=sex?
Laughing at phone=tracking device?
Premarital sex=hell?

Am I getting this right?

Then my very own adult children are just screwed no matter how you look at it. They laugh at their phones, and I never once assumed sex, nor did I think I should track their every move, and premarital sex....hell that puts most of the worlds population in hell. Not sure hell has that much space in it.

In all seriousness, at 18 you are allowed an opinion, your allowed to have a voice. You are not allowed to track them or get involved in any relationships that are not a abusive, you are not allowed to decide when or where they have sex. You are the parent of an adult, that's a hard one, I know I have been there.

The sooner you accept that, the better off you will be and the happier your child will be.

Sweet little kids there btw!
God bless them.

 

[cybele]

My parents were a little too invested in whether I was having sex with my husband pre-marriage or not, but they are of the "you will go to hell" belief.

Going to throw it out there, for the past 20 odd years, my parents have been my in-laws. Of course there have been many issues since then, but that was the first issue and that was the point where I went, "Screw this, I deserve parents who trust me to make my own decisions about my body".

Of course, I don't know how involved you are, or what your daughter's beliefs are, for all we know she could not want to have sex before marriage (and given your jump to tracking devices, can I guess that you don't know where she stands either? That said, I don't know how you would exactly discover sex from a tracking device?).

Just a bit of a story from someone whose been on the other side.