oh man lol..so much drama. my gf and i we got in a big fight today. she took Brandon to her sisters. james was wondering where brandon and ameila went. so i had to tell him that we are going to "take a break" . he wont talk to me lol. he had dinner with me but didnt talk. and then wanted to go to bed early. he didnt hug me goodnight i know hes not his normal self...hes obviously upset. and once he tells his mom theres gonna be a big blow up there. :wacko: but what can i do?? cant undo that one
i think my son hates me.....
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That's rough. Hard for James, hard for dad. I would try and talk to James about it. Ask him how he is feeling, try and validate his feelings and let him know that you understand that he is upset. Brandon is still his brother, no matter where he is, but it's hard when you are missing someone. My son is going to be 10 in June, and even though he knows that the baby is still a baby, and has to be with me, I just found out that he is thinking that when Ilo is bigger that he can go to "dad's" house when Ilo is older.
Brothers just don't want to be apart....and it's tough to explain.It is tough for James. He doesn't hate you he's just angry at you for causing his brother to leave. That's the way he see's it anyway. He doesn't understand about "taking breaks". And probably couldn't care less.
To him the fighting probably resembles what he see's and hears between you and his mom. He may feel like "here we go again" and fears that nothing is ever going to get better. But this time, the consequences of you and your gf fighting results in him loosing his brother. He's pissed!
This is a very important time in his life, he's a "Big Brother" he probably also feels protective of Brandon, and may feel that he'll never see his baby brother again. He feels Helpless.
What would concern me though is how he expresses his feelings. It looks like he's learned that closing down by ignoring you, is the only thing he could do to make his point.
I hope you encourage him to keep talking about this, and that he can tell you ANYTHING even if you don't like what he says. That means you have to listen to all the stuff that's in his head. It may be about you and it may not be pleasant.
If he's afraid you will get mad at him, he'll never open up.
As far as his mother goes, your relationships are your business just like hers are hers. And I wouldn't be surprised if James doesn't tell her at all, he probably knows it will just cause problems.
I hope it all works out.
To him the fighting probably resembles what he see's and hears between you and his mom. He may feel like "here we go again" and fears that nothing is ever going to get better. But this time, the consequences of you and your gf fighting results in him loosing his brother. He's pissed!
This is a very important time in his life, he's a "Big Brother" he probably also feels protective of Brandon, and may feel that he'll never see his baby brother again. He feels Helpless.
What would concern me though is how he expresses his feelings. It looks like he's learned that closing down by ignoring you, is the only thing he could do to make his point.
I hope you encourage him to keep talking about this, and that he can tell you ANYTHING even if you don't like what he says. That means you have to listen to all the stuff that's in his head. It may be about you and it may not be pleasant.
If he's afraid you will get mad at him, he'll never open up.
As far as his mother goes, your relationships are your business just like hers are hers. And I wouldn't be surprised if James doesn't tell her at all, he probably knows it will just cause problems.
I hope it all works out.
I don't think your son hates you, but I do think he's confused, angry and frustrated. I'm not sure what happened to cause the break, and I'm not sure what your plans are, but you need to sort out your differences with your girlfriend if you still want to be together, so you can then give your son a proper adjusted explanation about what is going on or what will happen in the future. I bet alot of his problem is uncertainty and change that wasn't part of his plan.
thanks nancy. i had a talk with him. did not expect for him to have so many things botherin him....he started to cry a littleNancyM said:
im not insensitive i just didnt realise he felt that strongly about all these things. i told him tht he is gonna see brandon again for sure like before....just not sure if it will be really soon. poor kidIt's amazing isn't it Superman, what goes on inside our kid's heads.
It really is. We just don't think they know so much about what's going on.
I know I was always so surprised at what my son observed! I use to let him vent it all out when he was mad or upset with me or anything...(and boy did he ever!) he would just yak and yak, he fizzle out eventually and when he felt better we'd talk about how to fix it.
It's really better to know whats in his head, than for him to act out later in a destructive way.
Keep up the good work with him, your learning like we all had to.
It really is. We just don't think they know so much about what's going on.
I know I was always so surprised at what my son observed! I use to let him vent it all out when he was mad or upset with me or anything...(and boy did he ever!) he would just yak and yak, he fizzle out eventually and when he felt better we'd talk about how to fix it.
It's really better to know whats in his head, than for him to act out later in a destructive way.
Keep up the good work with him, your learning like we all had to.
I was married with my 2 children and I had 3 stepchildren which we had full custody of...when I decided the marriage had to end the children were shocked. They hadn't seen us fight at all. We were careful to not do this in front of the children.
My oldest son at the time was 13...and he said to me "This isn't just your family, Mom. It's my family too." That hit me hard. Just something to think about because I never really looked at it from his point of view
My oldest son at the time was 13...and he said to me "This isn't just your family, Mom. It's my family too." That hit me hard. Just something to think about because I never really looked at it from his point of view