<r>Hi, First I have to apologize for the horrible spelling and grammar you will find in my posts, English is my second language and I had little formal education in properly writing in English, Second thank you for reading my post.<br/>
Short version;<br/>
-Have a defiant 16 y old daughter that sneaks out of the house once a week, and doesn't come from school once a week to meet and have sex and drink with a boyfriend that we do not approve, for his antecedents of drugs and problems accepting adult authority, the boyfriend has been kicked out of school, in juvenile detention, and house arrest, he is only 15, we do not believe he is clean of drugs since his closest friends are users and sell.<br/>
-Sneaking, drinking and unprotected sex started at 12, <br/>
-She and the whole family have been in therapy, she was in meds for a year and in psiquiatric clinic for a week after suicide attempt at 14.<br/>
-She lies and plots constantly, even when the evidence is on her face.<br/>
-Her actions are a danger to herself and are disrupting the family dynamics.<br/>
-Since no consequence or positive reinforcement, is working,with pain in our hearts our wife and I are seeking the intervention of the state and possible looking to place her in a foster home.<br/>
<br/>
Now if you need more details please keep reading.<br/>
There is a little background you need to know to place things in contest, My wife and I are Catholic, we practice and are very involved in the church participating in Christian formation with our kids and charitable work in our community. We were raised in traditional catholic homes in south America we moved to the USA, in our 30s. These to me, are important facts because they are foundation of who we are. We assimilated the American culture, live in Anglo American communities, in summary you can't tell we are immigrants until we open our mouth to speak or eat <E></E><br/>
Here is our dilemma;<br/>
At age 12 our daughter who until that point had been an academic star, the best behaved kid you could have, got with the wrong crowd in 7th grade and started sneaking out of the house, drinking and having sex. She confessed to me and pointed out she could not stop. Since the biggest influence were her friends from school we decided to home school her for the rest of the academic year. I have to mention one of those friends ended up in a rehabilitation camp fro 4 months in the mountains and the other "my daughter's boyfriend ended up expelled from school and in juvenile detention then house arrest, for car theft, driving under the influence without a license and drug position, he is in probation right now.<br/>
During the time she was home schooled she attempted suicide and ended up in the ER then in a psiquiatric clinic for a week, after that she was in meds for a year, we all went to family therapy and in individual therapy for about a year, she would desabel the alarm system and sneake out at night every time she could, to go to meet the boufriend and party, she was caught shoplifting at walmart and we turned her in to other store when we found she stole from them, she would have sex with guys she didn’t even dated, live was hell to make it simple, for her since had no privileges at all and for us, no parent wants to see her child place in danger that way and doing any of that. Then we had some calm she went back to schoo, the bad friends were out of school, she regained all her privileges and things were showing brighrt, she was in the process of getting her driving licesnce, had already her permite, had good friends, was making plans for college and having good teen fun. Then…then the ex-boyfriend was allowed to go back to school this academic year. Two weeks after that she stated to us he was a change man, she was going to date him no matter what, and we shoud trust her, agains our best jusdgement we decided to give him a chance, we rather had them under our supervision and she was allowed to date him in our house, one condition threee strikes and he was out.<br/>
Things went ok for a while, I still had the bitter taste of what happened to her because of the relationship with him. Then He came smelling like pot one day to see her, first strike, sencond strike he was supposed to leave the house one night and we believe he did, but our daughter hide him in her room, we found him next morning. Strike two, because of that our daughter lost her room that was the largest over the garage in the other side of the house and went back to the room in the hallway across from our room, that was the consequence set for abusing the privilege of the private larges room. Because the action was so grave in so many asoects she lost her cell phone that we pay for a month. We also told her we didn’t want to hear from her Boyfriend for a while, my wife and I were hurt by the way abused our trust. We put the cell phone on the safe and a week before we were going to give it back to her, we realized the phone had been used, how? Well the boyfriend ask her to take the phone from the safe and take the sim card and put the phone back, he gave her a used phone so they could talk, we didn’t know at that point our daughter knew how to open the safe. We checked all the messages and learned he blamed us for what was happening, it was not that they violated our trust but we were to stiff and he wanted to punch me in the face for that. That was third forth and 100th strike and we told our daughter se could not date him anymore. They can see each other at lunch in school, but they want more. So here is were the court and foster care comes in the picture, My daughter because she can not see him but at lunch, is sneaking out of the house, this kid by the way he is 15. Is from a divorced family and he lives with his father that travels a lot, so when she sneaks out, goes to his place to drink and have unprotected sex. Sometimes she doesn’t come home and goes with him. Al least once a week she leaves our house in the middle of the night, willows are bolted, we have sensor alarm system, but she always finds a way to get out, sleeping is a commodity in my house now, one night I could not sleep so I went to work at 2:00 am, I have my own business. I turned the alarm to leave and because it was pouring rain I didn’t re-set it, well, she left after me in the middle of the rain bare foot and walked in he pajamas 3 miles to this kids house. She didn’t go to school that day; we called the police and reported a runaway child for the 3rd time. Later that day the mother of the boyfriend took her to school and we went to pick her up. As you can see her behavior is a danger to her self, she is totally defiant to our authority, she wants her emancipation but doesn’t do anything to assume responsibility of herself, she is failing in school, and the relationship with us is not good, we hardly talk to her anymore, she is all the time in her room when she is at home. Our house is a hotel where she stays when the boyfriend can’t have her over because his father is there. We do not know what else to do, My wife and I are seen a therapist specialized in family and he agrees with the measurements we have taken so far. We love our daughter, she was not an accident in our lives, we planned to have her and have loved her before she was borne, we wanted a different live for her and it hurts to our core how she is making this wonderful years of her live a misery and making them so difficult for the rest of the family. Because she might be in greater danger to herself with us and she needs to confront the reality of live and assume the consequences of her actions we are seeking today the intervention of the state to place her in a foster home or some kind of intervention, we can’t keep going like this, it is a game, she doesn’t show up we call police and go looking for her. Yesterday we actually didn’t look for her and she showed up like nothing later that night, what if something was really happening? Please! we need some advice here. Are we doing wrong? Are we bad parents trying to pass our responsibility to others?<br/>
I am sorry for the long post but i wanted to give as much information.<br/>
Have a wonderful day and God bless you!<br/>
<E></E></r>
Short version;<br/>
-Have a defiant 16 y old daughter that sneaks out of the house once a week, and doesn't come from school once a week to meet and have sex and drink with a boyfriend that we do not approve, for his antecedents of drugs and problems accepting adult authority, the boyfriend has been kicked out of school, in juvenile detention, and house arrest, he is only 15, we do not believe he is clean of drugs since his closest friends are users and sell.<br/>
-Sneaking, drinking and unprotected sex started at 12, <br/>
-She and the whole family have been in therapy, she was in meds for a year and in psiquiatric clinic for a week after suicide attempt at 14.<br/>
-She lies and plots constantly, even when the evidence is on her face.<br/>
-Her actions are a danger to herself and are disrupting the family dynamics.<br/>
-Since no consequence or positive reinforcement, is working,with pain in our hearts our wife and I are seeking the intervention of the state and possible looking to place her in a foster home.<br/>
<br/>
Now if you need more details please keep reading.<br/>
There is a little background you need to know to place things in contest, My wife and I are Catholic, we practice and are very involved in the church participating in Christian formation with our kids and charitable work in our community. We were raised in traditional catholic homes in south America we moved to the USA, in our 30s. These to me, are important facts because they are foundation of who we are. We assimilated the American culture, live in Anglo American communities, in summary you can't tell we are immigrants until we open our mouth to speak or eat <E></E><br/>
Here is our dilemma;<br/>
At age 12 our daughter who until that point had been an academic star, the best behaved kid you could have, got with the wrong crowd in 7th grade and started sneaking out of the house, drinking and having sex. She confessed to me and pointed out she could not stop. Since the biggest influence were her friends from school we decided to home school her for the rest of the academic year. I have to mention one of those friends ended up in a rehabilitation camp fro 4 months in the mountains and the other "my daughter's boyfriend ended up expelled from school and in juvenile detention then house arrest, for car theft, driving under the influence without a license and drug position, he is in probation right now.<br/>
During the time she was home schooled she attempted suicide and ended up in the ER then in a psiquiatric clinic for a week, after that she was in meds for a year, we all went to family therapy and in individual therapy for about a year, she would desabel the alarm system and sneake out at night every time she could, to go to meet the boufriend and party, she was caught shoplifting at walmart and we turned her in to other store when we found she stole from them, she would have sex with guys she didn’t even dated, live was hell to make it simple, for her since had no privileges at all and for us, no parent wants to see her child place in danger that way and doing any of that. Then we had some calm she went back to schoo, the bad friends were out of school, she regained all her privileges and things were showing brighrt, she was in the process of getting her driving licesnce, had already her permite, had good friends, was making plans for college and having good teen fun. Then…then the ex-boyfriend was allowed to go back to school this academic year. Two weeks after that she stated to us he was a change man, she was going to date him no matter what, and we shoud trust her, agains our best jusdgement we decided to give him a chance, we rather had them under our supervision and she was allowed to date him in our house, one condition threee strikes and he was out.<br/>
Things went ok for a while, I still had the bitter taste of what happened to her because of the relationship with him. Then He came smelling like pot one day to see her, first strike, sencond strike he was supposed to leave the house one night and we believe he did, but our daughter hide him in her room, we found him next morning. Strike two, because of that our daughter lost her room that was the largest over the garage in the other side of the house and went back to the room in the hallway across from our room, that was the consequence set for abusing the privilege of the private larges room. Because the action was so grave in so many asoects she lost her cell phone that we pay for a month. We also told her we didn’t want to hear from her Boyfriend for a while, my wife and I were hurt by the way abused our trust. We put the cell phone on the safe and a week before we were going to give it back to her, we realized the phone had been used, how? Well the boyfriend ask her to take the phone from the safe and take the sim card and put the phone back, he gave her a used phone so they could talk, we didn’t know at that point our daughter knew how to open the safe. We checked all the messages and learned he blamed us for what was happening, it was not that they violated our trust but we were to stiff and he wanted to punch me in the face for that. That was third forth and 100th strike and we told our daughter se could not date him anymore. They can see each other at lunch in school, but they want more. So here is were the court and foster care comes in the picture, My daughter because she can not see him but at lunch, is sneaking out of the house, this kid by the way he is 15. Is from a divorced family and he lives with his father that travels a lot, so when she sneaks out, goes to his place to drink and have unprotected sex. Sometimes she doesn’t come home and goes with him. Al least once a week she leaves our house in the middle of the night, willows are bolted, we have sensor alarm system, but she always finds a way to get out, sleeping is a commodity in my house now, one night I could not sleep so I went to work at 2:00 am, I have my own business. I turned the alarm to leave and because it was pouring rain I didn’t re-set it, well, she left after me in the middle of the rain bare foot and walked in he pajamas 3 miles to this kids house. She didn’t go to school that day; we called the police and reported a runaway child for the 3rd time. Later that day the mother of the boyfriend took her to school and we went to pick her up. As you can see her behavior is a danger to her self, she is totally defiant to our authority, she wants her emancipation but doesn’t do anything to assume responsibility of herself, she is failing in school, and the relationship with us is not good, we hardly talk to her anymore, she is all the time in her room when she is at home. Our house is a hotel where she stays when the boyfriend can’t have her over because his father is there. We do not know what else to do, My wife and I are seen a therapist specialized in family and he agrees with the measurements we have taken so far. We love our daughter, she was not an accident in our lives, we planned to have her and have loved her before she was borne, we wanted a different live for her and it hurts to our core how she is making this wonderful years of her live a misery and making them so difficult for the rest of the family. Because she might be in greater danger to herself with us and she needs to confront the reality of live and assume the consequences of her actions we are seeking today the intervention of the state to place her in a foster home or some kind of intervention, we can’t keep going like this, it is a game, she doesn’t show up we call police and go looking for her. Yesterday we actually didn’t look for her and she showed up like nothing later that night, what if something was really happening? Please! we need some advice here. Are we doing wrong? Are we bad parents trying to pass our responsibility to others?<br/>
I am sorry for the long post but i wanted to give as much information.<br/>
Have a wonderful day and God bless you!<br/>
<E></E></r>