I wrote a parenting book - do you think it should get published?...

[parentingbook]

Hello everyone.
My name is Zahida, a 25 year old female from Malaysia.

I have been writing a parenting book for about a year. Now i have the final manuscript in my hand i am sort of debating whether my book should go out to see the light or not. As such i would like to receive feedbacks from members of this forum ( you're kind feedback is really appreciated, God bless you)

The reason why i decided to write a parenting book, even when i am not a parent yet myself is because of the huge emotional pain and scars that stems from my rough childhood. Frankly speaking, comparing to other young adults my age i am really blessed - at the age of 25, i have a stable job after graduation, no student loans to be paid (national scholarship student)- my exterior looks very fine and well ahead from some of young adults my age . but on the inside, i am struggling in dealing with my emotional trauma and pain that i had from childhood. it had affects me severely and my problems with my dad hasnt yet stopped - i continue to run away from my problems until this very day.

I truly wish that NO ONE after me should feels how i feel -my pain, that is what propelled me to write this book at the first place. For me, my father means well, but he just didnt know which way to approach a subject - hence the hitting, yelling, sarcasm, all sorts of emotional, mental and physical abuse that is running in our family.

All of this would contribute to parental estrangement one day and when it happens, it is parent's side who would suffer tremendously. Too many time, the parent cannot see this thing is happening, even under his very nose. Children who divorced their parents has already made the decision long time ago. Estranged parents would often cried, feeling at loss of what had they done that would deserve such estrangement (most of them are blind to what they had did), and regret will eat their soul until the day they die.

Some of them reconciled and has a happy ending, but most of parent's fail to reconcile - the child's pain is too deep to even brought it to light for discussion. Glass has already shattered, there is no use to glue it together - you're only hurting your hands in the process.

Because of the amount of pain that me & my father had inflicted on each other, i decided to wrote a book on how to prevent parental estrangement & strengthen relationships with your strong-willed young adults. Strong-willed child is generally tough to raise. In my observation, everything starts with a fight - a fight can spiralling down, leading matter from bad to worse, and therefore my book is focusing on how to prevent fight first by understanding the temperament d& mindset differences that could lead to fight. too many misunderstanding has led to fight - by coming to understanding about differences in personality of child & his mindset, it should lessen the frequent of fight in household.

in the next chapter i talk about 8 psychological wounds that parents subconsciously transferred to their child, despite their very best intention. Parents are unawarely giving their children a psychological wound when they do these 8 things. Some of it could lead to a fight in a household. I also wrote on the alternative ways for this 8 mistakes. i hope that future parents who read my book can avoid these 8 invisible parental mistakes, and use the alternative ways to build their child becoming the best human being they can be.

next chapter, i wrote about 7 mental blocks a parent have that could prevent them from being a good parent & way to build himself - i was aware that my own father are living inside an invisible prison in his head, and the impact it has on his parenting style. And so based on my personal experience, I talk about parenting based on fear for example, the impact, and what to do about it. fear to send your son to pursue his degree overseas for example, because you're afraid bad things could happen to him - i talk about how this fear isnt based on reality, it's nonexistent but inside your brain, and i talk how it could cripple your child's potential. (also the solution to all this mindblocks)

next chapter i talk about the proper way of building your child & strengthening relationships with your strong-willed child. this is different age, what use to works in the past rarely works with strong-willed adult, generation Y that is fiercely independent and competitive in this fast pacing world. i talk about which button that fires them up and which is a turned off for them, and i hope with this understanding parents can build their child the proper way.

My book is about 210 pages. I look forward to receive replies and comments from fellow parents here whether this book would be beneficial to parenting community and whether this book should go published or not. I am not a psychologist nor a parenting expert, and sometimes i do doubt myself what credibility that i possess to write a parenting book. Fellow members, please be the judge >.<

Hopefuly this book is helpful to parents worldwide, that is my wish. The pain that me and my father had felt in our relationships is preventable - if only parents know how.

last but not least - Be the one who leaves a mark on your child when you leave this world, never a scar.

Thank you.

 

[artmom]

1. Times have changed and so have parenting methods. I think many of us can think back to our childhood and pull something from memory that made us think "What were my parents thinking?" Sometimes those answers come after we've had our kids and land in a similar situation and then *lightbulb*. Everyone has a story that is relatable to someone but it doesn't mean that story should be flung out into the mass public, let alone turned into a "parenting book".
If you feel your story is groundbreaking enough to be told to the world, then it would be better told as a memoir or biography.
We are not your parents and I'm coming away with a sense that you are taking it out on other parents or assuming that parents, who would care to read or learn something on abusing children are inflicting harm on them. The fact is that those who do abuse don't care and are aware, though in denial, of being abusive and won't be picking up such book lecturing them not to do so.

If you are interested in teaching parents different approaches in parenting their kids there needs to be extensive research. Participate in a Lamaze class. Interview other parents. Talk to pediatricians and child psychologists and psychiatrists.
What you put out there is going to have a huge impact on someone and I'm sure you don't want to risk giving the wrong advice. The way you are describing your book sounds as if you're writing it as a psychologist in which you are not. This isn't good in the credibility department.

On that note, it's not up to any of us on here whether or not you should publish any book. That is up to the publishers. Have you contacted one?

Are your parents still alive? Have you been trying to mend the relationship you have with your parents? Writing a book so candidly is not going to be beneficial to fixing anything. It will open old wounds, you may end up being the villain in the whole family and your parents will be viewed in only one way. Readers may even think you are manipulated into giving excuses for any abuse you've incurred.
Take a lesson from the horses mouth. I spilled a lot of issues I had with a certain relative to someone claiming to be a psychologist on YouTube. That relative I was talking about some how found the post. Most likely snooping in my account since I forgot to sign out of it when I was there. That kin was hurt, I agreed to delete the post and apologized and we talked it out. I don't think anything was fully solved and I didn't feel any more better talking about it with a stranger. At least I was able to delete what I had written.

The main thing is you are right in that you are not a parent, psychologist, doctor. I've had some horrible experiences at the dentist but I'm not going to write a book on dentistry. Try turning it into a different genre. Even a fictional basing it on a true story would be something better. Then that way you can add some interesting elements that can pull in a broader audience.
Get in touch with someone who can help you better draft and organize your story.

P.S.: Your poll is very one-sided. I don't know what you're really asking and what the choices imply as they could all be viewed as being authoritive or dominating to kids but none suggest to be abusive either.

 

[parentingbook]

1. "Everyone has a story that is relatable to someone but it doesn't mean that story should be flung out into the mass public, let alone turned into a "parenting book".
If you feel your story is groundbreaking enough to be told to the world, then it would be better told as a memoir or biography."

there isnt any specific details running in my family when i wrote this. most of the problem addressed is a general problem parents had with young adults.. for example i wrote about why why overprotecting does more harm than good to our child.

i dont feel my story to be unique enough to get publish into memoir. that is not my target. i do however have some general problems that i think most parents worldwide faces with their young adults, such as conflict in regards with career and lifestyle of young adults that can be addressed together. the whole theme of this book is very general.

2. "If you are interested in teaching parents different approaches in parenting their kids there needs to be extensive research. "

i do backed up my opinions with research to name a few from psychologist Shelly Gable, The Gottman institute, dr Masaru Emoto, among others.. there are all scientific research to backed up what i believed so far.

3. "On that note, it's not up to any of us on here whether or not you should publish any book. That is up to the publishers. Have you contacted one?"

i was merely testing the market, whether parents would find my book useful or not before i publish it. it's important to find people who would benefit from your books - this is a survey to ask parents in this forum, whether they think it would help them along their parenting journey or not. just a pure and simple wish from the author that her book should benefit mankind in some ways, at least that is her hope.

And again thank you for your kind feedback. i appreciate the time you take to wrote it, it is very helpful for me. i look forward to receive other comments from the community members as well