I'm new and here's my view......

[RealityChecker]

Step parents who try to convince others of the false belief and illusion that they love their step child/children as though they were their own, should be asked this question...


If your biological child and your step child were drowning but you could only save one of them, who would you rescue?

 

[mom2many]

I would save whoever I had the best chance of saving...period. I do love my step children as my own and I am the only mother they know. To insinuate otherwise is saying that the heart doesn't have the capacity to love outside of biology.

 

[BabyAngel]

I have to agree with mom2many on that...!!

 

[Father_0f_7]

I'm not a step parent but I have adopted (Jon, he's 16, we adopted him when he was 13).

If Jon was drowning, along with any of my other children I would try and save both of them (duh). If I couldn't, I would save whichever one was closest to me first (I'm obviously not going to bypass one just because the other is my biological child), then jump the hell back in that water and save my other kid or die trying.

I have a feeling you're here to start trouble, and I don't like it.

 

[RealityChecker]

All of you have avoided really answering the question though and instead choose to smokescreen the issue. </SIZE>[/FONT]


If you had equal opportunity to save either one of them, but you were forced to have to make a choice, would you rescue your biological child, or your step child?</SIZE>[/FONT]

 

[mom2many]

If you had equal opportunity to save either one of them, but you were forced to have to make a choice, would you rescue your biological child, or your step child?[/SIZE]</SIZE>[/FONT][/QUOTE]

Why would I be forced to make a choice if I have equal opportunity. That implies I would be able to save them both.

But I am gonna bite at your little word play and assume a gun is being held to my head. The answer is still easy for me, I would save the youngest.

 

[Aylaissi]

I agree that I think you are just trying to start trouble.

Also you are wrong they did answer the question, they would save whoever they had the best chance of saving. That is not a smokescreen, it is the way the world works... It is 100% impossible that you would have equal chance to save both. There are too many variables unless they were both the same age, fit, build, in the same location... And if that was the case then they would be able to save both. Which is what makes me agree you are just trying to stir up trouble.

 

[IADad]

All of you have avoided really answering the question though and instead choose to smokescreen the issue. [/SIZE]</SIZE>[/FONT]


If you had equal opportunity to save either one of them, but you were forced to have to make a choice, would you rescue your biological child, or your step child?</SIZE>[/FONT][/QUOTE]
Well, it's not exactly like your question was fair either, you're obviously trying to lead an answer in one direction and telling our members they are lying to themselves and others if they answer with the the option you're leading to isn't very nice.

That said, I'll throw out another "smokescreen answer" since I'm not a step parent and say absolutely no one can answer that question with complete certainty until they are faced with the situation. We can surmise and project what we think we'd do, what we'd want to do, what we'd intend to do, but answering with certainty is impossible.

 

[Father_0f_7]

If I couldn't, I would save whichever one was closest to me first (I'm obviously not going to bypass one just because the other is my biological child)

Obviously already answered your question...or did you not even read our answers?

 

[singledad]

I smell a troll.

And not even a very good one either

What's your issue with step-parents? Have your ex remarried and now your kids love the step-parent more than you?

 

[cybele]

A large print, bold comic sans troll.

Im not a step parent either, but im going to throw another "smokescreen" into the mix. I would save whoever cannot help themselves.

If, say, my nephew (by law, not biological) Jarrah, age 3, and my daughter Dita, age 17, were for example, caught in a rip tide, and I was equal distance to both, I would save Jarrah without a second thought, because he is 3 and cannot help himself.

If my son Sasha (4) and Jarrah (3) were in the same situation, the best I could do would be to assess who is in the most trouble and who needs my help first.

Of course, this is hypothetical, and chances are, if I were in a rip tide, id be the one needing saving, moreso than my 4yr old, who can swim better than me, but the point is still there. You are also very rarely in a situation where you have equal chance to help 2 or more people, there usually are risk factors and differences between the two.

 

[RealityChecker]

There is a saying I feel that is more than appropriate here...</SIZE>[/FONT][/COLOR]

<SIZE size="150">"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt" </SIZE>[/COLOR][/B][/FONT]</SIZE>


<SIZE size="150">There is no "trouble" in truth, but only in false beliefs and lies. </SIZE>[/FONT][/B]

[/FONT]</SIZE>
A parents' loyalty is a child's blood-bought birthright. The fact that someone would publically admit that they would deny their own child the loyalty and protection that rightfully belong them, and even shamelessly refer to it as "easy", speaks volumes about the type of person/people I'm dealing with. </SIZE>[/FONT][/COLOR]


My heartfelt condolences to the child however... I wonder how they would feel about your assessment. I cannot imagine my own mother or father telling me that they would choose anyone else over me! In any case, I am certainly glad that none of you are my parents. </SIZE>[/FONT][/COLOR]

I believe you are all trying to save face, or to prove something, likely with your spouses, but at the expense of your own blood children unfortunately. I guess it's clear where your loyalties lie. In reality though, if you were actually faced with this situation, I would bet a billion dollars that any of you would be rescuing your own child if you had to make a choice. So please...sell crazy some place else. </SIZE>[/FONT][/B][/COLOR]

Also to address the ridiculous notion that the "heart cannot love outside of biology"...I certainly said no such thing. I will say however that for a step parent to claim they love their step child as much as, or more than their own blood parent does, is simply false, bogus, and untrue.</SIZE>[/FONT][/B][/COLOR]


The truth of the matter is that step parents are unable to provide a step child with the one thing the child needs...UNCONDITIONAL love. Only their real parent can give this to them. </SIZE>[/FONT][/B][/COLOR]

 

[Father_0f_7]

So basically we all answered your question truthfully you just refuse to belive us. Awesome, at least we now know what we're dealing with.

I give Jon unconditional love, as does my wife and my other children.
And FYI, his real parents do crap for him.

 

[cybele]

If you cant love outside of biology, then how do you love a spouse?

 

[momtoallkids]

oh i love ALL of my kids unconditionally. that includes my step son . your way of thinking is rediculeus. you sound like either a scorned ex, or a scorned step-child.

believe me, i am a step child myself. i know damn well that if it came down to it not only would my mother not bother to save me over either one of her other kids but neither would my step-father and thats whats wrong with people. as for my own, it depends on who needs it most. my bio daughter is a great swimmer, i know she would be ok till i could get back to her. my step-son however cannot swim. i would be going for him!!

 

[mom2many]

My step children's mom dumped them like yesterday's trash...and she's the only one who can give unconditional love? If that's unconditional love then I am afraid for children everywhere.

 

[singledad]

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[RealityChecker]

<SIZE size="125">I think what is far more important than whether or not I believe you...is whether or not you believe you. I'm a stranger so I mean who are you trying to convince really? [/COLOR]</SIZE>

<SIZE size="125">You're talking about something entirely different, where the biological parents are deadbeats. I'm talking about when the real parent/s are healthy and active in the child's life but the step parent still claims they have more love. A great number of them will try to hone in on the real parents' role in the child's life and take over. </SIZE>

<SIZE size="125">It doesn't surprise me that the only people I've attracted to this thread are ones who are defensive and who disagree. It tells a story. Most step parents have a lot to prove and they usually have more to say than the child's own blood parent does. A great number of step parents don't know their place and they cross boundaries...even over-stepping blood family members.[/COLOR]</SIZE>

Many step parents are downright abusive and there is a pile of evidence to support my views.</SIZE>[/FONT]

<SIZE size="125">Oftentimes step parents see the step child as competition, especiailly if they have no children of their own, and they want the child out of the way so they can have the biological parents' full and undivided attention. Step parents are often very jealous of the close relationship their spouse has with his/her child/children, and they will try to disrupt it every chance they get. </SIZE>


If they cannot succeed in outrightly getting rid of the child, they will treat him/her poorly or even abusively because of their resentment and jealousy. Oftentimes, unfortunately, the biological parent is blinded to the negative and harmful treatment being inflicted on their child. The step parent often reserves their true colors for when the real parent is absent and twists things later, when the child tries to tell about what really happened. It can be the mission of many step parents to drive rifts between close relationships, isolating and separating family members.</SIZE>[/FONT][/COLOR]


As sick as it is, these are the very ones who will look you right in the eye with a big smile and tell you about how much they love their step-child and that their love is unconditional. What a bunch of hogwash! If you're a good step-parent...you are a minority. </SIZE>[/FONT]

Another common scenario is when two people get together who each have their own child and they raise them together. We'll use Joe and Joanne as an example. Joe has a son named Johnny and Joanne has a son named Jimmy. In Joanne's eyes, Jimmy can do no wrong. Johnny however is constantly blamed and punished by Joanne for mostly everything that goes wrong, and is made to be the scapegoat for all the problems in the house. Joanne is always telling Joe that Johnny is just like his mother, and that he's a bad influence on Jimmy. It becomes her mission to turn Joe against hs son. Joe treats both Jimmy and Johnny with respect but his own child is treated poorly and unfairly. It's taking a toll on Johnny's self-esteem and sense of self-worth. Joanne eventually demands that Joe choose between her, or his son.</SIZE>[/FONT]


It is also very common for a step parent to steal a child's rightful inheritance from them, should their real parent die unexpectedly without a will. </SIZE>[/FONT]


Sometimes one spouse doesn't have any kids of their own but the other does. Then they decide to have children together and the step parent will try to get their spouse to forget about their first child so they can focus on the ones they have together. The same thing as I decribed above, ends up happening, and the first child is excluded by the step parent and constantly put down while the other children are wonderful and can do no wrong.</SIZE>[/FONT]

There are other scenarios but it sure would be nice to hear from some educated people who are in the know about these things, instead of defensive step parents with something to prove. </SIZE>[/FONT]

More information soon...</SIZE>[/FONT]

 

[cybele]

You know, something I say to my 12yr old is "If youre going to reference studies, you need to quote them or somehow provide them, otherwise there is no point in bringing them up"

 

[Xero]

Ugh, what a troll.

Well, thanks for belittling my position as an adopted child.

Just for future reference, the next time you want to troll a parenting forum with this topic, a better way to pose the question would be one that doesn't have as many variables. Something such as: "If you were unarmed and tied up, and someone held a gun to your child's head and your step child's head, and told you to pick one to live, which would it be? And that you must pick one of them or they would both be shot". However, I still think that there might be varying answers. I don't think it's just as easy as you make it out to be.

These types of questions are just pointless and stressful. Being a good step parent has nothing to do with possible death scenarios or who you would "pick". How childish. I mean, let's just go all the way here and put this in a new light. Who would you choose between your son or your daughter? Your oldest and your youngest? Your twins? What if both of my boys were drowning, who would I save? What do you make of whatever my answer would be? If I said I'd save whoever was closest or youngest, would that too be a smokescreen answer even though one of them isn't a step child? I mean, what does that say about your theory?

The point is not who you would save if they were dying, but that you do your absolute best while they are alive to treat them with as much unconditional love as your biological children. To make a conscious effort to treat them equally, love them equally, and make them feel equal to your own. What you would do in such a rediculous, unlikely, made up scenario is not important and pointless to think about.