I'm not ready for this...

[yunihara]

So, my girl turned 11 in January of this year, and today, she came home and was very distraught. She wouldn't talk to me about what was wrong, but later, my wife told me that she had, had her first period! Now, I know I can't understand fully what that means to a young woman, but I thought that she would be proud or happy about it, but it seems like she is devestated! I would like to be able to talk to her about it, but she has no interest in discussing such a thing with me. I'm a little hurt, I guess, because she has always talked to me about everything. And needless to say, I was hoping we had a few more years before she took this step towards womanhood. I was concerned at first because to me, she seems too young, but I was educated that it isn't.

So, the question is, is should I try to talk to her about it? I feel like it would embarrass her because I am a man, but I want her to know that she can talk to me about it if she wants/needs to. I want her to be happy about this, not upset. My wife says that perhaps my girl was unprepared for it as well, and that she may think she can't be a kid anymore. I want her to know that, that isn't true! But like I said, she may find it embarrassing to talk to me about it. Not to mention that I am feeling a mix of pride and sadness, and I am completely unprepared for her inevitable journey into puberty.

 

[MomoJA]

I would say let her decide when she is ready to talk about it to you. If you were close before, she'll come around again. But give her some time. This can be a shocking thing. The reality of it is much less romantic than the threshhold it represents. But it is certainly the beginning of a new era for her, and that can be frightening.

She may never talk to you about her period, but she'll get over any awkwardness she may be feeling now around you.

You know your child better than any of us can. She may want you to continue treating her exactly as before, or she may want you to treat her just a little differently - slightly more like a young adult than the child she has been to you until now, but if you don't show any awkwardness around her, she will understand that she can talk to you about it if she wants to.

 

[stjohnjulie]

I know when I first got my period I was not prepared and was embarrassed. Not afraid, but uncomfortable and ill prepared. I was 12...so a little older. I would have NEVER talked to my dad about it and had kind of felt like I wished he didn't even know. We were close in some ways, but this was not something I would have talked to him about.

If you feel like you really want to say something to her, I would say write it in a note so she doesn't feel so awkward by a face to face talk. And make it vague and just let her know that you support her and want her to know that she can talk to you about anything.

This is a big event in a young woman's life. And change can sometimes be hard. She will be fine! I would encourage you or your wife to explain things to her. I know when I first got my period I was waiting 30 days and expecting to see my next period. It didn't come again for 3 or 4 months and I was a little surprised by this. Not to mention all of the hormonal changes that make you feel like you are losing your marbles.

 

[mom2many]

Leave it alone for now, getting your period is not a happy and joyous occasion. It may be the symbol of womanhood but it is no fun and in some ways at that age very restricting.

My girls didn't talk their dad about it at all, barely talked to me about it at all but if they did have a question they knew they could come to me, I do not think they would have ever gone to their dad.

Flash forward a few years and they are not as shy about it around their dad, sure they don't have open and meaningful discussions about it lol but they don't shy away from it when it is making them uncomfortable.

When she is ready, she will let you know until then all you will do is embarrass her.

 

[skmom]

My dad talked to me when I got my first period, I was 12. I was extremely embarrassed at the time but I really think his talk made me feel better in the end. I remember him telling me not to be embarrassed because dads know all about periods too and if I ever needed supplies or had questions I could ask him or mom. I remember being surprised that he knew, I guess I kind of thought mom just hid it from him too. After that we never had long deep conversation about my period but I was more comfortable when the time came each month.

 

[yunihara]

Thanks for the input! Right now, I just let her know that she can talk to me about anything if she needed to, and she smiled and said "OK, and I know you know" but then went on with her day and didn't say anything else about it. I think I'll just be available to her if she needs me..She seems to be happier today so I don't want to cause her any embarrassment lol. Now how to make myself get over the "my little girl is not a little girl anymore" feeling...

 

[stjohnjulie]

Now how to make myself get over the "my little girl is not a little girl anymore" feeling...

Now that<I>is </I>the hard part! My son is going to be 10 in June and we are quickly approaching the "talk". I thought that I would have already had the talk with him by now but he isn't ready quite yet. I really thought the questions would start because I was pregnant and he now has a little brother (born in December). But he never questioned how all of this happened. I've been hinting around at it for several months and although he seems a little curious, he still says, "I don't think I'm going to like this, am I?" It's kind of funny But I don't care how embarrassed he feels, there is no way in HELL I am going to let his father have the talk with him. He will be very confused and sorely misinformed. I will handle it!