In the shadow of a sibling?...

[musicmom]

My children are a seven year old boy and my twins are six year old girls. Both my son and first twin are gifted and my littlest twin is a very smart child (all B's) she has her own specialties like she's quiet and sweet and my other two are a bit on the hyper side (normal kids)
So my question is...have you ever had to live in the shadow of a smarter sibling? How did your mother handle it? How did it make you feel? Were there special things your mother did to make you feel just as equal?

 

[Lissa]

Okay, I'm going to be honest here. I don't like that word "gifted" at all. All children are gifted in one way or another. Of course intelligence is very important, but when you give it a name like "gifted" you're only asking to hurt someone's feelings. JMO I would just make sure that they are all treated equally and no one is given any special treatment.

 

[musicmom]

I do try and treat them equally. I just wanted what her perspective would be on it as a child. I don't call my children gifted to them. My son is in an extra class that is a gifted program because his grades exceed the average students. For this reason I wasn't sure I would let them put him in it. They all are so close in age so when they play together it's obvious that she is not on their level educationally. Don't get me wrong my littlest is very smart but she is not as fluent in reading as the other two. I can see that she notices and it makes me feel bad. I don't want her to feel different.
I have already talked with her letting her know that the other two are not more special then she is or vice versa. I can see her competing. I just don't want her to be hurt because she isn't learning at their pace.

 

[FooserX]

I see jealousy runs in the family.

:no:

 

[musicmom]

Fooser, are you really THAT bored?

 

[Lissa]

I see jealousy runs in the family.

:no:

You're an asshole.

 

[musicmom]

I reported it. Sorry Fooser but your remarks are really uncalled for and inappropriate.

 

[SpitNCobra13]

Develop her interests and make her feel special- every child, every person for that matter has their own thing that they are good at, and that they were made to do. Help her find what makes her happy and what she is good at, and help her develop that interest and feel good about it.

 

[musicmom]

I really do try Alex I'm just hoping I'm doing it right. I don't want to go overboard and make her think "oh my gosh I really am not as smart" but she is!

 

[PennQuaker09]

I would just always tell her how smart she is. Treat them all the same way. Because a lot of performance is psychological. If you get into her head that she is just as smart as her brothers, she's going to believe she's just as smart and she'll work harder at something when it's tough.

 

[musicmom]

That's what I am hoping for. She gets so frustrated. I tell her separately that she has things that I love about her that are special that her brother and sister don't do like she's so quiet and loving and she's my baby and she's better in math and she writes neater and she's going to make a wonderful mother by the way she plays with her dollies. This seems to brighten her up
I remember my mother telling me that I'm her favorite and then I over heard her telling the same thing to my sister!! lmbo

 

[PennQuaker09]

I don't know if I would ever tell one of my kids that he or she was my favorite, even if I was telling the others the same thing. I wouldn't feel right doing that. I really hate labels that are given to kids. Because it causes situations like this. I had a friend in high school who was brilliant and her parents expected the same thing from all of their kids. Her sister had a harder time because of all of the kids, she was the least academically focused. But she still ended up attending Auburn (which you have to be pretty smart to get into and through).

 

[Lissa]

I don't know if I would ever tell one of my kids that he or she was my favorite, even if I was telling the others the same thing. I wouldn't feel right doing that. I really hate labels that are given to kids. Because it causes situations like this. I had a friend in high school who was brilliant and her parents expected the same thing from all of their kids. Her sister had a harder time because of all of the kids, she was the least academically focused. But she still ended up attending Auburn (which you have to be pretty smart to get into and through).

Exactly.

 

[SpitNCobra13]

Read/Watch the secret- it will help!

 

[musicmom]

Oh, I didn't mean I would tell MY kids that each one of them was my favorite. Lol. was just saying how I remember my mother doing that. I hope they all go to a good college.

 

[1dayatatime]

I agree with the other posters. Praise her on her differences. Since there was only two of us in my family I was the favorite daughter and my bro was the favorite son. My bro and I have never been competitive. We are so completely different.

 

[musicmom]

Thank you all for your replies.

 

[Kaytee]

My sister has two kids, and she tells her son that he is her favorite boy in the whole world, and the girl is obviously the favorite girl. You can always do that!!!

 

[musicmom]

I cam't. I have one boy and I do tell him "you are my favorit-test boy in the whole wide world....but I can't do that with my twin girls hahahaha. I tell them that they are my favorit-test girls in the world

 

[Kaytee]

Yo ucan say, you are my favorite youngest daughter and my favorite older daughter. Just because they are twins, doesn't mean one is not older then the other right