Iphone issue!...

[Aunt]

My niece recently on a "dare" send a provocative picture of herself to a male friend. He of course sent it to every kid he knows A concerned mother sent it to me. She is devastated. I have taken the phone away and replaced it with a very basic phone that does not have a camera. We have also agreed for now that i will be making random checks of her txt messages etc until she can earn my trust back.
To be honest i never wanted her to have an iphone in the first place because i wanted to prevent this sort of thing but it was a gift. Should I eventually give it back (when the penalty is over) or replace it with one of those ipod touches? Is this penalty enough? I dont doubt her remorse as she has cried herself to sleep several times over this so don't want to make her feel worse but by the same token want her to avoid this sort of thing happening again.

 

[16th ave.]

well, if she's already getting a hard time from her friends and other kids at school after this stunt--i'd finish up the punishment and let her have it back with the understanding that she looses it forever if this sort of thing happens again.
i still remember what it was like to be picked on at school and it aint no picnic. it aint something ya want to have to deal with as a kid. between the punishment and the hard time your niece might get at school, she's not likely to forget anytime soon what can happen unless all the kids around her think that sort of behavior is coool and really encourage it.

 

[Xero]

Well... I think that iPhones are a LOT for a kid to handle. They do a LOT. There are so many things you can do with them, I'd be worried about how a teen could handle one. I would never have an issue spending that kind of money on my kids, but I'm not sure if I would do it just because there are so many situations made available by an iPhone. It seems like something like this is bound to happen. But I could be wrong.

I personally would replace it with an iPod Touch. They're awesome, I have one myself (I'm listening to it right now!! ). It doesn't take pictures, and (obviously) doesn't send messages or make calls. But it does every other awesome thing that an iPhone does. They're wonderful haha. Eli plays games on it all the time. He's amazing at it. But BF and I both have fairly regular phones. They're nice, but nothing extravagant. I don't think it would be so horrible for you to do that to her. It really doesn't take much away from her.

But if you think she can handle it, you know best whether or not you should give it back. Maybe she can do better. I don't think the iPod would be so bad though.

 

[Aunt]

well yeah it is the camera I never liked. I recognize a phone is necessary these days & will eventually respect her privacy when she earns it back, but I do tend to think the peer pressure to do dumb & very permanent things is a little much.
As I understand it a touch can take almost all the same apps. IS that true? She is really into the apps and games and I dont take issue with them.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

i think it would be appropriate to reconcile the kids. their reaction was hopefully an effective lesson, but it is enough by now. picking on can get out of control and then there may be trouble.

as for iphone, i also think it's a too 'serious' item for a kid. but since it was a gift, i'd say give it back after a while, when you think she served her punishment. hopefully she learned the lesson and handle it properly.

 

[Xero]

As I understand it a touch can take almost all the same apps. IS that true? She is really into the apps and games and I dont take issue with them.

Oh yeah, we're obsessed with our apps lol!! We have tons. They work the same on the iPod as they do on the iPhone. Yeah the touch literally does everything, all of the apps and games, that an iPhone does, just no calling or messaging or picture taking. But I THINK the iPhone has internet service wherever it goes if you subscribe. Right?? Well, just so you know before you think about buying it, the iTouch does have internet as well but you have to be in an area that has service, like McDonalds or Starbucks or whatever in order to use it. That's the only other difference I can think of between them. My friend has an iPhone, so we have compared. When you go to buy one though, I would just make sure to get the 16G (they have 8G and 32G as well, but I find the 16G to be not too small and not way too much). That will have enough room for her to do pretty much anything, unless she has 100,000 songs then she might need the 32G LOL. The 8G just doesn't have enough room in my opinion.

 

[Aunt]

Zero I thought I would get the 32 gig as a consolation prize providing she is good. She thinks the iphone is gone forever with no replacement so it might be a nice surprise.
Natalie I have taken into consideration that it was a gift and share your unease about it, but then ithink this might be one of those times when it actually makes te kid's life easier to be the ogre. She can tell her friends what a nazi i am till the cows come home but at least some idiot boy wont be able to convince her to do something stupid again with a phone quite so easily. I know when it came to impressing boys I was a slow learner & tend to think some things never change.

 

[Jeremy+3]

You do realise ipod touch can be used as a phone when you put your headphones in and can send pictures to anyone just as an iphone can.

 

[Aunt]

i know skype can be used in a wifi hotspot but how can you send a picture if it doesnt have a camera? you mean by email?

 

[Jeremy+3]

Anything you can put on a computer, you can put on an ipod touch, and then send it to anyone you like. You don't have to send it by email, you can send it to all, which would send the picture or information to all computers in reach, we've had to ban them from school to stop dodgy pictures and videos going around.

 

[Xero]

Obviously you can put anything you have on your computer on your iPod. But you can NOT make calls with an iPod, it does NOT have the equipment in it Jeremy,the only way to make a call with one is if you download a certain app that has a monthly fee and you buy a headset and it not only has terrible sound quality, but calls can only be made if you are in an area with WiFi (McDonalds, Starbucks) which in most places you have to pay for. How does that make sense that they would sell the exact same thing for such a huge price difference but with different names?? I have an iPod touch. It is significantly skinnier than an iPhone, because it literally is missing the parts that are used in the iPhone to make regular phone calls. It has no ability to send messages UNLESS you install an instant messaging app AND you're at Starbucks or some other area with WiFi in it. And the only way you could send a picture is if you took one with your digital camera, uploaded it to your computer, connected your iPod, put it on your iPod, drove to Starbucks, paid a $2.95 connection fee via credit card, and then E-MAILED it to all of your friends and even that process is rather complex and totally not worth it. She can do that from her computer much easier via the internet without going to starbucks and paying for it using a tiny screen as opposed to her computer.

 

[Xero]

Anything you can put on a computer, you can put on an ipod touch, and then send it to anyone you like. You don't have to send it by email, you can send it to all, which would send the picture or information to all computers in reach, we've had to ban them from school to stop dodgy pictures and videos going around.

That's because you work at a school, and schools have free WiFi. And they are sending them using their e-mail with the internet on their iPods, or if they have the instant messaging app installed. And mind you, this is only after she's taken the picture using her camera at home and uploaded it to her computer and then to her iPod.

 

[Jeremy+3]

Schools here do not have free wifi, we aren't stupid. They just use any wireless connection they can find, passworded or not, you can easily get into any wireless connection password or not which is why when you use a shops internet you do not need to pay or gain a password for access if you don't want to.
You don't have to get a phone app that you are charged for either, you can get an app for 49p which includes clear code to prevent any fuzzyness or anything in your call, I've used it, just as clear as a landline.

 

[Aunt]

jeremy I think your points are valid and it probably depends on the individual kid but by the same token the trouble it takes for her to procure wifi access, remember to download photos etc are likely to make her think twice. I think most youthful acts of phone stupidity whether it be txt wars or sending inappropriate pictures are sponteneous.

So i think a touch may be a compromise. Providing she behaves with the txts in the next month or so of course

 

[zeitgeist]

Can't believe I'm joining an iPhone topic and am going to steer clear of the capabilities of the phone. (I'm something of a Mac & iPhone junkie.)

"Sexting" is a term for taking provocative pictures of yourself and sending them to others. If the person taking the picture of him/herself is underage, most laws in the country these days say that they're producing child pornography and they can be prosecuted.

Here's a search for "Kid Sexting Prosecute" on Google news. Just look at all the stuff it brings up.
kid sexting prosecute - Google News

If the utter embarrassment of having her picture shown all around isn't enough - and I think it probably is - pointing out the added insanity of the possibility that she could be prosecuted for taking pictures of herself could give her the incentive to not do it again. MIGHT even be enough to get the kids who have the picture to delete it... probably not.

As for taking away the iPhone... it's probably overkill - as you say, she's already crying herself to sleep over the fact that this picture is out there for all to see. The embarrassment is probably enough to have taught her the hard way to not repeat the mistake.

Besides, do you have a digital camera in the house? A webcam? A video camera that can export to the computer? Any one of these things could be used to have produced the same pictures (or video) and then send them. Have they been banned too?

Sit down with her and make sure that she understands that posting things online, can have unintended, lingering consequences. Take a picture and send it to someone... well, she's probably picked up on that one. Post online that you're going to be somewhere at some time, and people you don't want to meet can find you there. Say how much fun you're having on your vacation in Greece on a forum and you've just announced that the house is empty, and if you're planning on burglarizing the place there's no better time.

Go into the conversation with good information. This seems to be an informative site with both parent-oriented, kid-oriented, and teen-oriented information.
NetSmartz.org
(I haven't gone through the whole thing, but if you don't like this one "Kid Internet Safety" on Google brings up a lot of worthwhile-looking links.)

Good luck. Hope she gets past this without too much embarrassment.

 

[Aunt]

thanks for the site. It does look good. We had a long talk about the strong arm of the law. My bf who is a lawyer joined in with that.
To be honest the reason why i am leaning toward taking the phone is less about punishment and more about protection. I think so much can happen on the spur of the moment.
But yes we do have a digital camera at home so i take your point.