My 24-year old daughter is about to be evicted from her rented house. She and her husband are separated. They have three children and neither have a job. We have helped them too much with expenses but mainly because of the grandkids. Has anyone else been in this situation? If so, what did you do. My husband and I have stepped out of the picture of helping (enabling) them, but it is so hard to see the grandkids suffer because of their irresponsibility.
Irresponsible Daughter and Husband...
- Thread starter outsidegirl
- Start date
I've not been in that situation directly, but you can still help the grandkids without paying all of the bills. YOu can provide food, clothing, etc. for the grandkids without paying the electric bill.
well I haven't been there because my kids are young but is there anyway you can help those kids without really helping mom and dad. Like instead of giving your daughter money, could you give her clothes for the kids, foods only they like, diapers? I totally understand not wanting to bail your daughter out anymore but as you said, it's hard to watch the kids suffer. You can still be there for the kids without giving money to you daughter and her husband
Thank you for the most recent replies. Yes, we still help with clothes, diapers, groceries. She is receiving public assistance. My immediate concern is when they become homeless.
If that's the case, then you may have to step in further financially than what you want. However, you can still help with finding jobs, appropriate housing, etc.
That's a hard place, my mom has/had a similar situation with my sister, she let her move in but there wasw a contract of what my mom expected and how long she was expected to do it in, she HAD to follow it or move out, the grandkids could stay, even though it would have been a lot of work for my mom, but she wasn't throwing them out on the street because their mom couldn't do her part. It worked my sister is on her own, and my mom only has to help out with small things. Know in my sisters case there are some learning challenges that weren't caught until to late and she only has an 8th grade education, but she doesn't rely on my mom like she used to.
I think that you should contact child services and/or file for custody of the kids. It sounds crazy, but it's completely possible. If you're not responsible enough to take care of your kids and provide a stable and comfortable home and situation for them, then you don't deserve to have them around, in my opinion. Just because she gave birth to them doesn't mean they have to go through all the troubles she gets herself into by being irresponsible. It's not fair to them. Your daughter would probably hate you, but one day she might understand. She needs to learn that in order to have kids, you have to be an adult (or act like one at least). They would probably survive, but why do they have to go through that? Any judge would agree with you that if they can't stay up on their feet (and aren't even trying by getting jobs), that their kids should not be with them. If anything, you might be able to teach her a very hard lesson. You don't know what you've got till it's gone. And you have to take care of it in order to keep it.
I'm not saying take them away and keep them away forever. But maybe they should live with you, still seeing their parents of course, and they can go back when the parents meet the judge's requirements. And in my opinion, your requirements as well. You can't let innocent children live like that.
This is all of course if you even COULD or would WANT to do that. Just an idea, I feel strongly about the idea of children being well taken care of and in a good situation. It's a big deal to me so I probably sound really strongly opinionated right now. Anyway, I like the idea the others had about only buying them things they need for the kids, not giving them money. That would also be smart, but doesn't necessarily solve things.
I'm not saying take them away and keep them away forever. But maybe they should live with you, still seeing their parents of course, and they can go back when the parents meet the judge's requirements. And in my opinion, your requirements as well. You can't let innocent children live like that.
This is all of course if you even COULD or would WANT to do that. Just an idea, I feel strongly about the idea of children being well taken care of and in a good situation. It's a big deal to me so I probably sound really strongly opinionated right now. Anyway, I like the idea the others had about only buying them things they need for the kids, not giving them money. That would also be smart, but doesn't necessarily solve things.
I appreciate your replies. For now "though love" has kicked in and my daughter has told me to stay out of her life. It may be to the point where she has to hit rock bottom to find her way up. BTW, the husband has a responsibility as well. I will continue to keep a close eye on the grandkids through the oldest child's teacher and some others.
I think that's probably the best thing at this point. She's only going to learn to stand on her own 2 feet when she's allowed (or forced) to do so.outsidegirl said:
I hope she finds a way to stabilize everything and make a better life for herself and your grand babies.
Aww I <3 you too. lolGood luck and stay strong!
By the way - did you try contacting the husband's parents? Are they involved/concerned??
By the way - did you try contacting the husband's parents? Are they involved/concerned??
The husband's family cannot provide much help and have problems of their own. All I can do is take this one day at a time, with God's help.
If you keep bailing her out every time she's in trouble, she will never learn to be mature or responsible. She will be asking you for a handout until she's 45, and I'm sure you dont want that. I think its great that you are sticking to your guns and not bailing her out and letting her stand on her own two feet.
If she wants more money, then welfare, food stamps, and the food bank are the only places that she should get help from. The money they provide ppl is MORE than enough. I have seen too many people getting excessive welfare benefits while they act wasteful with the money. But thats an entirely different topic.
If your daughter and daughters husband are abusive or neglectful parents, call Child Protective Services NOW!! You are doing a huge disservice to your grandkids by protecting your daughter and her no good husband. If I were in your situation I would adopt my grandkids temporarily to remove them from a terrible home life. When their parents get their life together they can be returned to the parents. What matters most is what is best for the grandkids. You need to exercise TOUGH LOVE!!!
If she wants more money, then welfare, food stamps, and the food bank are the only places that she should get help from. The money they provide ppl is MORE than enough. I have seen too many people getting excessive welfare benefits while they act wasteful with the money. But thats an entirely different topic.
If your daughter and daughters husband are abusive or neglectful parents, call Child Protective Services NOW!! You are doing a huge disservice to your grandkids by protecting your daughter and her no good husband. If I were in your situation I would adopt my grandkids temporarily to remove them from a terrible home life. When their parents get their life together they can be returned to the parents. What matters most is what is best for the grandkids. You need to exercise TOUGH LOVE!!!
Motherofacutie... Did you really send me a PM regarding how I can lower my phone bill to $30 a month? Seriously, spamming by PM now? This is a parenting forum, not a place for you to peddle your wares.