My girlfriend and her 4 year old daughter from a previous marriage have been living with me for a year (I know.....not the ideal situation, but that's the way it goes). The little girl looks forward to me giving her a bath and I feel like its a way for us to bond. I don't get in the bath with her. To me it seems perfectly normal and we are both totally comfortable with it. I shampoo her hair and scrub her body (not her genitals) with soap....but a friend of my girlfriend (not exactly an ideal parent in my opinion) claims that its wrong for a male to give a 4 yr old female a bath. Its absolutely not a sexual thing for me!! Its just a fun thing we do and we get clean in the process. Any thoughts????
Is it ok for a man to give a bath to a 4 year old female?...
- Thread starter lbartowski
- Start date
There's definitely two sides of the coin here
If it were me, I'd steer clear of the situation. While the intentions are good and you likey don't have any inappropriate feelings, it still raises eyebrows.
I know, as a father, that if my ex's boyfriend or husband was giving my 4 y/o daughter baths, i'd be EXTREMELY uncomfortable with the situation.
As innocent as it is, I'd suggest not doing it. There are many many other ways to bond with your girlfriend's daughter that are just as meaningful without being in a situation that raises any questions.
If it were me, I'd steer clear of the situation. While the intentions are good and you likey don't have any inappropriate feelings, it still raises eyebrows.
I know, as a father, that if my ex's boyfriend or husband was giving my 4 y/o daughter baths, i'd be EXTREMELY uncomfortable with the situation.
As innocent as it is, I'd suggest not doing it. There are many many other ways to bond with your girlfriend's daughter that are just as meaningful without being in a situation that raises any questions.
I kinda have to agree. Not that there is anything wrong with it. Some 4 year olds are starting to get embarressed of the opposite sex seeing them naked, or anyone for that matter. But not all of them. Even though the child is comfortable with it, it may be best to not do it. Saveing your own hiney kinda thing. What if someone starts claiming you are doing something innapropriate? I would hate to see you get blaimed for something that you didn't even do.
I have a 4yo stepdaughter. From my prespective I would not feel totally comfortable with moms boyfriend bathing her. Also at 4 my DD can do all the washing herself except her hair which is very long. When she bathes one of us sits in there to talk to her, wash her hair, and make sure that the washing gets done. I dont really think a 4yo needs to be washed by an adult. Also she drys herself off and dresses herself. We dont allow her to walk naked in the house. She can be naked in the bathroom and her room only.
The dad isn't around. He's a dead beat. Basically I've become the dad and will probably try and adopt her at some point in the future. I shampoo her hair and I have been showing her how to wash her body then rinse her off by pouring water on her. She loves it. Then basically I just supervise her to make sure she's safe. She likes to play with her dinosaurs in the tub afterwards. I'm not actually in the tub with her. Seems ok to me.
If dads not around and the person questioning your behavior is if-y why are you even worried about it? In actuallity its probly a big help to her mom who may be in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner. Thats how bathtime works with us. Whoever doesn't do the bath cleans up after dinner. Everyone has a finger to point. If you and the mother are ok with you giving her a bath then I dont really see the problem.lbartowski said:
I'd first like to preface this post by saying I think you shouldn't be acting like a father to this kid until you marry and commit to the family. "Bonding" with her is just going to be devastating if you guys break up.
That said...
It's the norm for people to live together and act like a family. I don't see anything wrong with it other than my above thought about commitment.
I give my son a bath. He's 4. It's no big deal. I wouldn't call it "fun" though...more a chore...like bathing a dog, but hey...everyone bonds in different ways.
That said...
It's the norm for people to live together and act like a family. I don't see anything wrong with it other than my above thought about commitment.
I give my son a bath. He's 4. It's no big deal. I wouldn't call it "fun" though...more a chore...like bathing a dog, but hey...everyone bonds in different ways.
My husband (my daughter's step-father) gives my daughter baths all the time.
She is 5, so all he does is turn the water on for her, check the temp and pull up the stopper. Then she'll go in there, get undressed, get in the tub and wash herself, at some point one of us will go in there and turn off the water. She'll play in there for a while, but when she's ready, she'll call for someone to come wash her hair - so if I am busy, he will go do it, then help her get out of the tub so that she doesn't slip and fall.
I don't think there is anything inappropriate about that at all. We are a family, and we all help each other out so that the household runs smoothly.
She is 5, so all he does is turn the water on for her, check the temp and pull up the stopper. Then she'll go in there, get undressed, get in the tub and wash herself, at some point one of us will go in there and turn off the water. She'll play in there for a while, but when she's ready, she'll call for someone to come wash her hair - so if I am busy, he will go do it, then help her get out of the tub so that she doesn't slip and fall.
I don't think there is anything inappropriate about that at all. We are a family, and we all help each other out so that the household runs smoothly.
musicmom said:
That, to me, is reason enough to stop. People raising the eyebrow, regardless of how innocent it may be.
...but isn't that the issue here? being taken the wrong way?I don't know the poster, and I will guess he's not a sicko...but why put yourself in that position where outsiders might be suspicious?it probably isn't a necessity that he bathes this little girl, so why do it if it opens a can of worms?maybe I'm too conservative, I guess. I just know what *I'd* think if I knew a non-parent/grandparent was bathing a little girl.he came here for an opinion, I gave mine. your mileage may vary.FooserX said:
for the kiddo it's probably just another day in the tub.
My boys are like this, in that they have no embarrassment and no modesty (at seven and 5) I find myself having to say PUT ON CLOTHES. I don't need to see your winkie. Cover it boy-o. TO which my youngest airs it out and goes "MOM! You mean this??!" :wideeyed: O dear sweet goodness.
When they were four and doing the bath thing I washed hair, but nothing else. I went on missions to bring them toys, towels, a glass of water, more bubbles and anything they might need, but I was starting to encourage independence in bathing.
I sat on the toilet and we talked, but that was my comfort level.
I told stories, I dried water on the floor, but outside of cleaning out ears that was about it.
My boys are like this, in that they have no embarrassment and no modesty (at seven and 5) I find myself having to say PUT ON CLOTHES. I don't need to see your winkie. Cover it boy-o. TO which my youngest airs it out and goes "MOM! You mean this??!" :wideeyed: O dear sweet goodness.
When they were four and doing the bath thing I washed hair, but nothing else. I went on missions to bring them toys, towels, a glass of water, more bubbles and anything they might need, but I was starting to encourage independence in bathing.
I sat on the toilet and we talked, but that was my comfort level.
I told stories, I dried water on the floor, but outside of cleaning out ears that was about it.
Personally, I think it's no one's business that you supervise/sort of bathe her. But that just may be me. With that said, I think she is getting to the point where she should be able to bathe alone. And I think other than checking in on her, I think once she hits the age of five, she should be able to be in the tub alone.
My oldest daughter was in the care of me and a stepfather from the time she was nine months old. He helped with bathing her whenever necessary, from that point until she was close to five. Not every time, but on occasion. As long as the two of them were both comfortable with it, and he wasn't actually in the tub with her, we didn't have a problem with it. As far as I know, her father never knew or cared, as he never mentioned it.
As far as not doing it because someone might accuse him of something, I don't buy that at all. A bio father could also get accused of something, if someone wanted to do so...does that mean HE should never do anything like that for his little girl, to the point of never being alone with her, out of fear? What kind of parenting relationship is that? And if this poster is the only male parenting figure this child has, then he deserves the right to fulfill the role as he and Mom see fit, IMO.
As far as not doing it because someone might accuse him of something, I don't buy that at all. A bio father could also get accused of something, if someone wanted to do so...does that mean HE should never do anything like that for his little girl, to the point of never being alone with her, out of fear? What kind of parenting relationship is that? And if this poster is the only male parenting figure this child has, then he deserves the right to fulfill the role as he and Mom see fit, IMO.