Is it right or wrong to stick by my wife who is in jail? Should she get visits from h...

[1924]

My wife, who is also mother of my fourteen year old is in jail for six months for a financial crime. I am willing to stick by her and not leave her because I feel She made some stupid mistakes but it was out of character so I think she just got herself into a bad situation and make some poor decisions, She also never did anything bad at all before this And I am not defending her or saying she should not serve her punishment. I told my daughter we should be glad her mother is serving time for her actions. Doing the right thing for her mistakes. Also, her mother is showing regret and no defense at what she did . I am thinking of letting my daughter visit her and have her still be involved with her child because she was never an absent or abusive parent or anything. Some might say sticking by her is being enabling and setting a bad example for my daughter though

I was thinking of allowing my daughter to visit her. But I am not sure if I should because I don't think my daughter to be exposed to a prison environment. It is nothing to do with the mother is solely the environment. Also I hear it is a hassle to get in and you don't even get much time to speak. Seeing her mom there might be a bad image

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My daughter seems to be taking it fine ,she said it is kind of cool that her mother is locked up and is now the one being ordered around by others. This is weird because she never had a bad relationship with her mother. I asked what she meant and she said she was just joking. I think that is OK to try to crack a joke to make the situation feel less bad and that a better way of handing the situation instead of being hysterical about it


If I do allow her what should I tell her in advance to prepare her? Is it a good idea for her to ask her mother questions about all this?

 

[MamaRuthie]

in the end its still her mother and to bar her from asking her mother questions at that age probably wont do their relationship much good

does she want to go and visit her?? at 14 I think the choice should be hers

 

[pwsowner]

14 is old enough to make her own choice about that. If she wants to go see her mother, she should. For preparation, just let her know that it might look a bit scary in there and it will be different seeing her mother there. As for questions, let her ask what she wants. Her mother will answer, or not answer.

 

[cybele]

I'm with the others, what is she comfortable with doing?

 

[akmom]

I can't imagine what harm it would do. How long is her sentence?

 

[1924]

I can't imagine what harm it would do. How long is her sentence?

six months.

 

[akmom]

Oops, I should have retained that when I read it the first time. Six months is a long time to go without any visitation. If it was a few days in jail, you could easily let it go. But a lot happens in six months. That's a lot of missed time, missed conversation, missed involvement. If it were me, I'd visit alone first, maybe discuss a visitation routine so it's not so awkward or "scary," then start bringing the daughter.

 

[IADad]

Just think, some people intentionally expose their kids to the jail environment as part of the "Scared straight" kind of programs (we can argue their relative success/failure, but that's not the point.)

Your wife is repentant and not making excuses, so I think that serves a good example of how easy it is for a good person to do bad things, being responsible for your actions and when you do something bad, paying the price, and working to make up for it.

I think the joke was a little scary, but I guess if it was really just an off-hand comment, truly a joke, then ok. I know she's probably just trying to cope with the change. While she appears to be fine, she no doubt has thoughts about the why and how, so sure let her ask questions, and I hope your wife is frank in her answers.

 

[Xero]

I don't see why you wouldn't let your daughter see her mother. Leave it up to her. If she wants to see her, let her see her. If she wants to ask questions, let her. I don't see the harm.

 

[mamabea]

I must say, I think your outlook and support for your wife is a huge positive thing for your daughter. Please continue to let her see how much you support your wife and teach her that sometimes people make bad decisions that have consequences that have to be dealt with.
As for your daughter, I think that akmom had good advice about visiting your wife first so that you two can be on the same page about the answers for your daughter. At 14 she may have some questions that should be addressed.

 

[1924]

I do trust her to learn from the mistake that is why I am willing to stick by her. Some say though that sticking by her and allowing her to see her kids is wrong just because she committed a crime. That it shows " it doesn't matter if you commit a crime your family will be there to help you out".

 

[cybele]

Family are always there though...

 

[singledad]

I do trust her to learn from the mistake that is why I am willing to stick by her. Some say though that sticking by her and allowing her to see her kids is wrong just because she committed a crime. That it shows " it doesn't matter if you commit a crime your family will be there to help you out".

I would think that it also teaches that one shouldn't judge someone for making a bad decision, and that everyone deserves a second chance, as long as they are willing to learn from their mistakes and try to do better in future.

 

[akmom]

I think that sitting in jail for six months is punishment enough. Who said you had to be shunned by your family as well? Does getting a few visits really erase all suffering? Seems like some people are making up their own ideas about what a criminal sentence should be.

 

[babybibsplus]

Let your daughter make that decision. Depending on where she is you may be able to visit for a couple of hours if you schedule the visit ahead of time. Just know that you will possibly be in a big room with other inmates and there families sitting a tables around you, and that can be scary, so warn her of that.