She says it is and so does my sister who basically lets her kids do what they want. I just don't feel comfortable with her having a facebook account at such a young age when there are so many online predators out there. I understand that facebook is a good way of keeping in touch with people but everyone she knows she sees at school , dance class etc. Do you think I'm doing the right thing ?
Is not letting my daughter have a facebook account at 14 unreasonable...
- Thread starter tinalombardi
- Start date
I think at 14 she is old enough to learn about safety and dangers of the internet.
Do you facebook?
Do you facebook?
Well... 14 year olds seem to believe that everything a parent says is unreasonable. 
But in all honesty.. I let mine have one.. younger than her even. When they were younger.. I helped them with it. You can set the privacy and make it were no one not knowing them can talk to them without verification they know them first. They also had the knowledge beforehand that anytime I wanted to see their stuff.. I would. I've had to tell my daughter to remove the duck lips pictures that looked trampy to me.. and my son who cursed on there to remove his potty mouth or he could lose it. And once.. while my oldest was younger.. to remove what I deemed inappropriate use of freedom of speech. And there have been several "friends" that I was unimpressed with... removed.
That being said.. I monitor them. Freedom to have a social network.. but just like going to hang out with friends.. I have a obligation to watch them and who they hang out with. If you tell her no.. just like 2 of my son's friends.. she may make her own account with a fake name and you will not have any control. One boy up the street has a profile that shows he's a 19 year old girl to hide from his Mom. Most school give time on the computer.. most phones has access to it. Let her hide it.. or help her with it. I choose help. But.. again.. its all about you and how you feel.
But in all honesty.. I let mine have one.. younger than her even. When they were younger.. I helped them with it. You can set the privacy and make it were no one not knowing them can talk to them without verification they know them first. They also had the knowledge beforehand that anytime I wanted to see their stuff.. I would. I've had to tell my daughter to remove the duck lips pictures that looked trampy to me.. and my son who cursed on there to remove his potty mouth or he could lose it. And once.. while my oldest was younger.. to remove what I deemed inappropriate use of freedom of speech. And there have been several "friends" that I was unimpressed with... removed.
That being said.. I monitor them. Freedom to have a social network.. but just like going to hang out with friends.. I have a obligation to watch them and who they hang out with. If you tell her no.. just like 2 of my son's friends.. she may make her own account with a fake name and you will not have any control. One boy up the street has a profile that shows he's a 19 year old girl to hide from his Mom. Most school give time on the computer.. most phones has access to it. Let her hide it.. or help her with it. I choose help. But.. again.. its all about you and how you feel.
I totally understand your concern. The internet is a scary place. :/ But thankfully at 14, they are old enough to understand and be taught about internet safety just like they are any other safety issue or stranger issue. If you want my honest opinion, I will just say as a general thought, that I feel 14 is old enough and I would probably allow my child to have one. BUT I will also say that even still, at any age, I would also base my decision off of maturity level, general behavior, and "criminal record" if you will lol. I would also monitor her activity (lightly, like make her be friends with me etc, not hardcore take her password and read through all her messages and everything else, unless I had a very good reason). Good luck, it's up to you, and she will obviously live either way.
I believe that you can have an account at age 14, according to Facebook's terms of service. (If not, that's a good reason to deny her one.)
Personally, I would let her. It's a modern form of communication, just like the telephone when we were growing up. She is going to use it sooner or later. And if you let her set one up under your supervision, it's a great way to keep her accountable for her online behavior, and teach her social networking manners and safety. Like Mom2all said, if you don't allow it, she's likely to do it without your input - either now or when she's older.
What I think you should do first is set up your own account. Then let her set up one using the strictest privacy settings. Make sure she adds you as a "friend" so you can view what she posts and see who her other friends are on there.
Personally, I would let her. It's a modern form of communication, just like the telephone when we were growing up. She is going to use it sooner or later. And if you let her set one up under your supervision, it's a great way to keep her accountable for her online behavior, and teach her social networking manners and safety. Like Mom2all said, if you don't allow it, she's likely to do it without your input - either now or when she's older.
What I think you should do first is set up your own account. Then let her set up one using the strictest privacy settings. Make sure she adds you as a "friend" so you can view what she posts and see who her other friends are on there.
Last edited:
My boy 13 has an account. Like most posters I agree its a matter of maturity. So 110% your decision. I kind of disagree with the easy monitoring. This is my personal soap box.
I like the idea a lot of people suggest having the computer in a common room. I think especially at that age they understand completely electronic communication is not in any way private. Anything they feel they can say on the internet they should feel comfortable saying to mom/dad/grandparents.
When I look through Coles history I do not feel like I am violating any trust or snooping. I told him I would do it with his very first computer and it comes with some reasoning. Colleges, employers, and the state all look at that stuff now. A misstep could result in embarrassment, lost opportunities, and even have legal consequences.
I look at it less like snooping and more like chances to teach: to guide: or to intervene before something gets out of hand.
I know it sounds like I am taking a hard line. But I really dont think that is Coles perception of it. I believe he understands its done in his best interest.
I like the idea a lot of people suggest having the computer in a common room. I think especially at that age they understand completely electronic communication is not in any way private. Anything they feel they can say on the internet they should feel comfortable saying to mom/dad/grandparents.
When I look through Coles history I do not feel like I am violating any trust or snooping. I told him I would do it with his very first computer and it comes with some reasoning. Colleges, employers, and the state all look at that stuff now. A misstep could result in embarrassment, lost opportunities, and even have legal consequences.
I look at it less like snooping and more like chances to teach: to guide: or to intervene before something gets out of hand.
I know it sounds like I am taking a hard line. But I really dont think that is Coles perception of it. I believe he understands its done in his best interest.
Yeah, you are being a little unreasonable. At 14 she should be able to handle internet etiquette and safety.
Teach her now, have access to her account and let her be a teen.
Teach her now, have access to her account and let her be a teen.
I have three 14 year old's and they each have a facebook but I have the passwords and they have to have me and my husband as friends and outside of family each are only allowed 25 friends. We have the privacy set that if you don't know them then they can't request to be added or talk to them. In this day and age its the norman and I agree with other posters if you say no then they do it anyway.We had that problem with Myspace and our then 11 year old making a fake account at a friends house. We caught it in time but had to make rules and so far so good we are now 14 and have a great relationship with the internet. They know that I check their page every night and they can't erase the history. If she is taught safety you both win. Give her a chance but set firm ground rules and stick to them if she breaks them then go with the punishment that you decided on when you set the rules and that goes hand in hand. I wish you the best of luck!
I also suggest she uses a fake name, friends will know, others don't need to. Since employers or whoverer else wants to check -- at least it is not that easily traceable via google.
I think the nature of social networking makes fake names less secret than other forms of online anonymity. People can see your "fake name" on your friends' pages, and based on who you are friends with and what you post, it's not too hard to figure out. I've "realized" the identity of several people I knew who were not using their real names, simply by their comments on posts belonging to "friends of friends." That's commonly how parents find their kids' accounts too!
I think from the point of potential employment it is beneficial to use something that is not your full name particularly if you have a name, first, surname, or both that is uncommon, because they aren't going to be able to piece together who you are by what you post.
If a potential employer is looking for Jessica Henderson, they probably aren't going to suspect that "Jessie Marie" is her, because they aren't going to be searching for that.
Friend and people who know Jessica, yes, they probably will be able to suspect who she is, but that is also why we have privacy settings.
If a potential employer is looking for Jessica Henderson, they probably aren't going to suspect that "Jessie Marie" is her, because they aren't going to be searching for that.
Friend and people who know Jessica, yes, they probably will be able to suspect who she is, but that is also why we have privacy settings.
To the original topic at hand though, a friend of mine posted something interesting on facebook recently that made me think of this thread, but I was on my phone when I read it and I haven't figured out how to copy and paste things on my phone yet, then I forgot all about it, so I will do it now.
I want to throw it out there, we treat our teens like children but then expect them to hit this magic number of 18 and suddenly know how to be an adult. The point of being a teenager is to learn how to be an adult. I'm going to have to try to remember this with my own kids whenever I am scared of them doing something.
Just food for thought.
I want to throw it out there, we treat our teens like children but then expect them to hit this magic number of 18 and suddenly know how to be an adult. The point of being a teenager is to learn how to be an adult. I'm going to have to try to remember this with my own kids whenever I am scared of them doing something.
Just food for thought.
Very true. I've never understood the parenting style where teens are rigorously sheltered. You're not eliminating the challenges of adolescence by doing that; you're simply putting it off. They'll make their mistakes at an age when it's less socially acceptable, and when you don't have the authority to intervene. What does that accomplish?
I don't see the point in using a fake name if the profile and all albums and statuses are set to private. All anyone who knows your name would find out about you is that you have a Facebook haha but nothing more. And actually, there is even a setting you can enable so that people can't even search for you to find your profile. So yeah. Unless you add them as a friend, in which case hopefully you don't mind them seeing your stuff. Even then you can make your statuses and pictures and really anything visible to all friends except one person (or multiple people) of your choice.
If there is enough supervision from you as a parents, then you can allow her. Just give her the rules and make her understand what's appropriate and not when having social media accounts.
That is possible to figure out if you try hard, but it would not make your id appear randomly.akmom said:
This is true and not. How many of your kids friends do yo have on your Facebook? Not many I suspect. Then.. add in that you can block people from seeing your stuff.. like specific people. Your kids can go to your page and block you from finding them. So.. if they want to hide from you they can. It would be near impossible to see their friends stuff if your not their friend... or search for a fake name.. just to find yourself blocked from seeing it anyway.akmom said:
That's why I have monitoring systems on my computer. I can see every place they go. I can block them from sites I don't like. With 4 boys.. you can imagine how many things I've blocked. I don't dig through their things like a spy. Its an open topic that I look to make sure they aren't going places I don't want them too. Most important to me is talking about it. My son is in my news feed. I don't go to his page on a daily basis.. but when he posted something with the F-bomb in it.. we talked, it was removed. They need to be taught that nothing is truly safe on the net.