Is she confused or am I?...

[ljmahr]

To start, my sister-in-law is gay. She has a g/f and she is around the family all the time. We all like the g/f and have no problems with their relationship.

The confusing part:
My 8 yr. old daughter and my mother was talking a few weeks ago. My mother asked my DD how many children she wanted when she got married. My DD reply was "But grandma some girl's do not get married they have girlfriends." My first reaction was laughing because it was just a logical answer for what she is around. But my mother thinks she is confused. She said I need to sit down and talk to her and tell her that this is not "normal". First off I am not comfortable with using the word "normal". Also I am not sure I need to say anything. Her statement was true. Some girl's have g/f.

So now a couple weeks later I am still debating whether to have a conversation with her and if so what would I say? What would you do if you child came up with this? Just let it be?

 

[paruchan]

whoa, I guess there are simply questions and answers that is hard to explain to a child... just like teaching them how a baby came to be... I'll be asking for advise also if I'm in your position... but one thing I've learned as a daughter and now as a mother--you can always discuss and talk about anything, even complicated or delicate matters, if you sit down, be comfortable, and be true while talking... I'm sorry I also don't know what exactly one should say in your case but it's pretty much telling your daughter that yes there are different cases in every situation but this is the ideal way or this is how it should be done...

 

[Skyburning]

T My mother asked my DD how many children she wanted when she got married.

This to me, while completely harmless, is not something I want my little boy asked. It perpetuates the ideal that when you grow up those are the "normal" steps. I think your DD gave a pretty good answer and I wouldn't talk with her about it unless she does seem confused, but to me it sounds like she has a pretty decent understanding that not everyone is the same.

 

[Teresa]

It sounds to me like your daughter has a good handle on the situation. Unless she starts asking questions, or saying things that don't appear to be factual, I'd just leave it alone.

 

[musicmom]

That's a tough one because she could call her best friend her girlfriend. She's not young enough to have sexual feelings so how would she know what she likes? You might open a huge can of worms.
Love is love.
I've told mine that some people are gay like Uncle Trey and explained the difference between friendship and REALLY liking them.
They've also seen me with my best friend and though we were not gay we were very close and they saw my heart tore out when she died. So my children know you can love anyone and it's their choice.
I'd just leave her alone unless you think her parents are trying to brainwash her into being gay and in that case she'll eventually learn she rather does or does not like it.
Sounds like she has a wonderful heart already.

 

[Kaytee]

I agree with the rest, I htink your dd's answer was ine. Yo umight want to talk to her n a casual way, like driving somehwere and just mention that when people grow up they do all sorts of different things. Some get married and have kids, some get married but no kids, some never get married. and all that. But I owuldn't be concerned either

 

[Trina]

It sounds to me like your daughter has a good handle on the situation. Unless she starts asking questions, or saying things that don't appear to be factual, I'd just leave it alone.

Ditto Teresa.

 

[budnkota]

I think she gave a wonderful answer!
It doesn't seem to have anything to do with confusion, from what I see. Or even any indication that she may lean that way herself. (because if she has homosexual tendencies, that would have nothing to do with confusion - it would just be part of who she is) She just stated a simple, accurate, non-judgmental fact. Smart kid!

To talk about what is "normal" could across as saying that anything else is wrong... Your little girl's obviously observant - she sees that what her aunt has isn't as common as heterosexual ("normal") relationships... nobody has to tell her that.
I don't think I would say anything. And I think I'd stress to g'ma not to do so either, because no matter how you approach it, there's a chance she could perceive it as you beleiving that there's something WRONG with an alternate lifestyle - which could then cause her to look at her aunt in a less positive manner.
and not to mention that there's always the slight possibility that she (or any other child in the world) could develop that orientation herself, and it would be horrible for her to think that you felt that was somehow less than anything else...

 

[ljmahr]

This was exactly what I was thinking. I do not want her to feel as if what her aunt does (who she absolutely adores) is bad. I want her to keep her open mindedness. Thanks everyone for your replies. I think I will just let it be and hope that if she does have questions she will come to me.

 

[jtee]

It sounds to me like your daughter has a good handle on the situation. Unless she starts asking questions, or saying things that don't appear to be factual, I'd just leave it alone.

This is my thinking as well. It is basically impossible for an 8 year old to understand the full nature and complexities of adult relationships, so unless there is a problem that needs to be solved, don't fix what's not broken.

 

[jtee]

A few years ago HBO had documentary on kids in middle school. It was really well done. In that documentary, they had 6th grade girl say "<I>Mom I think I going to be gay</I>" It was a funny moment because it was so truly innocent, the girl (11) really didn't know what she felt about boys or girls, and mostly just wanted to fit in somewhere. Her mother handled it very well and said something like "<I>Why don't you just see how you feel as get as you get older, things will sort themselves out.</I>". They way I saw it, the mother understood where her daughter was really coming from, and knew what to say.

I can relate because our daughter is in the 6th grade and maturity of the girls ranges significantly. Some are just becoming curious about sex, while others seem to be 1-2 years ahead of them.