My situation is a little bit different than many of you, I am guessing.
My step-daughter will be 3 years old this month. Her dad has had her in his care since she was 5 months old; I moved in when she was 16 months old. She has no contact with her bio-mother (this is by the mother's choice).
My husband learned his parenting methods from his mother, who did not have any parenting methods. They use excuses (oh, she is only been in the world for 1 year... 2 years.. ect). No one was there to stimulate her, teach her anything, and raise her properly. The only interaction she had was with adults, she slept in her dad's bed until I moved in (because she'd wake up at night and grandma would put her in dad's bed), she was allowed to eat whatever she wanted wherever she wanted and off of everyone's plates.... She ate things like chocolate drizzle crispy minis for snacks, as well as marshmellows and chocolate chips. Everytime she woke during the night, her grandma would give her a full 8-oz bottle of milk; some nights she'd have 3 of them and her diapers would be sopping wet in the morning.
I became step-daughter's primary caregiver when she was 20 months old. At 2 years old, I took her to the dentist and they found 4 cavities. I took all her bottles away from her (at this point, she had one during nap and one at bedtime). I started taking her to playgroups and introducing her to children. Set her up with a proper bedtime in her own crib. Started feeding her nutritious snacks (cheese, crackers, milk, fruit, ect). Stopped feeding her juice (grandma would give her a few cups a day) and gave her water instead.
I thought that all this was a good thing, but it has just turned life in to a big battle. The child is healthy... But my relatioship is not.
My husband wants to continue to baby his daughter. She is capable of doing so much, but she acts like a baby when her dad is home (evenings and weekends). She is assessed at being about 26 months old when she is really 35 months old, and her language skills are behind about 9-12 months.
His philosophy and in his own words is, "if she doesn't want to do it, then she doesn't have to"...... in regards to cleaning up toys, eating her dinner, going to the potty...... ect
I potty trained her in 2 days. And this was a child who did not show any signs of being ready to train. She has been trained now for nearly a month and goes pee/poop all by herself, of coarse with a little bit of help wiping her bum. But she knows how to put her potty seat on the top of the toilet and her stool over to the toilet so that she can get up, and then I help her wash her hands afterwards.
But when her dad is home, he has to help her do EVERYTHING.
I'm getting really frustrated because we are expecting a baby in April. I've been trying to build some independence in my step-daughter since last January, and especially moreso since we conceived the baby. But still, when DH is home, step-daughter does not play on her own, does not do anything but want to cuddle and pester everyone. You can't ask her to go and play with her toys, because every 20 seconds afterwards she is over to you repeating the same two words and this will continue for as long as it takes for her to get what she wants.
My step-daughter will be 3 years old this month. Her dad has had her in his care since she was 5 months old; I moved in when she was 16 months old. She has no contact with her bio-mother (this is by the mother's choice).
My husband learned his parenting methods from his mother, who did not have any parenting methods. They use excuses (oh, she is only been in the world for 1 year... 2 years.. ect). No one was there to stimulate her, teach her anything, and raise her properly. The only interaction she had was with adults, she slept in her dad's bed until I moved in (because she'd wake up at night and grandma would put her in dad's bed), she was allowed to eat whatever she wanted wherever she wanted and off of everyone's plates.... She ate things like chocolate drizzle crispy minis for snacks, as well as marshmellows and chocolate chips. Everytime she woke during the night, her grandma would give her a full 8-oz bottle of milk; some nights she'd have 3 of them and her diapers would be sopping wet in the morning.
I became step-daughter's primary caregiver when she was 20 months old. At 2 years old, I took her to the dentist and they found 4 cavities. I took all her bottles away from her (at this point, she had one during nap and one at bedtime). I started taking her to playgroups and introducing her to children. Set her up with a proper bedtime in her own crib. Started feeding her nutritious snacks (cheese, crackers, milk, fruit, ect). Stopped feeding her juice (grandma would give her a few cups a day) and gave her water instead.
I thought that all this was a good thing, but it has just turned life in to a big battle. The child is healthy... But my relatioship is not.
My husband wants to continue to baby his daughter. She is capable of doing so much, but she acts like a baby when her dad is home (evenings and weekends). She is assessed at being about 26 months old when she is really 35 months old, and her language skills are behind about 9-12 months.
His philosophy and in his own words is, "if she doesn't want to do it, then she doesn't have to"...... in regards to cleaning up toys, eating her dinner, going to the potty...... ect
I potty trained her in 2 days. And this was a child who did not show any signs of being ready to train. She has been trained now for nearly a month and goes pee/poop all by herself, of coarse with a little bit of help wiping her bum. But she knows how to put her potty seat on the top of the toilet and her stool over to the toilet so that she can get up, and then I help her wash her hands afterwards.
But when her dad is home, he has to help her do EVERYTHING.
I'm getting really frustrated because we are expecting a baby in April. I've been trying to build some independence in my step-daughter since last January, and especially moreso since we conceived the baby. But still, when DH is home, step-daughter does not play on her own, does not do anything but want to cuddle and pester everyone. You can't ask her to go and play with her toys, because every 20 seconds afterwards she is over to you repeating the same two words and this will continue for as long as it takes for her to get what she wants.
