James troublemaking all of a sudden...

[superman]

james is in sr. kindergarten. last yeah he was fine had a lotta friends. ( i birng him to school everyday) i always saw him run to line up. so his mom decides to tell me today instead of thurs when it happened....anyways she said the teacher talked to her bout james being agressive with other kids. him and 2 other boys go around bugging/being mean to kids. i dont got the full details cus we are gonna talk about it more in person. teacher said it been happened a lot in the last month. he also really loud in class and it disrupts other kids.

idk where this is coming from. he has always been a bit spun but never shown out of norm agresiveness. what does this mean lol

 

[NancyM]

I'm not really sure Superman, we may need more detail to figure whats up with James. Try not to panic,though kids do things like this sometimes, I know it feels bad when you find out something like this, but you and Jame's mother will have to stick together on what to do about it.

Have you spoke to James about what the teacher said? I would let him explain himself, than look him straight in the eye and let him know that under NO circumstance is he allowed to bully people. Let him know that you do not approve of that behavior,and it's out right wrong.

This is 'setting rules and limits' and he has to know that you, his father, is serious and is not approving of something he did.

I'd watch his reaction to what you say, if he looks sorry that's a good sign. But make sure you stick to your words, and keep reinforcing it often when you take him to school.

Good luck let us know what happens.

 

[Xero]

I agree with what Nancy said, and I'd also like to add that you should ask him how he would feel if someone did that to him. Wouldn't it hurt his feelings? He wouldn't like it, would he? He wouldn't want anybody to do mean things to him? So why is it ok to do mean things to other people? Wouldn't they feel the same? I always try to make a big deal of empathy with my son, I know he might not get it now but I figure the more I suggest it the more likely it will be to click some day.

 

[lanceallen]

well look at the bright side he makes friends easy and is a team player maybe even a potential leader.

he just needs to grow out of picking on kids and hell be good.

 

[superman]

yeah i guess i kinda got to worried there llol. it was just so out of nowhere unless im really out of the loop. ok so i talked to his mom. his teacher was "thinking" this could be the begining of an attention disorder (apparnetly been happening for the last two months on & off) honestly not gonna go down that road...i mean hes only 6 isnt this like a typical experience??

i had him over for supper tonight and we did talk about it. i did the reversed role thing with him and he agreed he woudlnt want ppl treatin him like that he said he wont anymore......i guess im gonna have to keep an eye on this situation. i definitely do not want him continuing this

 

[superman]

well look at the bright side he makes friends easy and is a team player maybe even a potential leader.

he just needs to grow out of picking on kids and hell be good.

thats true

 

[Xero]

Sounds good superman. I'm sure he's a good kid, just got a little carried away. It happens all the time. I wouldn't look into attention disorders just yet, honestly that's the first thing most teachers jump on IMO because a child doped up on ADHD pills is easier for them to ignore. You never know though, so do keep it in the back of your mind and watch for the signs, but I just wouldn't jump to conclusions.

 

[sbattisti]

I would just add . . . don't ignore the possibility of ADHD being a factor.

My son had similar issues, and we ignored the possibility of ADHD for YEARS, thinking it was overdiagnosed and we didn't want our child zombified. Well, after tearing our hair out for years, we finally took him to a specialist, who said, "Basically, your child is the poster child for ADHD meds."

We put him on medication, and it was like night and day. We got all of the good parts of our son, and the inability to pay attention / sit still / listen just disappeared. No zombification either. Wish we'd admitted he could benefit from help sooner. And while it was good for us, most importantly it was a HUGE benefit to our son, because he was no longer getting in trouble constantly and having to feel like he was "bad" when he simply couldn't control his impulses.

I'm not saying rush him to the doctor now. I'm just saying . . . keep an eye on things, and don't be afraid or ashamed to consider it. I know Xero's last comment about kids on meds being easier to ignore was followed by a smiley, but don't buy into the hype that says that ADHD is just an excuse to dope up your child. For us, they were life-changing. There are generic versions of many of the meds now, which makes them pretty inexpensive (here in the US - not sure how it works up north).

My son is now 15, and just recently phased off medication and is doing great.

Good luck.

 

[Xero]

Oh sbattisti, I completely agree with you actually. I have a brother who sounds similar to your son (although he has a lot of other problems on top of ADHD) and he just wouldn't have the same quality of life if he wasn't on meds for ADHD. I do NOT agree with the people who say ADHD is just a myth and a way to drug up their kids, although that unfortunately DOES happen, and pretty often. I have actually expressed this feeling in other threads on the same subject. Parents get out of control with frustration trying to discipline their kids, thinking they are just "bad" or acting up, when really they have an actual disorder causing them to act that way. I do not think that's okay.

I do however feel kind of strongly at the same time about how quick people (especially teachers) are to jump on the possibility of ADHD without trying other ways of coping with the behavior first. I just think meds should be a last resort, after spending a good amount of time and effort to make sure they are necessary. It sounds like you did just that with your son, just like my mom did with my brother. Nothing else worked, and he is a happier and more functional person on his meds. Why would anyone not wish that for a kid with a disorder like that? I just really don't like the way teachers say "ADHD" as soon as a kid starts to act up in their class, or has a bad spell for a couple of months or something.

It definitely doesn't hurt to get it checked out, and like I said in my last post, always keep the possibility in the back of your mind and watch for the signs. It is in his absolute best interest to be aware of something like that, and if it does happen to be a problem for him, that you get it taken care of including medication.

I think the main reason I am pretty quick to brush it off is because superman says that the behavior surprises him, and doesn't seem like the norm for his son. If this kind of thing is sudden and out of the ordinary, and hasn't been happening for long, ADHD should really not be the first thing to come to mind. The symptoms should have been pretty noticeable and consistant over the years, and the behavior shouldn't be that surprising. That doesn't mean he doesn't have it, or that you could even really tell whether or not he does, but it wouldn't be my first thought. That's all.

 

[stjohnjulie]

sbattisti and Xero, thanks for posting about ADHD and drugs. I think a lot of us parents immediately freak out when we hear ADHD and drugs. I too think that it is WAY over diagnosed. But I also think that there is a reason for that. Once a child has a formal diagnoses it sets in motion a whole bunch of things. The teachers are kind of 'let off the hook' for any kind of behavior problems...NOT saying all of them do this...but I do know some teachers who would rather put blame on the child than admit they have no classroom management skills. The child also will get an IEP. This can be a really good thing. I know a few kids that had learning problems and the parents actually would accept any diagnoses given so their child could get the extra help in school that they needed. I can understand why a parent would do this...the way the 'system' is set up, sometimes you will do whatever you can just to get the help you need.

sbattisti, I appreciate you explaining your position, it is a good reminder that we should not let our fear stand in the way of what might be the best for our kids.

superman, since this seems to be a recent development, and there are two other kids involved, it might have something to do with him 'fitting in'. Sometimes it's just so nice to feel a part of a group that you kind of don't really think or care about, what kind of a group it is. Sounds like role playing helped James realize that what he was doing was hurting other people. It's good that he knows that this is NOT acceptable, but even better if he can understand why it is not acceptable. Maybe he could influence his two buddies and help turn them around. Peer pressure! So young! Just let James know that he needs to think for himself. If he knows it's not right, then he shouldn't be doing it, no matter what his friends say. This is an important lesson to teach him now because he is going to need it more and more as he gets older.

I'd also keep in close contact with his teacher. Try to get updates several times a week. Let her know that you want to be informed EVERY TIME there is a problem. And you want to know about it the same day. You need to act quickly to help curb the behavior before it becomes a lasting problem.

Good luck! Let us know how he's doing.

 

[superman]

I would just add . . . don't ignore the possibility of ADHD being a factor.

My son had similar issues, and we ignored the possibility of ADHD for YEARS, thinking it was overdiagnosed and we didn't want our child zombified. Well, after tearing our hair out for years, we finally took him to a specialist, who said, "Basically, your child is the poster child for ADHD meds."

We put him on medication, and it was like night and day. We got all of the good parts of our son, and the inability to pay attention / sit still / listen just disappeared. No zombification either. Wish we'd admitted he could benefit from help sooner. And while it was good for us, most importantly it was a HUGE benefit to our son, because he was no longer getting in trouble constantly and having to feel like he was "bad" when he simply couldn't control his impulses.

I'm not saying rush him to the doctor now. I'm just saying . . . keep an eye on things, and don't be afraid or ashamed to consider it. I know Xero's last comment about kids on meds being easier to ignore was followed by a smiley, but don't buy into the hype that says that ADHD is just an excuse to dope up your child. For us, they were life-changing. There are generic versions of many of the meds now, which makes them pretty inexpensive (here in the US - not sure how it works up north).

My son is now 15, and just recently phased off medication and is doing great.

Good luck.

true, i wont write off the possibility.i read up n it a little and some things seem to fit but not all...so im not sure. the last 2 days have been good his teacher said as far as the bullying situatuon goes. hes just a loud kid hes always been outgoing & wanting to be with other kids. i explained to her some ways of calming him down when hes still in play mode so hopefully that do the trick

 

[superman]

.

superman, since this seems to be a recent development, and there are two other kids involved, it might have something to do with him 'fitting in'. Sometimes it's just so nice to feel a part of a group that you kind of don't really think or care about, what kind of a group it is. Sounds like role playing helped James realize that what he was doing was hurting other people. It's good that he knows that this is NOT acceptable, but even better if he can understand why it is not acceptable. Maybe he could influence his two buddies and help turn them around. Peer pressure! So young! Just let James know that he needs to think for himself. If he knows it's not right, then he shouldn't be doing it, no matter what his friends say. This is an important lesson to teach him now because he is going to need it more and more as he gets older.

I'd also keep in close contact with his teacher. Try to get updates several times a week. Let her know that you want to be informed EVERY TIME there is a problem. And you want to know about it the same day. You need to act quickly to help curb the behavior before it becomes a lasting problem.

Good luck! Let us know how he's doing.

i told her to keep me updated. lol i didnt even know kids then had that type of priority...fitting in at that young age. man

 

[dgthomp]

I know where you're coming from "Superman", my daughter's been having a big behavior problem at school and I also have no idea where it's coming from.

 

[Kimberymother]

If you want him to get better, then maybe you should discipline him more so his behavior improves.

 

[Aussie Barb]

Great to hear some personal experience with ADHD meds, thank you. We work with many children with learning probs as a result of ADHD as well as other challenges and I explain to parents that if a child had diabetes eg, you'd medicate them in a flash. ADHD is a medical condition and while no one wants thier child on medication unnecessarily, if it makes a difference we really owe it to them to at least give the medication a try. It's still not always a quick fix, but really can change a child's and their parents' lives, dramatically.

 

[superman]

If you want him to get better, then maybe you should discipline him more so his behavior improves.

lol but like what do disipline him with..?

 

[mrrobinson]

james is in sr. kindergarten. last yeah he was fine had a lotta friends. ( i birng him to school everyday) i always saw him run to line up. so his mom decides to tell me today instead of thurs when it happened....anyways she said the teacher talked to her bout james being agressive with other kids. him and 2 other boys go around bugging/being mean to kids. i dont got the full details cus we are gonna talk about it more in person. teacher said it been happened a lot in the last month. he also really loud in class and it disrupts other kids.

idk where this is coming from. he has always been a bit spun but never shown out of norm agresiveness. what does this mean lol

I think the important think is to teach him the open handed swat verses a closed fist punch, it leaves less of a mark and doesnt keep the lunch money from being taken.