My ex-boss has had four wives. He's been an engineering manager on every continent. He's done everything under the sun. He's an old pipe-smoking, fast-talking, swearing grandfather dirty old Scot with a huge moustache and scar on his throat from cancer surgery. He played in a band in Japan. He was almost a Presbyterian minister. His first engineering job was to install a STEEL MILL in South Africa. Before he came to work at my little company (engineering department of about 4) he had 300 people reporting to him and budget of $200 million.
He asked me what I thought the most important thing in life was, I figured he meant, like, success or hard work, or rigour or discipline. He said "Family. Everything else comes second." This advice was coming from a guy who'd DEFINITELY been there and done that, who'd had ALL the career success a person could hope for... and the three train-wrecks to show for it and a new wife he wasn't letting go for any reason.
In the end he followed his current wife to London when SHE got the raise of a life-time. It took him 30 years to get the picture.
Ok that's it. That's my point. This might be my longest forum post EVER on any forum. (ok, maybe not, who am I kidding?)
You're totally not crazy to think that the money's not worth it - obviously, as long as you're making ends meet. Move to a cheaper suburb (I did), make him get a real job, a 9-5 job like everyone else, refocus your world around your family. Get a cheaper car. Pay off any debts you have. Buy more generic food (I haven't bought normal milk in 2 years, I have only UHT because it's half the price, and honestly doesn't taste that much different. It's like the difference between Coke and Pepsi. Same same.)
Do whatever it takes.
I'm completely on your side. Move heaven and earth to see it happen - but it's just not worth working your life away for your kids. They won't thank him, they'll have wished that he could have gone to the park with them instead.
----
So, kind of as a side note, but not really... the last few months we've been having the best sex of our whole marriage. I can't work out if this is a good thing or not, but last night Beth told me that she doesn't want to have sex at the moment, because the last time we did it was so good it completely satisfied her. I don't know if that's a good thing or not...
But compare this to how we saw in 2007 - with her going to the emergency room after attempting to overdose on her depression medication and an entire bottle of champagne. Her eyes were like saucers. I hated her for trying to leave me that way.
She's been exercising - I'VE been exercising, last year I went from almost zero real activity to training for and successfully completing a 210km bike ride around the city - she's off the drugs 100%, she's losing weight, she's not working those screwed up hours at that screwed up place, her binge-eating compulsion seems to have just dropped away, we're happier, the kids are happier. Everything is happier except our bank balance... which, frankly, I could care less about.
He asked me what I thought the most important thing in life was, I figured he meant, like, success or hard work, or rigour or discipline. He said "Family. Everything else comes second." This advice was coming from a guy who'd DEFINITELY been there and done that, who'd had ALL the career success a person could hope for... and the three train-wrecks to show for it and a new wife he wasn't letting go for any reason.
In the end he followed his current wife to London when SHE got the raise of a life-time. It took him 30 years to get the picture.
Ok that's it. That's my point. This might be my longest forum post EVER on any forum. (ok, maybe not, who am I kidding?)
You're totally not crazy to think that the money's not worth it - obviously, as long as you're making ends meet. Move to a cheaper suburb (I did), make him get a real job, a 9-5 job like everyone else, refocus your world around your family. Get a cheaper car. Pay off any debts you have. Buy more generic food (I haven't bought normal milk in 2 years, I have only UHT because it's half the price, and honestly doesn't taste that much different. It's like the difference between Coke and Pepsi. Same same.)
Do whatever it takes.
I'm completely on your side. Move heaven and earth to see it happen - but it's just not worth working your life away for your kids. They won't thank him, they'll have wished that he could have gone to the park with them instead.
----
So, kind of as a side note, but not really... the last few months we've been having the best sex of our whole marriage. I can't work out if this is a good thing or not, but last night Beth told me that she doesn't want to have sex at the moment, because the last time we did it was so good it completely satisfied her. I don't know if that's a good thing or not...
But compare this to how we saw in 2007 - with her going to the emergency room after attempting to overdose on her depression medication and an entire bottle of champagne. Her eyes were like saucers. I hated her for trying to leave me that way.
She's been exercising - I'VE been exercising, last year I went from almost zero real activity to training for and successfully completing a 210km bike ride around the city - she's off the drugs 100%, she's losing weight, she's not working those screwed up hours at that screwed up place, her binge-eating compulsion seems to have just dropped away, we're happier, the kids are happier. Everything is happier except our bank balance... which, frankly, I could care less about.
