Lets just "Cry this out"...

[bssage]

I have seen some references lately about "Crying it out" And thought it may be a good educational debate. I have some of my own opinions.

As most of you already know my daughter is 9 years old and Autistic. She her meltdowns while not frequent, they are common. About half of the involve inconsolable crying.

My wife allows her to sometimes CIO. While I dont agree with this method completely I do understand why she does it. My strategy is to come into the room with her. Put in ear plugs and avoid any interaction. Kinda like letting her cry it out with me in the room. While we have not performed any scientific study. I think DW and I can pretty confidently state that some type of avoidence intervention will cut the time and severity of occurance by less than half or greater.

I am unaware of any other strategy (especially when considering any touch or talk exaggerates the situation) other than medication to help lesson the scope of these occurrences.

Now this is not a thread about spanking I am only using it as an example. But I think many of the studies for both types of deterrents likely involve repeated quantitative amounts of spanking or CIO occurrences.

I guess I am saying is I am not sure that if CIO used for bedtime fits. Or as in spanking where like I say I was only spanked a couple of times in my childhood. That life long mental issue's will result. Not saying its a great idea. Only that it may not be a terrible idea.

I think we tend to have a kneejerk reaction to certain words used in connection with child raising. When the truth is than many many people have grown up after having to cry it out or be spanked and other unorthodox methods that have no issues at all.

I don't disagree that many people have been harmed over the years by parents misusing, or ignorant of the potential effects, or simply to lazy. To work with more issue appropriate methods. But I dont believe that every occurance is a criminal act. And that it cannot be considered as sometimes both effective and appropriate.

 

[Jeremy+3]

Where those with special needs are concerned like your daughter, we tend to allow stimuli to remain, obviously they don't like it, however it is done to let the child know that while it is a bit more difficult for them to cope with the world, they can't make it go away. So, if they do have a crying fit when I'm with them, I will not change my behaviour and the crying is ignored, does that make sense? We however never leave them alone, as children with special needs often don't have the same idea about risks and are far more likely to hurt themselves and are far less likely to tell someone/be able to tell someone about an injury that is not outwardly visible.

We let out children past the age of about five cry it out, obviously it depends on why they are crying, normally the reason we leave them to it is because they are annoyed they can't get their own way all the time. I remember once Amelia was literally crying for hours in her room because we wouldn't buy her a furbi.

 

[mom2many]

In some of the stricter AP worlds what you guys allow Chloe to do is considered CIO, however, that is the stricter more nazi one's. AP also believe's that you should follow the lead of your child. Clearly by taking less time in the meltdown if you step back and let her handle it, her needs are being met. Sounds like her meltdowns come from frustration that she hasn't learned how to express.

In that case letting her resolve it on her own is the best course of action for <I>her</I>. That is following her lead, while I do not believe in CIO, there are times a baby will cry. Stricter AP'ers believe no crying what so ever and if they are going to cry then in your arms is the best place. I believe that a babies needs should always be met at night and that a baby should never be left to cry themselves to sleep to meet the needs of the parents. Babies learn to sleep when they are physically ready to do so. A toddler or older child throwing a temper tantrum is not the same thing. IMO

Not all children know what to do with their emotions, some may show it in aggression, others have complete and total melt downs, while others will with draw into themselves. Sometimes, parents need to let the child work it out on their own, it's really best at that point to let them figure it out. Besides who doesn't need a good cry every once and while?

 

[bssage]

Another thing that i believe should be considered (I know you can relate M2M) Is that during these episodes I can quite litterely feel my stress and blood pressure rising. My face will becomes flush, I get warmer, and can feel my heartbeat.

The point is not how difficult Autism is. Rather how the stress for any parent during a extended crying battle effects us. As my ear plugs expand and begin to muffle the sound. I can feel the stress reduce.

Point is that in some cases it may be wise to separate yourself for both the sake of the child and parent.

A colicky baby comes to mind.