I have a dilemma. I have a nephew who is ten, and he has been studying his upcoming developmental changes at school, so naturally, he has a lot of questions. My Sister in law would like me to be the one to give him answers, because after all, I was a young boy once, and she was not. His Dad has never been in his life, so I try to be the male role model he needs. The problem is, first, how do I approach the subject in the least uncomfortable way, and second, How in depth do you get on the subject with a ten year old? My two boys are too young for this particular topic, so I do not have any experience to draw on besides the very uncomfortable and poorly executed talk my father gave me when I was eight.
Looking for some good friends and advice, and maybe to help a few other parents....
- Thread starter Dadoftwoboys
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Definitely good advice. Should I wait for him to bring the topics up, or should I do the old fashioned sit down talk? I don't really know here. Chances are I am probably more uncomfortable than him about this.cybele said:I would just answer any questions he had honestly.
Truth be told, there is just so many things he might ask, and I just don't want to be standing there like a muttering idiot.
If you wait for him, chances are you'll be 75 and it still won't have happened lol. I'd probably start out with something along the lines of "I hear that you've discussed this at school, but is there anything that you'd like to ask me about it?" He'll most likely say no, and then you can tell your SIL that you tried lol. (But just make sure to tell him that if there is ever anything that he needs to talk about that you're always there). On the off chance that he says yes, as Cybele said, just answer him honestly.Dadoftwoboys said:Should I wait for him to bring the topics up, or should I do the old fashioned sit down talk? I don't really know here. Chances are I am probably more uncomfortable than him about this.
We've all been there, I think I'm made to look like a muttering idiot by one of my kids at least once a fortnight.Dadoftwoboys said:Truth be told, there is just so many things he might ask, and I just don't want to be standing there like a muttering idiot.
Ah yes the famous 'changes talk' with our teenage boys this was quite easy but then again we have always been a very open family. I think the important thing to make it easier is to let him know you're not there to judge him. You're probably going to have it easier to one extent because you're not the dad so theres not the whole wanting to impress dad side of stuff. But at the same time you won't have the father-son relationship that is there between father/son.
Agree with much that has been said. I do think Mom is dodging her responsibly a bit. You should be the second go to person; Mom should be the first.
In my not so humble opinion sex education begins with diapering and body part naming. Eyes, nose, belly button, penis or vagina.
With my year old Grand who now grabs and giggles when being changed, I usually say something like "Feels good."
With my own kids a bit later it became "I know that feels good, but not in front of other people."
When around the age of five one asked what was a condom by one son and the other what was a blow job I saw those as teachable moments. As suggested above, such teachable moment discussions need to be related to age and stage.
As body changes begin, single parents should note the changes, get some good age appropriate literature AND find some one of the opposite sex to be offered as a resource person. "Your uncle know more about being a boy than I do, so I have asked him to be someone your can also talk to about growing up sexually and you should still come to me for a woman's point of view."
All of the above as I noted, just my not so humble opinion.
In my not so humble opinion sex education begins with diapering and body part naming. Eyes, nose, belly button, penis or vagina.
With my year old Grand who now grabs and giggles when being changed, I usually say something like "Feels good."
With my own kids a bit later it became "I know that feels good, but not in front of other people."
When around the age of five one asked what was a condom by one son and the other what was a blow job I saw those as teachable moments. As suggested above, such teachable moment discussions need to be related to age and stage.
As body changes begin, single parents should note the changes, get some good age appropriate literature AND find some one of the opposite sex to be offered as a resource person. "Your uncle know more about being a boy than I do, so I have asked him to be someone your can also talk to about growing up sexually and you should still come to me for a woman's point of view."
All of the above as I noted, just my not so humble opinion.
So I took a little bit from everyone, and it went well. I talked to my sis in law some more about it, and she had tried to breach the subject with him, but he had requested to talk to me about a lot of the changes stuff because he was uncomfortable talking to mom. So we went four wheeling, I was honest and open with him. Told him he didn't need to be embarrassed about talking to his mom, answered a bunch of questions, told him he could come to me as well, ect. Truth be told, my wife and her siblings all share parenting all the kids. We have a bit of a community approach. None of the kids have dads that are around with the exception of mine, so I am kind of a surrogate. But the sis in law doesnt really shirk any parental duties. I was happy to have the talk with the nephew. Go team!