Mods: Debating & Respect...

[Dadu2004]

Team -

It is the responsibility of moderators to act professionally at all times. Engaging in petty arguments with members of the forum is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. Make your point and get out of the conversation. It is not your job to tell members that they are wrong or flame their opinion. You are above that. That kind of behavior is to be stopped when you accept the position.

Furthermore, don't EVER disrespect or "talk back" to another moderator in the public eye. We are a team. We have eachother's backs. If you have an issue with another mod, take it to Mod Talk, PM, or IM. There are no exceptions to this.

Xero, this thread was inspired by you. The way you have handled yourself in the Toy Gun thread in the debate with Rosa is unacceptable. You are continuing to push your opinion and flame hers. You are not a normal member... you are a moderator, and are expected to act as such. As a mod, you give up the right to get into petty debates with other people. Also, the way you spoke to me and to Fallon is completely intolerable and will not be put up with. I would suggest that you go back and edit that post... you know which one I'm refering to.

If you (not Xero, I'm referring to anyone) cannot accept these guidelines as a moderator, kindly step down. If behaviors like this continue, you will be removed from your position.

Steve & Fallon

 

[Xero]

You REALLY need to loosen up. We're humans, not robots. All you guys do is pop in every other thread like "Yeah idk" where I actually contribute to the conversation and you're saying this is wrong???? I'm here because I want to be a part of the forum, not just because I like being a mod and being the "boss" where you two only really participate on NOW PARENTING and just barely pop in here to moderate. I'm an ACTIVE MEMBER. This forum matters to me. Does being a mod really mean you can't participate??

And if you two had never said anything to ME, I wouldn't have responded. I'd like to know why you two can "talk" to me but I can't "talk back"? You both know I didn't say a damn thing wrong in that entire thread, I wasn't nasty, I was passive agressive and that's perfectly fine considering its a DEBATE FORUM. You guys had to pop in and be like "this conversation is annoying me, its not completely perfect, just shut up" and I said no. I respect both of you, but not any more than I respect myself. I don't know why you think you're so much higher than me that I can't even QUESTION you. Honestly??

I handled myself just fine. Just because you didn't LIKE my response to the things you said, doesn't mean I've done anything wrong. If you think I've really done something wrong, then you can contact Susie and Sanjay about it, because its really not within your power to force me to step down just because I "back talked you" in a manner that embarassed you. If you couldn't take what I had to say in response to YOUR rude comment, then you shouldn't have said it. I've done nothing wrong besides disagree with you. I don't have to treat you like a God. We're equals. So DO NOT talk down to me as though that's true, the way you did in the toy guns thread today. I wont tolerate it, and I will reply in the same fashion.

The members of the forum don't care one little bit about the tiny exchange made in that thread between us today. YOU are the only one that cares, and it's strictly due to your embarassment and that's not my problem. Don't start something you can't finish.

And Steve, if you have something to say to me, just say it.

 

[fallon]

don't EVER disrespect or "talk back" to another moderator in the public eye. We are a team. We have eachother's backs. If you have an issue with another mod, take it to Mod Talk, PM, or IM. There are no exceptions to this.

it all comes down to this...if we can't work as a team than this isn't going to work out at all. Let me know if you are able to handle this, if not you can go back to being a regular member.

All you guys do is pop in every other thread like "Yeah idk" where I actually contribute to the conversation and you're saying this is wrong???? I'm here because I want to be a part of the forum, not just because I like being a mod and being the "boss" where you two only really participate on NOW PARENTING and just barely pop in here to moderate. I'm an ACTIVE MEMBER. This forum matters to me. Does being a mod really mean you can't participate??

]

This is total BS and you know it...I'm just as active on this forum as I am on any I belong to right now and I've put more time and love into this place than any of you combined. Way out of line Xero, totally uncalled for...this isn't a pissing match to see who can be the better member. It's comments like this that made us really have to think hard about whether you would make a good Mod. I really value what you do for this place BUT I've put to much time in here to be disrespected in an public thread. Part of your job here is knowing when to back away from something

 

[fallon]

You guys had to pop in and be like "this conversation is annoying me, its not completely perfect, just shut up" and I said no. I respect both of you, but not any more than I respect myself. I don't know why you think you're so much higher than me that I can't even QUESTION you. Honestly??

had to comment again, this statement is really bugging me...don't put word is my mouth (or post as it is...lol) If you read through the thread you'll see I was agreeing with you. I could care less if the converstation is perfect but you were arguing in circles with a member who IMO is here to stir trouble. You were feeding her fire. The women was never going to admit she was wrong no matter how many facts you threw at her, so I suggested walking a way and no longer wasting your energy and time on talking in circles. You got way to defensive there and took something personal that shouldn't have been. Honestly, this isn't the first time. Please understand, nobody was picking on you, or even suggesting you were wrong and really you owe Steve an apology for overreacting this way. He's gone to bat for you a number of times and doesn't deserve to be treated like that.

 

[Dadu2004]

Please remember our conversation via PM just prior to you getting promoted:

Raia -

OK, so listen.... Fallon and I like you very much, and you and I have gotten to be friends through this website. We respect you and value you for all of the wonderful things you have done with this forum. We want to promote you to a moderator.

Before we do this, I need to express a bit of concern. There are times that you can become confrontational and argumentative with people, and sometimes can come off as putting them down. As a moderator, you (or anyone) cannot do this at all. You have to remain neutral with people (not necessarily in your opinion, but with people) and always show respect to everyone. I need to know that you can absolutely carry yourself in a professional manner at all times and bow out of conversations if you find yourself getting heated.

I know you can do this, otherwise we wouldn't promote you. Just want a little reassurance....

Steve

 

[Dadu2004]

And your response.....

I completely agree, and I know exactly what you're talking about. I am able to pinpoint those problems and filter them out of my responses as a moderator. You have my word.

It means something else to me to take my position seriously rather than as just another poster on the forum (where it doesn't matter THAT much if everybody likes what I say, you know?). I understand that as a moderator, I am not only there to help keep parenting forums in line, but to be a representation of what a great (and friendly, non - confrontational, no putting down) place it is.

You don't have to worry about me, Steve. I promise.

 

[Xero]

it all comes down to this...if we can't work as a team than this isn't going to work out at all. Let me know if you are able to handle this, if not you can go back to being a regular member.

We can work as a team. I can work as a team. I can handle it. You two teamed up AGAINST me. Why can't you see that? Its not you two as a team, its all of us as Mods as a team. You two don't see it that way. I have not been respected as part of your team. So if you two can't handle the idea of me being equal to you, then you should let me know. Because that's extremely unfair and hypocritical. I would never come in a thread and tell Steve what to do in a conversation with another member. And I would never point out whether or not I thought his conversation was pointless. But you two have no problem doing that to me. None. I don't see how its fair for me to walk on egg shells around you. The minute I "get out of line" you two put me in my place in front of everyone. How would that feel to you? Oh, that's right, you wouldn't like it, and you'd write an entire announcement in the Mod Talk forum to embarass me. What do you know!

I'm just as active on this forum as I am on any I belong to right now and I've put more time and love into this place than any of you combined. Way out of line Xero, totally uncalled for...this isn't a pissing match to see who can be the better member. It's comments like this that made us really have to think hard about whether you would make a good Mod. I really value what you do for this place BUT I've put to much time in here to be disrespected in an public thread. Part of your job here is knowing when to back away from something

I know what my job is here, and it has nothing to do with deciding whether or not an argument is "petty". I'm not power hungry like that. I passively continued to disagree with her. I didn't break a single rule, I didn't once become nasty, I didn't mention your names, and that makes it not your business. As for you not being active, I'm sorry but to find out anything about what's going on with either of you (no offense, it doesn't matter to me where you like to post) I'd have to check out now parenting, which by the way does not load for me. Otherwise I'd be there as well as here. I don't feel you guys do much participating in this forum, besides what is your "job". I participate, I'm a real part of this forum. And you think I don't make a good Mod because I don't kiss your butt????? And just because you've been here longer than I have, doesn't mean you are more valuable than I am.

had to comment again, this statement is really bugging me...don't put word is my mouth (or post as it is...lol) If you read through the thread you'll see I was agreeing with you. I could care less if the converstation is perfect but you were arguing in circles with a member who IMO is here to stir trouble. You were feeding her fire. The women was never going to admit she was wrong no matter how many facts you threw at her, so I suggested walking a way and no longer wasting your energy and time on talking in circles. You got way to defensive there and took something personal that shouldn't have been. Honestly, this isn't the first time. Please understand, nobody was picking on you, or even suggesting you were wrong and really you owe Steve an apology for overreacting this way. He's gone to bat for you a number of times and doesn't deserve to be treated like that.

I've gone to bat for Steve just as many times as he's gone to bat for me. And I would do it again. I appreciate both of you, and value your friendship, but at the same time I don't appreciate being treated as a lesser person. I understand that girl is probably here to stir things up, and I maybe took the bait, but the fact is that where I could have probably left it alone, that's a personal choice of mine, not an opinion of yours to be forced on me in public. Like I said before, I didn't break any rules or do anything wrong. I replied calmly but firmly to both of you. "Speak to others how you would like to be spoken to". I responded in the exact same way as you two started the conversation.

Please remember our conversation via PM just prior to you getting promoted:

I remember it just fine. I've been professional since the beginning. I am allowed to debate in a debate forum, and I'm allowed to disagree with an unruly member that is clearly "just here to start trouble".

You two need to stop treating me like this. It wouldn't even occur to me to treat either of you in this manner. You want to talk about putting people down? Prime example here.

 

[Xero]

Furthermore, don't EVER disrespect or "talk back" to another moderator in the public eye. We are a team. We have eachother's backs. If you have an issue with another mod, take it to Mod Talk, PM, or IM. There are no exceptions to this.

No exceptions except for if your names are Dadu2004 or Fallon? Perhaps you should go back and re-read that thread, because the disrespect did NOT start with me. Maybe you guys should try taking your own advice before forcing it upon other people.

 

[fallon]

I'm not even sure where any of this is coming from. We both responded but it had nothing to do with teaming up on you (although I guess it could seem that way). I only read as far as your post and responded to your question.

 

[Dadu2004]

Your responses here are just going further to show our concern. You were put in this position under the guise that you would show maturity and respect. It was simply stated in the thread that you two were arguing in circles and getting no where and maybe you should agree to disagree. You blew up with smart remarks after that. Nothing was said directly to you and your name was never used. Your authority wasn't challenged in any way. Fallon has said the same thing to me before in debate threads, and I didn't blow up like this. I walked away, and you shoudl've as well. Instead you reacted back with smart remarks that made us all look like idiots.

And look at your responses here.... you're condescending, confrontational, attacking, and fairly immature. As opposed to simply saying "you know what, I was wrong", you're starting a fight when no argument is needed. This is exactly the sort of behavior that you cannot display as a moderator.

Either start working with the mod team respectably or don't. If you choose to, great. If not, step down or you'll be forced to step down. The decision is yours. We want you here, but not under these circumstances.

The ball is in your court, do with it what you will.

 

[Xero]

I'm DEFENDING MYSELF. Maybe you shouldn't be attacking me, and perhaps in turn I wouldn't feel so confrontational. You think?

And - REALLY - you call this "blowing up with smart remarks"???

"What does that matter?"

"I really didn't do anything to you Fallon."


"There's really no debate anyway, because you can only debate an opinion. This is literally a fact, and she's just denying it because she's angry and doesn't want to be wrong. I'm sorry if I don't find that acceptable, but I didn't do anything to either of you and I haven't said anything wrong, so there's no need to pick on me."

Simply stated, in defense of myself, nothing nasty, simply suggesting that you could back off a little because your attitude was uneccessary. Its not my problem that embarassed you. Maybe you should have thought about that before being so condescending to me. And everything you said was directed at me. Directly. :/ And it doesn't really matter to me whether or not you think I'm being immature. Its not your job to decide that.

And personally, my value for your opinion is dropping drastically as we speak.

I'm not going to take this condescending, uneccessary crap from you and keep my mouth shut, kiss your butt and say "I'm sorry I was wrong" whether I was or not. What makes you think that's fair? What kind of person are you really? You're not making any sense Steve.

And you don't have the authority to sit there and make up the "rules of being a moderator" that all consist of making you happy and without question. You have NO RIGHT to say any of this to me. None. I don't know if this is some kind of power trip, or what, but you need to back off and relax and worry about yourself.

Its because of people like you that were acting like Nazi's before Sirk came along that made this forum a crappy place to stay. I'm sure its not within Crowdgather's agenda to scare away good people due to overpowering mods.

 

[Xero]

If not, step down or you'll be forced to step down. The decision is yours. We want you here, but not under these circumstances.

I'm sorry, but you can't force me to do anything without good reason. You have no good reason to suggest this. And you don't have the authority to tell me that, either. You're a mod, I'm a mod. We're on the same level. You're not any more important than I am. Like I said, go ahead and contact Susie and Sanjay or heck just BAN ME and you can get rid of me for good if you really have that much of a problem with taking a little guff from a younger girl.

I didn't do anything to this forum. I said something that offended you personally in the smallest way. I didn't like what you said to me. You didn't like what I said to you. As adults, we suck it up and move on. Making a big deal out of it with this thread, now THAT was immature.

 

[IADad]

Damn I had a response almost all written and accidentally hit the "back" button...

Okay, so here goes again. I didn't know whether I really wanted to post here. I was torn between appearring like I didn't care by staying out, orsticking my nose in by posting. But I think a perception by someone who hasn't been involved might be useful.

Sorry for not being around, got a new ccomputer and nothing is working rigth, still isn't...

As for the original thread. Xero, while I agree that you didn't say anything technically wrong, i think if you go read your posts you didn't move past passive agressive to what I might call "antagonistic." And while tecchnically not "Wrong" if you were modding that thread you might have counseled yourself to remember to be respectful of others opinions. Just my observation and food for thought.

As for this thread. Can I first of all say, " I hate it when mom and mom and dad fight?"

I think you can all agree that things may have gone a little too far here, and feelings have been hurt. But under it all, you do still all respect each other. We are all human and subject to not acting perfectly in all situations. It seems like everyone kind of wants to put this behind them, shake hands and move on. But it seems like there is also some "as long as I get the last word in" going on...

Can I suggest we all remember the level headed posts and actions that got us here, chalk this up as a lesson learned, shake hands and move on? I personally would really like to see that happen.

I don't want there to be awkward feelings, and my sense is that that this can be completely put behind everyone, you're all such quality people.

Just my 2 cents.