Multi-generational households...

[Incogneato]

Back story:

My wife, my son, and I live only 10 minutes away from my parents in the same city. We see each other at a minimum weekly, often a few times a week and everyone gets along fine. My father is a double amputee and his mental and physical health has been declining over the past 7 years, which is causing stress on my mother. I help in any way I can, but it's still often left to her to manage any miscellaneous issues that occur with his care (Bathing, changing bandages, scheduling transportation and doctors appointments, etc).

She is ready to retire from her current career and return to her home state of Georgia, where she and my father are both from. My job is being phased out and my wife is unemployed but staying home with our son. We have a farm house in Georgia that we are all going to move into together, 4 bedroom, 2 bath, so that we can better support each other, such as with my father's medical needs and with the obvious benefits of reduced bills.

I am curious if anyone has any experience living in such a situation and what advice they could give in regards to family life, day to day function, and raising a child with 2 grandparents in such constant contact? I realize all families are different as are personalities, but I'm just looking for general experiences or advice.

 

[Mom2all]

My whole family moved into my fathers house last year. We rent out the one I own. We came to help him out for a while.
I think the first is set ground rules. It may be uncomfortable to talk about but very important in the long run to keep down animosity. You need privacy, so will your parents. That's just a fact. So we made rules on what would be a "knock on the door" situation and what areas were shared. We share the back deck, but the yeard on the right side of the driveway is ours to plant and decorate the way we want. Left side is theirs. I can walk about in my drawers in my bedroom without worry. In the living room, I never would. We have to knock to go into Dad's space. A place thats your very own will be so important. Making a plan on how the bills are paid, who'd going to cook, (everyone cooks different) and when if ya'll share meals, days when you and your wife or your parents might want to have friends over or some privacy.. those type things are important. Its hard. I love my Dad very much and respect him. However, where ever you have more than one set of adults with different ideas and ways of life, there will be conflict. Talk about all of this before hand. Do you raise your child different than how you were raised? How much advice are you willing to hear when ya'll share a home? Something small like who parks where can become a problem without talking about it. Maybe it would be easier to get Dad in and out from one parking place, but without thinking about it first, your wife parks there because she had a load of groceries. There could be animosity over it without ether one of them knowing what the other is thinking. TALK...TALK...TALK! Solve them while they are small and never give something small a chance to become big.

 

[Incogneato]

That's a good point about establishing boundaries of the private areas etc, that we consider personal space and require at least a knock/response before entering.

I also hadn't thought about the cooking situation, but I think I'll try to come up with a meal plan that we can all agree on (such as if we all like a certain vegetable, then be sure to include that in a meal or two each week). I know my mother always complains that the hardest part for her is actually deciding what to eat, not actually cooking it lol.

We are raising our son in a similar sense to the way I was raised, but with some minor differences. As far as advice goes, I'm fine with hearing all the advice in the world, but it doesn't mean I'm going to listen to it...which we've talked about with my parents and they understand.

Luckily parking will not be an issue, as we will be on a 20 acre farm in rural georgia... tons of places to park.

I appreciate all of your thoughts and the time you took to share it Mom2all.

 

[mom2many]

Be flexible, and that's both sides. I live with my MIL for a few years and along with mom2all, I found being flexible really helped. It can seem crazy or hectic at times but if you can learn to go with the flow it makes managing it a lot easier.

 

[Mom2all]

Your welcome. Once we knew what little things irritate each other, we adapted. I agree being flexible makes all the difference.

PS. Mom2Many My oldest son just looked over my shoulder staring at your girls. He said to pass on he said... "helloooooooo":biglaugh:

 

[mom2many]

PS. Mom2Many My oldest son just looked over my shoulder staring at your girls. He said to pass on he said... "helloooooooo":biglaugh:

LOL my kids have done that a time or two themselves. Tell him they said hello back :wink:

 

[Mom2all]

:laugh: