munchausen by proxy...

[Jimijames]

Has anyone ever heard of this?

Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome

The reason why I ask is that as days go by I'm really beginning to feel like the mother of my child may be causing/wanting my daughter to be ill. Or maybe she just wants her to be sick so she can blame it on me. It seems every time I give my daughter back to her mother I get a phone call from her accusing me of getting her sick. Usually that same night or the night after. Usually if my daughter were to be getting sick here in 90% of the cases the symptom of fever, cough, urine infections, or what not are never observed over here and more than likely the symptoms would take more than just a few hours or even 24 hours to surface.

There have been times she takes my daughter to the doctor with some unknown illness only to find there isn't anything wrong with her. Her mother fits the profile to the T and I'm not the only one that believe this. Even her family history is concurrent with the symptoms.

I don't know if she is doing this because she is trying to build a case against me or if she really is mentally ill.

So how do I go about reporting this? Should I tell my pediatrician? I've accused her of it in the past so it's not like she doesn't know that I'm suspicious. I know that MBPS is really hard to diagnose. I just wanted to know if anyone else have had to deal with it. If so how did you go about it?

 

[Dadu2004]

I would personally talk to a lawyer and get a court order to have her psychologically diagnosed.

 

[Jimijames]

I would personally talk to a lawyer and get a court order to have her psychologically diagnosed.

Right now I'm on may a$$ broke with no job. I'm enlisting back into the military and until I get out of training ( OCS 12-14 weeks after I leave) my hands are tied. Until then I'm just trying to stay afloat.

 

[Dadu2004]

Then until that time, document EVERYTHING. Document your daughters health when you got her and when you returned her, then evey complaint that your ex makes.

 

[bssage]

I agree with dadu. and might take it a step or two further.

i would make my concerns known to someone medical and ask what they suggest. and protect yourself. If she is trying to blame her ill health on you, protect yourself and your dd.

As soon as you mentioned it I was thinking of that scene in "Ghost whisperer". That just gives me the creeps.

I know there is a couple of nurses and a EMT here at PF. Maybe they could weigh in.

 

[Jimijames]

The thing is even when she is here less than 24hrs and goes home I get a call saying she is sick. I mean even some of the worst cold usually take a day or so to show definite symptoms. It's not like I live like a total dirtbag or keep my daughter around kids that are sick.

There have been several times she has been to the doctor and they found nothing wrong. Usually she doesn't go because the mother emails or calls the doctor instead of just going in. This happens without me knowing it, but I'm going to call the doctor and let her know of my suspicions. Hopefully she will help me if she thinks there is something really doing on.

 

[mom2many]

It sounds more like a paranoid mom then munchausen, since you said they say nothing is wrong, munch is the parents actually making the child sick, not ill but seriously ill, hospitol ill.

That's a tough one, keep informed and talk to your dd's doctor, that is your right and see what they have to say.

 

[Jimijames]

It sounds more like a paranoid mom then munchausen, since you said they say nothing is wrong, munch is the parents actually making the child sick, not ill but seriously ill, hospitol ill.

That's a tough one, keep informed and talk to your dd's doctor, that is your right and see what they have to say.

Yeah and I'm wondering how much she is lying about. Man I feel like a Jerry Springer episode having issues like this. I never thought I would go this route either. I know she would have to make her severely ill before the law would get involved. I'm not worried as much about her being sick all kids get sick. I just don't want anything damaging to happen to her psychologically and physically.

 

[bssage]

I think the "unsaid" thing here is. It would be a really bad to wrongly accuse someone of that. You have to do whats right for you DD. But well you know what I mean.

 

[fallon]

It sounds more like a paranoid mom then munchausen, since you said they say nothing is wrong, munch is the parents actually making the child sick, not ill but seriously ill, hospitol ill.

That's a tough one, keep informed and talk to your dd's doctor, that is your right and see what they have to say.

I agree with mom2many. I would say she probably does this as an attempt to make you feel guilty and look bad. If it were munch she would actually be making the child very sick as way to get attention for herself. I think this is more about getting to you

 

[Jimijames]

I agree with mom2many. I would say she probably does this as an attempt to make you feel guilty and look bad. If it were munch she would actually be making the child very sick as way to get attention for herself. I think this is more about getting to you

Yeah I've considered that as well. I've even called her on it. She denies any allegation and twists the story. Well if this continues I'm going to follow up on it. I was just wondering if anyone else has dealt with something like this and how they went about it.

 

[HappyMomma]

The syndrome does not always involve making the child sick themselves, it's more about getting the attention from being the caregiver of the 'sick' child...

About MBPS

In MBPS, an individual — usually a mother — deliberately makes another person (most often his or her own preschool child) sick or convinces others that the person is sick. The parent or caregiver misleads others into thinking that the child has medical problems by lying and reporting fictitious episodes. He or she may exaggerate, fabricate, or induce symptoms. As a result, doctors usually order tests[/URL], try different types of medications, and may even hospitalize the child or perform surgery to determine the cause.

 

[Nes]

I'm not so sure about the legal system in the states but you can certainly try and find people who are willing to give you at very least legal advice for free. Try contacting some local community groups and see what you can find.

There is absolutely no point in trying to diagnose anyone unless you are a doctor, regardless of what the internet says it's not the same as getting tests done by a professional. So don't get yourself all worked up until you know for sure.

You might also try children's aid? I'm sure they could offer you some suggestions.

Best of luck, I dearly hope it is nothing so serious and she's just trying to get attention from you.

 

[1dayatatime]

I'm so sorry you and DD are having to deal with this. In our case BioMom insists DD has asthma. DD is now 5 and has been on least 4 meds since around 2. The problem being we have not seen symptoms of asthma. Not ever. No wheezing, to asthma attacks, no shortness of breath. When we asked for a copy of the medical records all the physical findings were listed as normal on 98% of her progress notes. Heart, lungs, ears all normal. How can a child have "chronic asthma" if there are not physical findings? It seems the doctors are prescribing based on what mom says is going on. We continue to deal with this. I feel like mom does it as a form of control. Like DD is sick and you cant take care of her I can kinda thing. We have suggested Munchausen also because of the attention mom gets from other people and medical staff based on her terribly sick child. I dont feel like this will be a fight we will win without a lawyer and a medical person to testify on the actual physical health of DD over a period of time. I wish you the best of luck. I try to reassure DD that she is heathly and that exercise, drinking water, getting her rest, and eating heathly food will help her be healthy.

 

[Aunt]

sorry you are having such a tough time. I don't know you so I could be wrong but as some others have mentioned it sound like your ex is more neurotic that maunchousens (sp) Frankly either sound pretty unpleasant for you so my heart goes out. Is the kid bruised in anyway hen she comes to you? does her mom give her any "special medicines" that she has told you of? are there minor injuries? If not the mother is less likely to be making her sick so if just neurotic.
At any rate I would talk to a child psyc & have them check your little one out and ask some private impartial questions of the kid. Id also document all phonecalls in case this ever does become a legal issue & any time your kid really dos get sick or hurt at your house I would document all treatments and medications rendered as well as doctors visits. Good luck.