My 14 year old HATES school, and almost refusing to go...

[Tonald Dump]

My 14 year old son in 8th grade has always hated school. He asks me every day to let him stay home from school. I really dont know how to help him, because his experience in school is different than mine. I know its not academic, he's getting very good grades in honors classes with a 3.57 GPA and never complains about the work, and never studies for his tests and always gets good grades on them.

Unfortunately, he has had multiple problems with multiple kids bothering him, and he always tells the counsler about it. He really wants to be homeschooled, yet we have nobody who can watch him, nor do we have money to pay for someone to watch him. He's a total bitch to get up in the morning, but its always been that way since preschool, and his complaints got much worse since 7th grade. He says that bullying only happens every once in a while.

He never has any friends over, nor does he show interest of having one over or going to one's house. He never goes out, nor does he show interest of wanting to do so. I think its because he doesnt have the friends to do so, which he has none. He is always at home, racing to get home every day. He does not have a phone, and he doesnt want one. He already has a computer.

I know that christmas break is coming up, and these issues have been present since last year, but I feel it is going to get worse next semester, and I want to be prepared. I am interested in looking for alternate education for 10th grade, but I want him to get social interaction he needs and try high school to see if he likes it. He just says it'll turn out just like the past year and a half. He says theres nothing good about going to school. He also has no clue what he wants to do for life.

 

[artmom]

Your situation with your son is like reading into a mirror of what I'm gong through with my daughter. But my daughter is more average in the academic department and she started cutting again due to friend drama at school.
School is not always pleasant to attend and it's unfortunate that it is enforced that kids attend school on a regular basis. There are alternatives other than homeschooling. Some are pricey, just to warn you. It's good that you are listening and paying attention to his complaints because to force him to continue like this the outcome won't be good.
Here is a site that describes some types of schools: http://teach.com/where/types-of-schools
This one seems informative about the types of homeschooling that are out there: http://a2zhomeschooling.com/all_time_favorites/home_school_programs_dlps/[/URL]
Set up a meeting with the principal and the guidance counsellor and go over some solutions.
They may come up with a student plan, which just enforces school attendance and works with the teachers to rearrange seating plans and perhaps getting him involved in a program during lunch and after school to keep him away from the bullies.

As for him just being at home, let him chill at home. Not all kids feel like they fit in and that is not always a bad thing. If he doesn't want to join any clubs or activities, don't push him, just let him be. But keep the door of communication open.

In the meantime, plan activities like family game night, family movie nigh, etc and just enjoy spending time with him.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

Always hated school myself so don't know what to suggest. Other children, time-wasting tasks, grumpy teachers, general routine and atmosphere -- it sucked. I still have nightmares that i have to go back to school for whatever reason.
Don't spit at homeschooling. But it depends... How is he doing to learn independently? You don't really need a babysitter for a 14yo. But would he be actually studying unsupervised or get stuck in a videogame instead?
Otherwise -- maybe just change the school?

 

[Tonald Dump]

Always hated school myself so don't know what to suggest. Other children, time-wasting tasks, grumpy teachers, general routine and atmosphere -- it sucked. I still have nightmares that i have to go back to school for whatever reason.
Don't spit at homeschooling. But it depends... How is he doing to learn independently? You don't really need a babysitter for a 14yo. But would he be actually studying unsupervised or get stuck in a videogame instead?
Otherwise -- maybe just change the school?

I dont think he'd be actually studying, he is an extreme procrastinator. And changing schools probably wont work. Also, he only has 5 months left of his current school, he'll just have to sit through it.

 

[marrykerry77]

<t>At 14 I wasn’t interested in my classmates’ affaires and socializing was least important for me. I liked studying, though not everyone knew it (most of my teachers thought I was dumb). Your kid is smart, smarter than those who bully him. Help him endure it - persuade him to fight through this period of life, let him complain and give your piece of advice. His future will change for the better with older and wiser people around. He’ll get a chance to be himself and finally will be accepted and appreciated.</t>

 

[Lisa Bunnage]

You have to get him involved in something outside of school. Make it mandatory. There has to be something he would like to do. Could be a course on photography, sports, volunteering at an animal shelter or seniors home.

This is just a start when trying to gets kids to find themselves. 14 is an awkward age but things often get worse if you don't intervene now.

So sit down with him and figure out what he could get involved with. There's always something.

Good luck,

Lisa

 

[TabascoNatalie]

*You have to get him involved in something outside of school. Make it mandatory. There has to be something he would like to do. Could be a course on photography, sports, volunteering at an animal shelter or seniors home.*

Good idea, but shouldn't be any formal stuff. A hobby on its own would be good

 

[Lisa Bunnage]

What's wrong with formal stuff? If he wants to join a soccer team, then that's okay.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

What's wrong with formal stuff? If he wants to join a soccer team, then that's okay.

Nothing wrong, just isn't neccessary. Things like photography you can do by yourself.

 

[babybibsplus]

If your child has been in the same school district then it might help to move them to a different school. Figure out something that he is interested in and find a place for him to participate in that interest. I agree that he needs a hobby or maybe to be a volunteer. He could volunteer to be a tutor for other children or volunteer to help others in some way. That might make him feel important and give him a little self esteem as well as socializing with others. You might also take him to a counselor at church or find a big brother program. A big brother program would give him someone to do things with and a person that he might open up to. Hope you can find an answer.