I have a 20-y/o daughter, who lives at home still. Her best friend and she recently got into a physical fight. I don't know the details, but the friend called my husband at 5:30 in the morning, and I was lying right next to him. She told a bunch of lies (they both had apparently been drinking. Long story short-I feel like this girl is not a good friend. I cannot control who my daughter's friends are, but she is not welcome at our home, and I have asked my daughter not to bring her name up around us, as she caused major family fighting. She, however, tonight brought the girl home, even though the girl stayed out in the car. I feel my daughter is pushing the limits, and I feel I have not requested too much. My daughter thinks I should just get over it, but my instinct and experience so far has been that this "friend" has stepped over the line by "messing with my family". I don't generally dislike people, but when I do, it's because I've been giving the benefit of the doubt until there is no doubt anymore. How do I handle this?
my 20-year old...
- Thread starter wolfgal
- Start date
Since we dont know any of the details we can only assume that you are not overreacting. IMO what we do know is this. Drinking and cell phones do not mix well. And foribiding your 20 yr old daughter is like putting the shine on the apple. Its likely that the drama, is just "growing pains" them a growing apart. You may have just slowed the process giving them a common foe to deal with.
With the limited information you have given us Sirks answer. Is really the only good answer that comes to mind. When you have responsabitities I.E A home, A job, college ect. You are more picky about who you provide access to. And really @ 20 its time.
If you are compelled to give some more details you will likely get a better more specific response.
With the limited information you have given us Sirks answer. Is really the only good answer that comes to mind. When you have responsabitities I.E A home, A job, college ect. You are more picky about who you provide access to. And really @ 20 its time.
If you are compelled to give some more details you will likely get a better more specific response.
Sirk,
The night her friend called my husband, he was told that my daughter was swinging at her-apparently friend pushed my daughter, and daughter fought back. Hubby told friend he'd come get her, and friend said daughter said she didn't understand-that hubby would "beat her". He has NEVER laid a hand on her. Daughter denies this. I don't like the idea that this friend is violent at all-she has been mean to my daughter on different occasions, and my daughter has been upset, and obviously I don't approve of the violence in this "friendships"-I cannot relate to this and cannot believe my daughter is comfortable with this having ever happened and staying friends with this girl.
Daughter smokes like this girl and frequents friend's house to drink beer with this friend and others. I'm just worried. My daughter's friend up until senior year of HS was a "straight laced" girl, who we loved dearly, apparently too much, and my daughter is actually kind of jealous of this girl, possibly because mistakes we have made in what we've said. Seems like my daughter feels inferior, though I've done all I can think of to say otherwise. I hate the smoking, drinking, and wild behavior. I have become my mother, although I swear I wasn't a prude. I have prided myself in not reacting to some major news daughter shared with me, and she commented about it, too, that she was surprised I didn't hate her. Gave me a chance to say that there was nothing she could do to make me hate her... It was a tough situation.
Guess the point is I don't approve of this friend, but I realize I can't control that, but my request is that she doesn't bring this friend around and/or bring girl's name up. Is that too much to ask?
I do appreciate your input.
The night her friend called my husband, he was told that my daughter was swinging at her-apparently friend pushed my daughter, and daughter fought back. Hubby told friend he'd come get her, and friend said daughter said she didn't understand-that hubby would "beat her". He has NEVER laid a hand on her. Daughter denies this. I don't like the idea that this friend is violent at all-she has been mean to my daughter on different occasions, and my daughter has been upset, and obviously I don't approve of the violence in this "friendships"-I cannot relate to this and cannot believe my daughter is comfortable with this having ever happened and staying friends with this girl.
Daughter smokes like this girl and frequents friend's house to drink beer with this friend and others. I'm just worried. My daughter's friend up until senior year of HS was a "straight laced" girl, who we loved dearly, apparently too much, and my daughter is actually kind of jealous of this girl, possibly because mistakes we have made in what we've said. Seems like my daughter feels inferior, though I've done all I can think of to say otherwise. I hate the smoking, drinking, and wild behavior. I have become my mother, although I swear I wasn't a prude. I have prided myself in not reacting to some major news daughter shared with me, and she commented about it, too, that she was surprised I didn't hate her. Gave me a chance to say that there was nothing she could do to make me hate her... It was a tough situation.
Guess the point is I don't approve of this friend, but I realize I can't control that, but my request is that she doesn't bring this friend around and/or bring girl's name up. Is that too much to ask?
I do appreciate your input.
Sometimes I leave out the details, but my daughter is working at a restaurant and is finishing her 2nd year of college where she had gotten a tennis scholarship. She is planning on going on into nursing, which is what I do. She has a bright future, which I hate for her to ruin.
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I have a 20 year old daughter too & she is living at home with us her degree is in Business Admin. She is having a hard time w/ all things right now ... so do keep her in prayer. She is needing to find herself a job because things are tight and she is having a hard time trying to keep things togehter. But, I will be praying for your daughter too as to get a nursing degree her party days should come to an end & she really needs to push forward with her studies.</SIZE>[/FONT]
</LEFT>You are right, you cannot control your daughter's friend, but you DO have control over who comes to your house.
You don't have to give her any reason or explain yourself to her, since it is YOUR house, period. If she doesn't like the rule, she can move out, have her own appartment and invite whoever she wants.
You don't have to give her any reason or explain yourself to her, since it is YOUR house, period. If she doesn't like the rule, she can move out, have her own appartment and invite whoever she wants.