My daughter will go on delivery and doesn't want me around....

[Luna]

Hey there.

If I would star from the begining it will take forever, I guess everything have been always there but five or six years ago she started to show the typical teen signs.

She's almost 19 and pregnant, she is going on delivery tonight the 17th to be induced and doesn't want me there. The last days have been one of the saddest of my life, just now I called her and all she did was bitching me on the phone, I was barely speaking because I don't want her to get upset but shes upset no matter what.

I'm not in good terms w/ her in laws but it was not my fault or at least not entirely and she lives with them; is not their fault, she have been always like that w/ me but it certainly doesn't help. Yesterday I called her house and I has prohibited to call there but I was concern about her and she shared a cell with her husband and he was at work. Her father in law told me "I will put her on the phone but she just want to talk to you", I can swear he was happy while he was telling me that, I didn't said anything, she came to the phone and just hung up on me.

She's is going to be tonight delivering the baby only w/ her husband, another 19 years old and Im so nervous about and so sad.

What to do? I never though that will be happening to me, I was raised and raised a family in the love and as best I could, kids don't come with a guide; sure Id make mistakes but at the best of my knowledge I gave her everything I could both spiritual and material but she just don't love me, she rather bee with her father who never wanted to know about her until she looked for her, is hard to come to terms with that but you can't love somebody and tell that person the things she says and do to me.

What to do?

 

[Luna]

Sorry about the spelling.

 

[Jeremy+3]

I don't know where you are from, but here it would just be plain weird to have your parents in the room when giving birth.

 

[mom2many]

As hard as this is...and I would be crushed in your position, the only real thing you can do is respect her wishes.

Maybe after the baby is born you guys can work towards fixing your relationship.

 

[mom2many]

I don't know where you are from, but here it would just be plain weird to have your parents in the room when giving birth.

It not really weird but I do think every woman giving birth has the right to say who is or isn't allowed in the room with them.

 

[Luna]

Yes I know, that was never the issue, I know every woman has the right to decide who is with her; as I said that wasn't the issue, nevermind, Im probably at the wrong place.

Bye.

 

[mom2many]

I hope you don't leave so fast. Maybe refine the question a little, it did sound like right now the biggest problem is not getting to be there....that's aside from the problems with the other family

 

[Luna]

I don't think is normal at all to have your own daughter giving birth and not been even at the hospital. Maybe I'm weird like that.

I'm really anxious even though giving birth is the most natural thing in the world, I'm just about to be a 40 yo grandma and I don't know.... It doesn't feel right to me been here while maybe she's going trough all that pain.

Is it normal at all not to have your family at the hospital when you are going to give birth?. Is it normal that I just be at home waiting?. I feel like quilty, sorry, I can't help it.

BTW. Before going to the hospital she texted me and told me that she love me and that was a blessing. I told her that I will be a phone call away. I can't wait to meet my grandson. Oh another thing, she told me she didn't want nobody to stay w/ her but the nurses, while at the hospital after the delivery; let see, maybe she change her mind after all. Sorry, I'm nervous.

 

[mom2many]

I think I understand a little better, and honestly I would feel the same way as you! I don't know that I could sit at home and just wait....I could do it in the waiting room if she made me, but not at home.

Is it normal at all not to have your family at the hospital when you are going to give birth?. Is it normal that I just be at home waiting?. I feel like quilty, sorry, I can't help it.

Is it normal? For some woman yes it is very normal, for me personally it wouldn't be normal, but the again I could care less who is there. You also shouldn't feel guilty, this is what she wants.

Ok, now that I have said all that here is what I would do....I would be at the hospital, sitting in the waiting room. I would let the nurse know why I was there, but I would never step foot in the delivery room, I would respect that wish, I would make myself as invisible as possible and yet still feel like I am a part of a very important part of my DD's life.

Congratulations though on becoming a grandma, do we know the sex of the baby?

 

[Luna]

Thank you so much! That is exactly what I think and I'll probably go early Tomorrow, she just went to the hospital for an induced delivery expected by Tomorrow. I was thinking also to do that, just been in the waiting room.

Is gonna be a boy and the name will be Jayden.

We are from Cuba (you can tell lol) but my daughter has been raised here and she thinks more the american way, in Cuba (I know, is all over the top) the family is outside in the waiting room waiting the for the delivery, been with their love one, nobody will think is a carnival in there and everybody is quiet and such but here it tends to be a little cold, if you will, not disrespected intended but is also like that with the elderies and I think I will never acostume myself. In Cuba nobody is allow in the delivery room, Thanks God for that, LOL, maybe now the father and not in every hospital.

 

[mom2many]

You almost gave up on us to soon .

I understand the cultural issue's, it's always hard when one custom is the norm and then the kids go and change everything!

in Cuba (I know, is all over the top)

Oh yes, I had a friend who was from cuba and my best friend was from Equador and anything was a cause for a celebration and a birth was no different!

Jayden is a great name for a little boy!

And good luck tomorrow, I hope you'll stick around and let us know how it all goes !

 

[Luna]

I will mom. Thanks for your advises and I'll come tomorow to share the good news.

 

[mom2many]

Great!!

 

[Xero]

I agree, I think you deserve to be in the hospital. In the delivery room, I wouldn't put too much thought to that, some girls are just like that, and it is sometimes easier to have fewer eyes on you in a situation like that. I think its pretty common for people not to have parents in the delivery room, but I definitely don't think its weird for a mom to be in the room for support. I know of tons of people that have had their mom in the room. Definitely! But plenty that didn't. Anyway, you deserve to be in the waiting room, and I would think that to be very offensive if my child told me I wasn't allowed in the waiting room during my grandchild's birth. I would be so upset! I think as long as you can be nice, agreeable and respective around the people that are there, then you deserve to be there. I know my bio mom tends to be the one family member at every gathering that fights with everyone and ticks everyone off by being disrespectful and childish. There are certain things that I don't invite her to, sadly enough. But I'm sure you're not like that. A LOT of kids go through disagreements wih their parents at this age, and at this stage in life. It will be a tough time to get through. I would just focus on the fact that she is on her own now, so if you want a good relationship with her you need to show her the respect of another adult, and talk to her in a way that you're pretty sure wont make her mad, and focus on transferring from the status of an authority figure and a mom in control of making sure her daughter does the right thing to the status of a loving friend who is there for her she needs you. A lot of times, that's the kind of misunderstanding that pushes parents and adult chidlren apart, so I figure its a stage everybody goes through. I went through it with my mom, and now that I've been out of the house for a couple of years and we've had time to work on a new kind of relationship, we are great friends and I talk to her and hang out with her all the time. And when I need her to be, she's there for me as a mom too. I think everybody can get to this point. Good luck with your daughter, and congratulations on your first grandchild! Let us know how it goes!

 

[Xero]

Awww Mom2Many, I love your new icon!! Kailyn is getting so big! She is adorable!!! And is her hair getting curly now?

 

[xox.ilu.xox]

Jeremy......

I dont find it weird at all for a mother to be in the delivery room, ,my mom was, but that was because im adopted and she never had the opportunity to give birth herself and never experienced what its like, so she was in the delivery room so she could share the experience with me i dont find that weird....

and OP congrats on the grandbaby on the way!!! let us know when he is born!!

 

[TabascoNatalie]

I kinda understand mother's feelings, but on the other hand... when I was giving birth to my boys, I didn't want to be bothered by anyone in the hospital, and I asked my DH to take all the phonecalls.
I think the grandmother-to-be should respect the new mother's wishes, because giving birth is stressful enough, and really no place for arguing and fighting.

 

[mom2many]

Awww Mom2Many, I love your new icon!! Kailyn is getting so big! She is adorable!!! And is her hair getting curly now?

Thanks!

I can't tell what her hair is doing, wet it curls, dry it falls straight with a little "hook" at the end. Vanna's hair was curly from the get go and Sams didn't curl till she was about 15, up till then it was straight.....I guess time will tell. And Ted's didn't curl till he was older....strange hair my children have.

 

[AmyBelle]

I only had my husband around for the delivery of both my girls, I didnt really want to have other people hovering around when I was feeling so vulnerable.

 

[Mom2all]

I can probally shock everyone~ My Mom shared the birth of my last child with me and my ex-husband.. but it was my Dad that held my hand for the first 2. It seemed natural for my best friend and greatest supporter to be there. In fact.. my sister was in on the first one too. I felt blessed and loved the fact that they entered into this world with those who would always love them watching them take that first little breath of air. To each his own I guess.