My son hates me....

[Venezia]

Thank you Venezia, good advice.

No problem - glad to have not been rambling! It's always a gamble isn't it? Offering suggestions... you never know whether what you're saying is actually of any use!

Did my PMs come through OK? It would have been just the one but I had to split it into two because it was a bit....ummmm....long!

BTW - How are things now? Any progress?

 

[NancyM]

Yes I received both PM's and again thank you for your time, They are very informative and very much appreciated.

My son likes me again. lol He came in my room and plopped on my bed while I'm working on the computer, and began to tell me all kinds of college stuff. How he can't stand the large lecture class rooms, and can't understand the professors anyway since most of them are foreign. He feels it's a hugh rip off, since he has to go home and learn what he didn't get there, on UTUBE! lol He's right in that respect.

He was all excited saying how he wants to try "Stand up Comedy"! ?? I smiled like a good mom and said "Go for it." Than he said he and a friend want to do landscaping, I said that sounds great too, smile... "Go for it" :wink:

I hope he becomes an accountant. lol

 

[singledad]

LOL, maybe he'll become an accountant who does landscaping on weekends (And stand-up comedy on Saturday night ).

 

[NancyM]

Thanks Singledad, lol. Something else for me to look forward to.

 

[tamo]

your son need some time by himself to think about what he wants to do in life. By you telling him want to do is only making the situation worst; not that you are the problem. As you have noticed your son is unsure of what major to take. He feel as if he's being forced to do something he does not want to do. For example taking that English class he doesn't want to take and by you telling him what to major in is just making him feel a little frustrated with life. He is also going through a phase called Adolescent egocentrism where he feels that everything is all about him and what he wants and need. At this stage he's a little difficult to help because he believes that his experience is unquie and no one understands him. However, don't give up just give him a little space and time to think about what he wants but not too much time.

 

[tamo]

your son need some time by himself to think about what he wants to do in life. By you telling him want to do is only making the situation worst; not that you are the problem. As you have noticed your son is unsure of what major to take. He feel as if he's being forced to do something he does not want to do. For example taking that English class he doesn't want to take and by you telling him what to major in is just making him feel a little frustrated with life. He is also going through a phase called Adolescent egocentrism where he feels that everything is all about him and what he wants and need. At this stage he's a little difficult to help because he believes that his experience is unquie and no one understands him. However, don't give up just give him a little space and time to think about what he wants but not too much time.

 

[NancyM]

Thank you Tamo . Very good insite.
I will try to remember all this. He is back to his old self for the time being.

Yes your right about the egocentrism, he does act like everything is about him.
lol funny. I remember thinking that too.

 

[Venezia]

Thanks Singledad, lol. Something else for me to look forward to.

LOL!

Yes your right about the egocentrism, he does act like everything is about him.
lol funny. I remember thinking that too.

I suspect we've all done it! Glad to hear he's talking to you - long may it last!

 

[IADad]

I tried to write a repsonse the other day, but the internet was being horribly slow.

I remember seeing neices and nephews come back for Thanksgiving break their first year of college. They all knew everything, as though they had just discovered it, they knew how their professors were horrible and their workloads horrendous. After watching this happen I suddenly understood, "OMG, I was exactly like that." It's a time of discovery a time for figuring out limits and breaking them, which more often turns to drama of some kind than not.

You may want to also tell him that not many people actually end up working in the fields they study. I mean take a poll here, I bet that less than 50% of those who went to college are working in their major feilds.

 

[ChemEngineer]

tell him he should do chemical engineering

 

[somebody]

I have not read the whole thread. And my kids are small, so my credibility is limited. But here are my thoughts.

I agree that nowadays college is necessary. BUT I would rather have my child get a college EDUCATION rather than just the paper. And that is not going to happen properly without active effort. So I would think that there is no need to get a degree RIGHT NOW. I would suggest to him that he get a full time job and put college on hold. He is going to have to face DIRECTLY the kind of job he can get, and the kind of money he can make without a degree when he gets said job. Accounting and physics are likely to become a lot more appealing.

Also he will have a chance to grow up in general, which will hopefully give him good tools to decide his future.

I would also think that a little positive disciplinary action might be in order with his attitude. I wouldn't think that there is any reason for you to have to tolerate a bunch of 'tude. And if he has a job and wants to continue being a PITA, he can find his own place.

Good luck!

 

[NancyM]

IADad Quote"You may want to also tell him that not many people actually end up working in the fields they study. I mean take a poll here, I bet that less than 50% of those who went to college are working in their major fields."

Thank you IAdad, I think your probably right. My husband graduated college in business Marketing, and has worked as a construction for the last 30 years and loves it, so it is what it is.

Somebody Quote: "So I would think that there is no need to get a degree RIGHT NOW. I would suggest to him that he get a full time job and put college on hold. He is going to have to face DIRECTLY the kind of job he can get, and the kind of money he can make without a degree when he gets said job. Accounting and physics are likely to become a lot more appealing."

Thanks Somebody, I wish I could just say to him " why don't you drop college for a while,and go to work full time, but I can't. I still believe that parents are obligated to encourage our teens to work through their obstacles. I understand college is hard, but that might be because he's in the wrong field of study. It really depends on your child.

Sometimes my son is lazy, and I know he doesn't like to push himself out of his comfort zone, I know when he's rebelling as well. If I suggest he drop out, I'm afraid I'd be sending him the wrong message, and he may interpret it as I'm giving up on him. Which I never would.

He's got to much potential and so much possibility that he doesn't even realize it himself, I can see it because I'm older and wiser and while he's going through this adolescent hormonal thingy--I think his dad and I just have to suck it up until it passes and continue to guide him forward.

ChemEngineer--He thought of chemical engineering too for a while. Thanks. lol.


By the way, he's liking college again! lol WHEW!

 

[KatyBoo]

I hate you too nigger

 

[superrod2010]

This is very normal for teen years. I remember going through it and have a step daughter who is 19. She was a real trial for us and made a lot of stupid decisions for herself. We went through a lot of heartache trying to help her and live with her through those years. She found a great guy and got married when 18. He treats her like a queen and I'm not worried about her now.
I was an angry teenager many times. I struggled through high school and took some classes in college but never completed any of it and don't have a degree. I consider myself very successful. I am a bit of an entrepreneur and love to run my own businesses which have ranged in everything from RE investing to eBay. You don't need a degree to be successful. You need desire and drive. Everything else will come and you don't have to have all the pieces together when you are 18.
I didn't start working for myself till I was in my mid to late 20s and married. I think it started when I was taking a college course for computer science and when unable to complete it I ended up working for a company who hired many of those I had gone to school with. They completed, they paid more than I did, we all had the same job and got paid the same.
Education is important but it doesn't all come from "School".

 

[lovemykids]

I think he's very unsure about what he wants to do. I used to be very anxious about my kids not being a full-time student, as then their health insurance will lapse. I've seen way too many people near bankruptcy because they thought they'd never get sick. But, now with the new health care changes, they can be covered until 26 whether in school or not.

It might not be a bad idea to sit out a year or a semester. Even the community college thing wouldn't be bad. A shame to waste tons of money on tuition if their heart is not in it.

Had a daughter who got her head handed to her the first year of college at a state university. She just wasn't expecting things to be as difficult as they were. Not like in high school where they are holding your hand. She came home and asked to attend community college. She ended up doing great and is now a teacher.

My kids are 19, 22, and 24 and they all get really cranky when they are stressed about something. Then they lash out and say all kinds of things. I hate these moods. The 24 year old is married and out of the house, but I think we've finally gotten our sweet daughter back. The 19 year old is a great kid and never has been overly moody (Thank God!). The 22 year old......well he's another story.....(i.e. very lengthy post on this site)
The jury is still out on him.

Yep these moods are killers and makes you wonder what you were thinking when you decided to be a parent. I think it will end sometime in their twenties....then you get your real child back.

 

[NancyM]

Max has decided to go part time and now he's taking art classes. He is talented art wise as well, and he says these classes do apply to his degree (what ever that is lol)

About the health insurance, he will loose dental and vision, but the medical part of it will remain in tact.

It turns out that the medical health will insure your child until 26 yrs old even if they are married or live elsewhere, cool.

But they have to be a FULL time student to get the dental and vision part, that's how our insurance works anyway, and my husband works for the state and has really good plan.

Anyway, it is what it is, the county police test comes up in June, so he will be taking it. We shall see.

 

[superrod2010]

I am an artist as well. that was one of my talents I found in high school. I think that part of me might have something to do with the entrepreneur spirit. I would suggest encouraging that. It allows one to express oneself.
I always try to encourage any such creative art in my kids. When I had more time and used to paint my son even expressed an interest in it and would paint beside me with his own paints at 4-5 yrs old.
I personally think creativity is powerful.

 

[NancyM]

I agree Superrod, My sister is a wonderful artist. Max has always had artistic talents even as a little kid.

I hope he finds his nitch in this world soon though because I think the longer it takes, the harder it gets to decide.

It will work out.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

what about volunteering -- like Red Cross or Greenpeace? he could go, try, and change the world, and maybe come back with ideas what he wants to study.

 

[NancyM]

That's an idea too Tabasco, thanks.