My Wife Wants to Put My 4-yr-old Son in a Ballet Class...

PaterFamilias

PaterFamilias

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Dec 16, 2009
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I'm uncomfortable with this idea, I must admit. I know the arguments that football players often take ballet to improve coordination, strength, etc., but I think there is a difference between a grown man who is secure in his male identity utilizing ballet to improve his game, and a young boy still growing, with his male identity still forming in crucial years. Also, I think there are other activities that develop the coordination, balance, strength and discipline that ballet does -- like gymnastics or karate -- that don't carry the feminine-overtones that ballet does.

I'm not even sure what my son thinks about this. My wife let me know only moments ago, but I haven't been home yet to hear from him on the matter. Certainly at 4 years old (almost 5), he doesn't really understand all the nuances of this.

What are people's thoughts?
 
Xero

Xero

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I would take him to a class to watch, let him see the whole session, and then take him home and ask him if he really wants to do it. Or you could show him pictures or videos online, but I would show him little kids doing it only because the adult version is kinda different. I don't really think its about what your wife wants to do, but what he wants to do. I would express to him that its completely okay for a boy to take ballet, but I would also definitely let him know that mostly girls do it, so he would probably be slightly outnumbered (but not completely). I don't think you should focus on that, but I think its only fair that we tell our kids the truth (which is - a lot of boys play football, and - a lot of girls take ballet). I also think that there are other activities that are very similar to ballet but they aren't so female-oriented. Like you said, gymnastics or karate. I would just talk to both of them about this in a genuine way, but don't be like "Ballet is for girls wtf!!!" lol. I would help him explore and let him see his options and see what he wants to do and then make the decision with your wife from there.
 
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IADad

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Feb 23, 2009
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I don't think there are "nuiances" uness you put them there. I like Xero's advice a lot. I think this really needs to be something HE WANTS to do and needs to know all about before starting.

I agree there are plenty of other activities, none better, none worse for coordination etc. and I think the same connotation does exist with Gymanstics, but it's about what you put the focus on. I mean seriously it depens a little on your area and social circles etc. There are some places where even music lessons would be considered "sissy." So, I don't think you want just old sterotypes driving this decision. If it's going to be something he likes and really wants to do and understands that not many boys do and maybe even that some people think it's only for girls, then fine, he can go with eyes wide open
 
bssage

bssage

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Oct 20, 2008
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My boy did dance until 2nd grade. His cousin still does. I'm pretty sure it didnt gay them up any.

IMHO activity at that age is activity. The more the better.
 
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xox.ilu.xox

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I agree with Xero, take him to a class or two and see if he likes it. I really dont think it would change "sexual preference". There are plenty of perfectly straight men in ballet. Any activity is good for a child, and if hes interested in ballet, let him try it out!

PS. lots of ballet moves are strictly oriented at men when they do ballet, so dont be worried bout tutu's or too many pliets ;)

I know this cuz i danced for 8 yrs, jazz, but i watched many a ballet class with boys in it :)
 
TabascoNatalie

TabascoNatalie

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Jun 1, 2009
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my first thought -- "Billy Elliot" :D
Honestly, myself I never thought I'd send my boys to ballet. But I think about figure skating -- seems a gorgeous thing to me.
But... if the kid likes it -- why not. You can take him to football as well :p
 
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rob56601

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Feb 10, 2010
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Likes and dislikes shouldn't be the final factor in this. The fact is, he likes eating cake and candy, but you're not going to let him do just because he likes it. And, at that age, kids are fical and their likes and dislikes change frequently.

Growing up is hard enough these days. You concerns about him being treated like a sissy are completely valid, as is your wife's request that he become involved in something. You're both his parents and there has to be something you can both agree on for him to do. You're the parents together, you make the decision together and in HIS best interest. If your wife claims it's ballet or nothing, she's using him to prove something and that's not right.

Find common ground and get him involved. It's the interaction he'll enjoy more (and will more benefit him) then the activity itself.
 
TabascoNatalie

TabascoNatalie

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recently i read article, that female figure skaters in USA have difficulty finding a partner. because most parents send their boys to football,baseball, hockey, but rarely to figure skating. so these girls try to migrate to Eastern Europe or Russia, to find a partner to skate for USA in Olymics. How interesting is that?
 
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IADad

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TabascoNatalie said:
recently i read article, that female figure skaters in USA have difficulty finding a partner. because most parents send their boys to football,baseball, hockey, but rarely to figure skating. so these girls try to migrate to Eastern Europe or Russia, to find a partner to skate for USA in Olymics. How interesting is that?
Click to expand...
That is interesting, until recently we had no indoore ice within about 75 miles, so Nobody, male or female did figure skating here.

Now, thinking from a purely logisitcal point of view, I'd think it'd help to be gay to be a pairs skater. I know if I were an adolescent boy, getting to "handle" a girl, like they do would definitley lead to shifts in center of gravity...
 
X

xox.ilu.xox

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rob56601 said:
Growing up is hard enough these days. You concerns about him being treated like a sissy are completely valid, as is your wife's request that he become involved in something. You're both his parents and there has to be something you can both agree on for him to do. You're the parents together, you make the decision together and in HIS best interest. If your wife claims it's ballet or nothing, she's using him to prove something and that's not right.

Find common ground and get him involved. It's the interaction he'll enjoy more (and will more benefit him) then the activity itself.
Click to expand...

I dunno....i really have to disagree!!!! Just becuase you are worried about him being called a "sissy" really isnt a valid enough reason to say, "Evven if you like ballet, you cant do it, cuz ppl are gonna think your gay". I think that is the stupidest reasoning ever.

If he wants to do ballet and is interested in it..LET HIM!! IF he doesnt like it once hes seen a class or two, find out what his interests are. If ppl start calling him a sissy, this is when you tell him " stick up for yourself :) Tell them I am not a sissy, ballet is great exercise and teaches you rhythm and makes you muscley!!!"

On another note, i went to cirque sublime (cirque du soleil) a few days ago and MAN that was amazing!!! They had the two guys that hold each other up and stuff, it was flippin UNREAL! IF you ever have a chance to go see them, do it! its amazing :)
 
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rob56601

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Feb 10, 2010
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xox.ilu.xox said:
I dunno....i really have to disagree!!!! Just becuase you are worried about him being called a "sissy" really isnt a valid enough reason to say, "Evven if you like ballet, you cant do it, cuz ppl are gonna think your gay". I think that is the stupidest reasoning ever.

If he wants to do ballet and is interested in it..LET HIM!! IF he doesnt like it once hes seen a class or two, find out what his interests are. If ppl start calling him a sissy, this is when you tell him " stick up for yourself :) Tell them I am not a sissy, ballet is great exercise and teaches you rhythm and makes you muscley!!!"
Click to expand...
Believe me, my friend. I'm not one that bends to gender roles. I work in the theatre. I can sew as well as I can build a doghouse. I cook and I bake and I change the oil on my car. And my girlfriend loves it. Nobody calls me a sissy, probably because I weight 240 lbs. BUT, I chose to pursue all these avenues at an age when I knew what I wanted. I argue, at four, this child doesn't really know what he wants.

I wouldn't be uncomfortable with my boy being in ballet. In fact, my girlfriend and I are teaching our 3 year-old to ballroom dance. But, this gentleman is uncomfortable with it. The 4 year-old isn't saying, I want ballet. His wife is saying he wants ballet. In my relationship, we decide things together. There are LOTS of activities their child can participate in. There must be one that they both want their child to get involved with. What's the harm in doing that instead?
 
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rob56601

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Feb 10, 2010
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Ha ha! Sorry, sometimes my fingers type before my brain finishes thinking of how to word things!
 
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ritchiem

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Feb 11, 2010
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My daughter has been in ballet since she was 3 or 4 years old (She's 9 now). There have always been 2-3 boys that have participated in classes (For one, they're a hit with the ladies that severely outnumber them). They are incredibly athletic once they hit their mid-teens and I wouldn't be surprised if they were in some kind of weight lifting/ strength conditioning class.

If you're worried about ballet being too feminine, you should look no further than Lynn Swann and Herschel Walker. Both incredible football players. Both of them took ballet.

Swann: Transcript: Lynn Swann 02/17/99

Walker:Walker Balances Bulk With Ballet - NYTimes.com
 
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VelvetRainDrops

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Feb 15, 2010
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I think it depends on what your son wants. Yes a 4 year olds wants may change frequently but that is all a part of growing up and learning about who you are. The only way for him to discover his interests is to try new things. However if he never mentioned an interest in it then i dont see why you should enroll him. See how he feels about it. Kids are pretty candid and will honestly say if they like or dislike something. It is great to help him discover his interests, but in my opinion not a good idea to force them into likes.

I dont think ballet is only for girls. I just think his interests and desires should be most important in deciding what activities to let him try.

Learning to accept your childs interests while they are still yound and discovering them for themselves may help a lot once they are teenagers and their interests take over.

Of course i am not saying to let him do anything his little heart desires so much as give him options and allow him to chose.
 
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