I have a 19 month old baby in the house and he cannot sleep on his own at all. His mother and I are engaged, and I've been trying so hard to be Daddy. She has slept with him since he was born and I'm trying to break him and her of that. I know in this case it's normal because she's slept with him all his life, but... is that normal? I mean he goes totally nuts when he wakes up and she's not laying next to him. And I'm in the military so I really need my sleep. I'm almost to the point where I'm about to start sleeping in a totally different room, but I really don't want to do that because I want us to be a family. Any advice on what to do would be greatly appreciated. The cry-it-out method (how my parents did me) doesn't seem to work by the way.
Need advice/help...
- Thread starter nathan.williams
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No, the CIO method really does more harm than good, in my opinion.
Honestly, yeah it is normal if that's the way she has done things with him, and really there's nothing wrong with it other than it can be inconvenient (but aren't babies inconvenient sometimes?). Its called co-sleeping, and its actually like the main thing they do in other countries. America tends to be very anti co-sleeping though, so everybody has kind of a negative vision of it. Honestly its been proven to prevent SIDS and its great for providing a baby with comfort. Here's some info on it for you, so you can learn the benefits of it.
The Benefits of Co-Sleeping
It talks a little about breastfeeding, but that doesn't have to be involved, its just a plus if the mom happens to be also breastfeeding.
And also, always keep in mind that babies aren't babies for long, and in a year or so you can explain to him all about sleeping in a big boy bed. As of now, he's still really too young to understand and he'll probably just be confused and cry and miss the warmth and closeness of his family when he's trying to sleep.
My son co-slept with us up until just a few months ago. Honestly, I never made him do anything, he actually just started asking to sleep in his own bed one day shortly before he turned 3. I think he just got sick of trying to get comfortable between us lol. Now I feel kind of lonely without him!! haha but basically, either way I would wait just maybe one more year before trying to tackle the issue. Its not that long when you think about it, just be patient.
That's my opinion anyway, I know other people think differently.
Honestly, yeah it is normal if that's the way she has done things with him, and really there's nothing wrong with it other than it can be inconvenient (but aren't babies inconvenient sometimes?). Its called co-sleeping, and its actually like the main thing they do in other countries. America tends to be very anti co-sleeping though, so everybody has kind of a negative vision of it. Honestly its been proven to prevent SIDS and its great for providing a baby with comfort. Here's some info on it for you, so you can learn the benefits of it.
The Benefits of Co-Sleeping
It talks a little about breastfeeding, but that doesn't have to be involved, its just a plus if the mom happens to be also breastfeeding.
And also, always keep in mind that babies aren't babies for long, and in a year or so you can explain to him all about sleeping in a big boy bed. As of now, he's still really too young to understand and he'll probably just be confused and cry and miss the warmth and closeness of his family when he's trying to sleep.
My son co-slept with us up until just a few months ago. Honestly, I never made him do anything, he actually just started asking to sleep in his own bed one day shortly before he turned 3. I think he just got sick of trying to get comfortable between us lol. Now I feel kind of lonely without him!! haha but basically, either way I would wait just maybe one more year before trying to tackle the issue. Its not that long when you think about it, just be patient.
That's my opinion anyway, I know other people think differently.
My daughter is 13 years old and just stopped sleeping with me last year. My husband works nights all the time, so it just worked out best for us, but I know how it can be a problem.
You could try putting the baby bed right next to your wife's side of the bed... and inching it further away.
Another method I tried worked pretty well until I caved because of my husbands schedule... was ... putting her to bed by reading a book sitting in a chair next to her bed. I would promise to stay until she fell asleep.. which I did. Most nights, she stayed in her bed that way.
Good luck!
You could try putting the baby bed right next to your wife's side of the bed... and inching it further away.
Another method I tried worked pretty well until I caved because of my husbands schedule... was ... putting her to bed by reading a book sitting in a chair next to her bed. I would promise to stay until she fell asleep.. which I did. Most nights, she stayed in her bed that way.
Good luck!
I don't have a problem with parents sleeping with their kids. I found we all sleep better and wake up happy. They do grow out of it later on.
Of course everyone has to feel the same way. If it bothers you than you have to talk it out with your wife. If she came from a family where children were allowed to sleep with parents or other siblings than, it's normal for her.
If you think about your baby for a minute, and try to put your self in his mind. All he knows is that all day long he's suppose to be with mom or dad, never alone. All of a sudden at night, the scariest time of all, he's expected to be separated from everyone and stay in a room all alone, for so long. He cries because he doesn't understand, not because he wants to make anyone mad.
I think all of us gone through this with our first kids, and really, it's what ever works for your family. That's whats normal.
Of course everyone has to feel the same way. If it bothers you than you have to talk it out with your wife. If she came from a family where children were allowed to sleep with parents or other siblings than, it's normal for her.
If you think about your baby for a minute, and try to put your self in his mind. All he knows is that all day long he's suppose to be with mom or dad, never alone. All of a sudden at night, the scariest time of all, he's expected to be separated from everyone and stay in a room all alone, for so long. He cries because he doesn't understand, not because he wants to make anyone mad.
I think all of us gone through this with our first kids, and really, it's what ever works for your family. That's whats normal.
A couple of my kids slept with us when they were young, and all seemed to grow out of it quite naturally. It certainly can be frustrating with 3 or 4 people in bed, but in the end everything seems to work out.
While there are a lot of benefits and problems to sleeping with your child, the issue seems to be whether or not it works for your family. If this is an issue you disagree with then it needs to be brought up with your wife sooner rather than later.
If you both decide to put the child in his own bed, there will be an unpleasant transition period for sure...but it won't last forever.
Personally, I think if you are considering sleeping in a separate room to get a good night's rest you may create a larger problem in your relationship. The child belongs in his own room with the parents in their own room if there is no co-sleeping, not one parent with one child and one parent alone. After all, to me, your relationship with your wife should come first because your child joined your life, you didn't join your child's life. You both taught your child to enjoy co-sleeping, and you can both teach your child to enjoy a room of his own
If you both decide to put the child in his own bed, there will be an unpleasant transition period for sure...but it won't last forever.
Personally, I think if you are considering sleeping in a separate room to get a good night's rest you may create a larger problem in your relationship. The child belongs in his own room with the parents in their own room if there is no co-sleeping, not one parent with one child and one parent alone. After all, to me, your relationship with your wife should come first because your child joined your life, you didn't join your child's life. You both taught your child to enjoy co-sleeping, and you can both teach your child to enjoy a room of his own
Well, the child isn't his, he actually did join the child's life. I might be sounding a bit harsh, but I do actually think that the child's happiness comes first, and that a new fiance and his happiness comes next. I would never put a man before my child for any reason.
The baby is still a baby, and if Mom and kid are used to co-sleeping, than I don't see any problem with it. My nephew co-slept with his parents until he was 2 1/2. He still sleeps with his mom when he's at her house (they are since divorced, and he just turned 3). He has no problem sleeping in his own bed at Dad's house.
As long as they grow out of it by a certain age (I would say around the time they start school). I think a child still sleeping with his or her parents after age 5 or 6 is a little creepy and may cause problems later on.
As long as they grow out of it by a certain age (I would say around the time they start school). I think a child still sleeping with his or her parents after age 5 or 6 is a little creepy and may cause problems later on.
our children are Adopted and never slept in bed with us but if Caidy has a nightmare or something she will come and quietly hop in bed between us. sometimes she does it so quietly i don't even notice until the morning. i think its healthy for a child to sleep with there parents occasionally. its a love/bonding thing
I happen to believe that the child should always come first. After all we bring them into the world.
Thank Goodness I had two parents who thought the same way. They both always treated us like people, they valued our opinions and respected our thoughts and ideas.
They always put us first before their own needs. Yes we even slept with them if we needed too, and yes, my father would sleep on a chair to make room for us so we could all sleep comfortable and peacefully.
...and I stand by what I said once before, if I was ever forced to choose I would always choose my child over any man Which by the way, was something my father instilled in us.
Thank Goodness I had two parents who thought the same way. They both always treated us like people, they valued our opinions and respected our thoughts and ideas.
They always put us first before their own needs. Yes we even slept with them if we needed too, and yes, my father would sleep on a chair to make room for us so we could all sleep comfortable and peacefully.
...and I stand by what I said once before, if I was ever forced to choose I would always choose my child over any man Which by the way, was something my father instilled in us.
i have a 10 month old baby boy he is amazing for the most part...i am trying to get him to sleep in his own bed which im not going to lie is my fault for being lazy.... but recently as well as not sleeping in his own bed he has become super attached to me i mean abnormally attached to me i cant go anywhere do anything unless he comes with or he breaks down everytime i leave for work its like the end of the world i dont know what to do... i mean he cries if anyone comes near me at all and flips out if my husband touches me or if other kids come near me he kicks screams and hits i dont know what to do i want him to sleep in his own bed and calm down a bit... i love the fact that he loves his mom but this is getting to the point of being ridiculous... help!!!:arghh:
My kids are sleeping in their own bed from day one...they are very independent, so i dont know how it is, but, sometimes, i wish they would want that closeness that co-sleeping is inducing. So i guess that us, as human beings, are made to wish all the time what we dont have.
Maybe a bed time ritual will help with getting him used to sleep alone, because safety is what he is looking for: bath followed by massage, playing a bit, reading a story, as somebody suggested, his favourite toy around...explaining that the teddy bear or whatever he likes is going to sleep alone, putting the toy to sleep in his bed the first night, and let him see that...
I can relate with somebody that wants a quiet sleep...i was really lucky that our kids slept all night from 2-3 months ...im a sleep addict, i need my night sleep otherwise i cant function...
Maybe a bed time ritual will help with getting him used to sleep alone, because safety is what he is looking for: bath followed by massage, playing a bit, reading a story, as somebody suggested, his favourite toy around...explaining that the teddy bear or whatever he likes is going to sleep alone, putting the toy to sleep in his bed the first night, and let him see that...
I can relate with somebody that wants a quiet sleep...i was really lucky that our kids slept all night from 2-3 months ...im a sleep addict
, i need my night sleep otherwise i cant function...There's almost nothing I enjoy as much as sleeping (well, a couple things!) but kids, especially young ones, certainly can make it difficult to get more than a couple hours at a stretch. Trading off with your partner can reduce the stress to you, for sure, but also setting up a standard bed time along with other "standard" things that happen every night before bed can make it easier. Reading to your kid, playing some music, whatever. Just make it a routine and they'll fall into it. At least that's how it worked with me
IMO whatever works, works. I wouldn't split the martial sleeping arrangements.
If the truth was told most of us have spent more nights than we want remember sleeping sitting up. Walking across toys with the lights off. Afraid to move our arm, and thinking it is going to have to be amputated due to lack of blood. Going to Work like zombies.
Lots of good advice in the post , reading, routines ect. All good stuff and make a major difference.
If you could figure out one thing that worked on every kid you would make a million.
Really in my humble opinion its the best and the worst part of parenting.
If the truth was told most of us have spent more nights than we want remember sleeping sitting up. Walking across toys with the lights off. Afraid to move our arm, and thinking it is going to have to be amputated due to lack of blood. Going to Work like zombies.
Lots of good advice in the post , reading, routines ect. All good stuff and make a major difference.
If you could figure out one thing that worked on every kid you would make a million.
Really in my humble opinion its the best and the worst part of parenting.
We used a cry-it-out method that seemed to work. But it wasn't just abandoning her in the room until she was quite. We went in and varying intervals to reassure her we were there and listening but she had to learn to sleep on her own.
What we did was put her to bed with the lights low, soft voices and usually right after being fed. She was swaddled tightly so when we set her down there was still a feeling of being held.
When the crying started we would wait at these intervals.
1st time, 1 minute
2nd time 2 minutes
3rd time 5 minutes
4th time 10 minutes
5th time 15 minutes
Then we would start over making sure we were calm, quite, relaxed and had the lights low.
It took some time but before long it worked for us.
What we did was put her to bed with the lights low, soft voices and usually right after being fed. She was swaddled tightly so when we set her down there was still a feeling of being held.
When the crying started we would wait at these intervals.
1st time, 1 minute
2nd time 2 minutes
3rd time 5 minutes
4th time 10 minutes
5th time 15 minutes
Then we would start over making sure we were calm, quite, relaxed and had the lights low.
It took some time but before long it worked for us.
It is really not easy for you. I have a 8 month old boy sleeping with me since he was born. Not that I wanted to do so, I had to because he cried all the time. Now whenever evening starts, he only wants me to be with him. He doesn't even want his dad! I am very tired sometimes because nobody can help me when I really need a break. I guess it is hard to put him in his cradle, not to say let him sleep in his own room. I guess we all have to be patient. I am just hoping he will outgrow it eventually.nathan.williams said:
Wow, your kiddo really loves u heaps. My son will be jealous too if my dgt comes over to me or hug me. Secretly aren't we loving it? :spinny:tiredmom89 said:
wow great topic...I have a 18month old baby girl and she sleeps in her own cot in her sisters room...sorry there room...they go down at 7:30 and she tries her best to call and cry but my husband is strong will and insists she stay in her cot...in time I too have become stronger and she is getting much better...Its not cruel its getting her in a routine for all our sakes...
children will try anything to have life the way they want it but its a case of getting a even balance for all of us on all topics...xx best of luck dad!
children will try anything to have life the way they want it but its a case of getting a even balance for all of us on all topics...xx best of luck dad!
I am a mother of two, a 7 year old boy and a 3 year old girl. I am minoring in child psychology and worked at a facility with autistic children for two years so I know how to deal with difficult and stubborn children. When my son was born i allowed him to sleep with me all the time. It was very difficult to break this habit and he was almost four before I got him to sleep on his own. This was defiantly my fault because I always gave in to his screams and cries. My advise to you is get him out of your bed as soon as possible. Put him in his bed every night to go to sleep. If he wakes up, then he needs to go right back to his bed. The screaming fits will be tough to deal with at first but after several nights of realizing that he isn't going to get his way, he will get used to it. No matter what DO NOT GIVE IN!, every time you guys give in, because it is easier and quieter, he will think you guys are going to give in every time. It will be crazy for a few days and your GF/Wife ? will probably feel sad or think a half hour of non stop screaming and crying is abuse, just insure her that this is the right thing for everyone and give her some comfort her little one is growing up, It gets emotional for us mothers at times. Again DON'T GIVE IN! and bare with it, it will work. And remember giving him his own bed is not abuse no matter how loud he gets. Good luck to you and your family, I hope everything works out!