Need Advice...

[Amber]

One of my twin stepdaughters is like that. She's always been "the princess" because hubby spoiled her terrible. I never noticed it at first because I tend to spoil my baby quite a bit, until one day I overheard her telling the other kids that "she was the princess, I'm better than all of you, so give me the toy." NOPE!!

After talking to Jackie about it, we decided to put her back in touch with reality. We explained to her that she was no better than any of the other kids. LUCKILY, she's still old enough, I think it's kind of worked. If she'd have been a headstrong teenager, I don't know what I would have done.

I love the idea of charity work. Not only might it help her learn she's not "queen bee" and appreciate things, but it's also good for her to learn to help others out. I'm not a big fan on calling her ugly, just because if she's already unhappy and stuff, that could just add fuel to the fire in her mind, possibly bring up a new situation of eating disorders or something equally as bad, not to mention low self-esteem. You've got to find that happy medium.

 

[Gitti]

:arghh: She's the eldest and the only girl in the family, she has the attitude of queen bee of the house. ...

I dont know how i can bring her down to earth with her attitude of being perfect, ....

she hates her life..

I have not read what others have posted and there might be some good suggestions, here is mine:

If she hates her life, why do you want to bring her down more? Down to where? She is down. Way too far down. She needs to be built up and find life enjoyable.

The only way to do that is to never criticize and never give elaborate compliments. Both are very hard to take and create pressure.

Listen to her without being judgmental. Just listen and smile or node. She wants your attention, nothing more.

When you go out to the mall with her, let her show you what she likes. Just look and agree that it is pretty. Don't criticize what she likes. She is not asking you to buy anything, she just wants you to like her taste.

When she does something you really don't like, don't yell. Just tell her you don't like that. Period.

Have simple conversations with her but never put her down nor try to build her up. The way she is, is the way you accept her. She has to see that eventually.

You will need her before too long. You can't believe how quickly time flies and you will want her to come and visit. Make sure you remember that with everything you do and say now. You want her to be your best friend eventually. Raise her accordingly. Respect everything she does.

Trust her completely and let her know it. Use her name when you are talking to her. Make eye contact and smile at her as though she were you very best friend. (You'll get that back in old age.)

Specifics - when she hit her brothers tell her privately you wish she wouldn't do that. That's all. Just tell her but not in front of her brothers. Don't yell, don't elaborate. Use her name and just say it. Make eye contact. That's all.

When they cry, tell them she won't do it again, in front of her. That shows you trust what you said is going to be done. Take it for granted. (You may have to do that several times.)

Let her strut around. It's her age. Accept that and don't even consider it any further. Love her but not her looks or how she acts. Just her. She needs unconditional love.

Give her one or two chores a day. Think of it the day before, tell her in the morning so she can decide when she wants to do it unless it has to be done at a specific time. Tell her exactly but matter of factly.

B...I would like you to ..... today, thanks.

Don't make her babysit her brothers for a while yet. She needs to grow out of this stage and mature. Don't make that a chore.

As for privileges, don't be too strict. Let her have some freedom and trust her. When she says she is going here or there, believe her. Don't question her.

Never question her. Don't ask questions about her friends but make sure she has a good group of kids around her. Like her friends and don't talk bad about them. They are her friends you have to respect that.

Never discuss her while she is present. Always include her in the conversation and address her. She has a right to respect.

 

[evilbrent]

wow. great advice.