I'm new to posting in forums but I desperately need advice. My 6 year old daughter and I spend a lot of time together and we talk openly. Lately she has been making remarks about her mother not doing things with us. Today on our way home we had planned on going swimming in the lake. She expressed that she wished her mother would go and I replied that she was at work. The first thing out of her mouth was that mommy never does anything fun with us, that she doesn't go shopping with us, etc. Typically this wouldn't be an issue with me. The problem is that she has told me wife that I'm the one that said that she doesn't do anything fun. It's not the first time something like this has happened and my wife always gets angry , confronts me, and never believes me when I explain that I wasn't the one that said it. This behavior is causing stress in our relationship that we don't need. I don't know how to handle it with my daughter because I want her to feel comfortable speaking with me openly!!! Any advise!?!
Need help! 6 yr old creating conflict!...
- Thread starter DanielS
- Start date
This is typical in kids with divorced parents. I was always asking why and mom and dad couldn't get back together. My daughter is always wanting to spend time with both me and her dad.
She may feel what she is expressing is bad in her mom's eyes and is afraid of getting in trouble. She may even be noticing how her mom reacts to you over the issue.
Next time your daughter is over and she starts making exclamations, try not to feed into it too much. Try something like, "I'm glad you have so much fun when your here. I'm sure you have fun with mom, too." Then you can have her make a list of things that she wishes to do with mom and have her present the list. This way it doesn't sound like complaining or judgments and it's coming from your daughter, personally.
If the issue comes up again where your daughter is accusing you of making comments about her mom, don't acknowledge it and tell her mom that the two of you will talk about the issue when your daughter is not in earshot.
She may feel what she is expressing is bad in her mom's eyes and is afraid of getting in trouble. She may even be noticing how her mom reacts to you over the issue.
Next time your daughter is over and she starts making exclamations, try not to feed into it too much. Try something like, "I'm glad you have so much fun when your here. I'm sure you have fun with mom, too." Then you can have her make a list of things that she wishes to do with mom and have her present the list. This way it doesn't sound like complaining or judgments and it's coming from your daughter, personally.
If the issue comes up again where your daughter is accusing you of making comments about her mom, don't acknowledge it and tell her mom that the two of you will talk about the issue when your daughter is not in earshot.
Are you divorced? It doesn't sound too me like you are....
To me it sounds like your daughter is voicing a need - she wants more of her mother's time, and she wants you to spend more time as a family. I don't know your situation, but it doesn't sound like an unreasonable thing for her to want. Remember that she is just a little kid, even though you might be sensitive to the demands on her mom, she doesn't have that maturity. She just needs her mom.
Perhaps she tries to put the words in your mouth because she believes it would be more likely to get a positive response?
Perhaps you and her mother souls focus less on who said what and who is to blame, and more on how your wow can open some time in her schedule to spend time with her family?
To me it sounds like your daughter is voicing a need - she wants more of her mother's time, and she wants you to spend more time as a family. I don't know your situation, but it doesn't sound like an unreasonable thing for her to want. Remember that she is just a little kid, even though you might be sensitive to the demands on her mom, she doesn't have that maturity. She just needs her mom.
Perhaps she tries to put the words in your mouth because she believes it would be more likely to get a positive response?
Perhaps you and her mother souls focus less on who said what and who is to blame, and more on how your wow can open some time in her schedule to spend time with her family?
Yes, we are still together and it has been brought up before that she may tell her mom these things because she feels that it may carry more weight if her mom thinks I said it. To me, the sad part is that what my daughter says to me is true! My daughter and I do a lot together and we do go to a lot of places that are fun. She does go shopping with me, among other places. We always ask mom to go, but rarely will she. I too wish her mother was more involved but she just doesn't want to go. I love spending all this time with my daughter and wouldn't trade it for anything. I suppose I should learn to live with mom getting mad if my daughter says something like this because I don't believe her mother is willing to change. I hope that with age my daughter will grow out of this or feel more comfortable telling her mother how she feels.
That is really sad. I suppose I serious heart to heart with mom about your daughter's needs are out of the question?
I wouldn't be too confident about your daughter feeling more confident about speaking to her mom layer, if the message she gets now is that mom doesn't want to spend time with her...
Is there perhaps something else she would want to do with your daughter? Something special that could help save the bond between them?
I wouldn't be too confident about your daughter feeling more confident about speaking to her mom layer, if the message she gets now is that mom doesn't want to spend time with her...
Is there perhaps something else she would want to do with your daughter? Something special that could help save the bond between them?
Is there any way you can do something together? The 3 of you? It doesn't have to take up all day, maybe a movie together, etc...
The girl is very clearly expressing a need, and she does it in the best way she can think of. Might not be the best way, but it is her way of saying she needs more attention.
The girl is very clearly expressing a need, and she does it in the best way she can think of. Might not be the best way, but it is her way of saying she needs more attention.
Your daughter probably just wants to feel like she's getting unique attention from you and your wife. Maybe she feels like you two pay more attention to one another than to her? Maybe you should find more activities that you can all do together as a family!
You need to sit down as a family and discuss this so that your wife and daughter can talk about it with each other. Ask your wife to go out just once with you and your daughter. Explain that its a special occasion and at the end of the day express how much you enjoyed the day and then try to lead into a conversation about spending time together and see if Mom and daughter will talk about it.