Need some advice on prego 16 and controlling BF...

stepdad3kids · May 19, 2013

<r><SIZE size="3"><s><SIZE size="125"></s><s></s>Hello all and thanks for looking. I am in dire need of some advice. I have 2 stepdaughters, one 13 and other 16, along with our son which is 3. The main issue is with my 16yr old. It’s kind of a long story. Maybe someone here can give me some pointers/advice.<e></e><e></SIZE></e></SIZE> 
<SIZE size="3"><s><SIZE size="125"></s><s></s>So she is pregnant, which I understand that not everyone is perfect and do make mistakes, it is how we go about the mistake that will make you stronger in life... Honestly, it does not bother me that she is pregnant; it’s her boyfriend who is the real issue. <e></e><e></SIZE></e></SIZE> 
<SIZE size="3"><s><SIZE size="125"></s><s></s>I have told her that I will be there for here and help her as much as she helps herself. <e></e><e></SIZE></e></SIZE> 
<SIZE size="3"><s><SIZE size="125"></s><s></s>Little background on this kid. He is also 16 years old. He no longer attends school. Apparently he is going for GED. He has tried to kill himself several times, with the last time he almost got his wish. He spent 3 month in a watch place deal. Now he’s out living at home. This all happened about 3-4months ago, he was released then.<e></e><e></SIZE></e></SIZE> 
<SIZE size="3"><s><SIZE size="125"></s><s></s>He never comes over to our house; we always keep that option open, even after all the disrespect he has given to me and my wife. He has sent nasty txt to my wife saying that she was a whore and a slut for getting pregnant at 17 and that her daughter will not end up this way. Stuff along those lines. But hey, he did get my daughter pregnant. I would love to say I told you so. Anyways, among other things he is very controlling, saying that he does not see us in the family picture on holidays, you know stuff like that. He always wants her to stay the night too. <e></e><e></SIZE></e></SIZE> 
<SIZE size="3"><s><SIZE size="125"></s><s></s>We allow our daughter to see him every other day, with the other day he can visit at our house. He never shows. On the days we do allow her to go, we give her a time to be home by 7, which she mainly follows.<e></e><e></SIZE></e></SIZE> 
<SIZE size="3"><s><SIZE size="125"></s><s></s>I have also had her give us the cell phone after 10pm, because he will chat her up all night. With that said, apparently he is very pissed off at us that we will not let her have the cell after 10. I recently said the hell with it. And we gave in. It frustrates me like all crazy. I just want to cancel the dam thing, but my wife says she needs it. Is this a lost cause? It didn’t change anything with her BF, he just makes up other excuses. Should I just get rid of the phone?<e></e><e></SIZE></e></SIZE> 
<SIZE size="3"><s><SIZE size="125"></s><s></s>I only have a few rules. Be off you cell for bed, be off computer at 9 and help out around the house. Everyone once in a while, the rules doesn’t get followed. So I take away the cell or pc for a couple of days. Or ground her, but if I ground her then that’s keeping him away from her and he throws a fit. According the bf, I am trying to control her. I see it at parenting. This kid just doesn’t know how easy she has it.<e></e><e></SIZE></e></SIZE> 
<SIZE size="3"><s><SIZE size="125"></s><s></s>His mom says she is here to help, but never comes through. I almost think she is two faced and just playing us. We have received nothing from them for the expecting mother.<e></e><e></SIZE></e></SIZE> 
<SIZE size="3"><s><SIZE size="125"></s><s></s>She loves to sit on the computer and play games all day, and when I tell her she need to take a break it stresses her out. I’ve just totally backed off due to the baby. She has mostly stopped talking to me and my wife, it like life is all prefer and dandy. She expects everything and gives nothing in return. She may do the dishes everyone in a while, but it like pulling teeth to get her to do anything. There is no lack of respect from her side<e></e><e></SIZE></e></SIZE> 
<SIZE size="3"><s><SIZE size="125"></s><s></s>Among other thing, I am the only source of income in the house. I work my tail off for the greenbacks and it just frustrates me that I am going to have to front everything for someone who has no respect for you.<e></e><e></SIZE></e></SIZE> 
<s></s> At this point anything help. Thanks for loking<e></SIZE></e></SIZE><e>[/FONT]</e></r>

cybele · May 19, 2013

She is going through something really stressful right now, generally when you have a kid you don't want to be living with your parents and siblings with limitations on how and when you can contact the father. I think you may need to step back and look at the situation from her point of view.

No it is not a reason for her to contribute nothing to the household, but I think you need to loosen the reins a bit, she is going to be raising a child of her own soon, she needs to be allowed to grow, and part of that is making her own decisions about how often she chooses to contact the father of her child.

It's not your typical teenage dating situation anymore, you won't achieve anything by treating it like it is. You need to start treating her like an adult, because she is taking on very adult role in her life.

Also, not to mention, how far along is she and is her lazy behaviour only recent? If it is, it could be pregnancy related, morning sickness, exhaustion, lack of motivation, foggy head, they're all pretty common in pregnancy.

Like it or not though, future grandmother on the father's side isn't actually required to buy anything. Yes it would be a wonderful gesture, but she doesn't have to. Especially not if her son isn't allowed to be as involved as he would like to be, or is possibly scared of you.

stepdad3kids · May 19, 2013

Hello and thanks for the reply.
She has always had this lazy behavior. Nothing new there. Wakes up and goes straight for the computer.
I know future gm in law is not required to do anything, but the father is! I have invited this kid over tried to talk with him, included him in family activities. He choose not to come over. I ask my kid why and she says he is mad at us, for different reasons.

Exactly loosen the reins on what? I have very limited items i would like her to follow. She is still in school. i am trying to have her finish.

She dose not get it, when the child is born, everything will change. Right now, everything is fun and games. I don't think she is that stressed out about anything right now. Only when i don't let her do something she want, she gets loud.

How do i start treating her like an adult, when she still acts like a kid. Being an adult requires being responsible!

cybele · May 20, 2013

And no one gets a chance to act like an adult when they are treated as a kid.

I was referring to confiscating her phone, making sure she is home by 7 and so on. I really think you need to give her more opportunities to make responsible decisions herself.

As for the boyfriend, would you want to participate in activities with a family who have set times when you can contact the mother of your child? Who set visitation limits? Clearly he has his own issues which are quite severe, but it sounds like he is burrowing his way out of that and trying to be responsible, getting his own place and going back to school, it doesn't sound like you are giving him enough credit for these fantastic achievements.

As for the family vacation thing... do you mean their family? As in your daughter, her boyfriend and their child? At least that is how I read it. Err... are you opposed to them funding and going on their own vacations in the future? Why?

mom2many · May 20, 2013

Honestly I am seeing red flags here. Serious red flags where the boyfriend is concerned.

She is 16 and while she may be having a child, that doesn't mean she is mature, that doesn't mean she can do as she pleases.

If I was in your shoe's I'd be sending her with family out of state. I'd be getting her away from this guy for a while.

akmom · May 20, 2013

I don't really get where Cybele is coming from. Just because she is pregnant, she is exempt from all the rules and restrictions that are normally good for teens? But her parents are still expected to furnish all the amenities she wants, and support her financially? I think rights and responsibilities have to go hand-in-hand, and now is a good time to decipher the arrangement.

Where I live, pregnant teens go to an alternative high school, where a guidance counselor helps them find a job, arrange childcare, and schedule their classes. Many of these classes are in the evenings, to accommodate the teen parents' work schedules. While most of them do continue to live with their parents, and probably have parents who pitch in for childcare sometimes, our school district's philosophy is to prepare them to handle the financial aspects of parenthood. They don't just leave the infant with Mom or Dad and go off to school like their peers. If you're ready to raise a baby, you're also ready to get a job and support your baby and yourself. If the teen dad isn't already employed (regardless of whether he's going to school), then she needs to do the same thing that a pregnant adult would do: get a job herself.

Have you determined where/when/if she will attend school after the baby is born? Have you established who is going to take care of the baby when she is at school? Who is going to purchase the baby's items? To some extent, her being a teen kind of necessitates that you provide for her and the baby, but that doesn't mean you have to provide everything she or her boyfriend wants (phone, PC, etc.) and it doesn't have to mean she is exempt from household rules. You just have to find that balance between freedom and responsibility. Discuss it with her in terms of, "What new freedoms do you think you should have as a parent?" and "What new responsibilities do you expect to have as a parent?" Weigh in on your expectations and hers. If she says she doesn't want curfew, wants to see her boyfriend at all hours of the day or night, wants you to provide her with a phone and PC and not restrict their uses, do no household chores, and have you be available for babysitting whenever she wants... then you're going to have a hard time when the baby is born.

cybele · May 20, 2013

My point was that no one grows if you don't give them the opportunity to do so.
But then I generally find phone confiscation and 7pm curfews for 16yr olds over the top, especially when western countries have the view that you magically become an adult at 18 with all the glorious responsibilities that most kids don't experience prior to that.

akmom · May 21, 2013

I think western cultures have a gradient of rights and responsibilities to transition into adulthood. Although 18 is the age of majority here, it is not the age at which all rights are granted and all responsibilities assumed. People can get a driver's permit at age 14, a driver's license at age 16, a job at age 16 (or 14 with certain requirements) under stricter labor laws, can donate blood at age 17, get emancipated at age 17, join the military at age 17, get a job at 18 under regular labor laws, sign legal documents at age 18, purchase nicotine products at age 19, alcoholic beverages at age 21, receive a free public education until age 21 (or graduation, whichever is first) become eligible to sponsor a permitted driver at age 21, remain on parents' health insurance until age 28, marry at age 14 with a court order, marry at age 16 with parental consent, marry at age 18 at will, etc. The actual age that children leave the house depends on the individual family.

The trick is allowing a teen to become an adult when they do not have all the legal rights or basic education of an adult. A 16-year-old can't realistically move out, because she can't even sign a rental agreement, and work opportunities are pretty limited for that age. Not finishing your high school education also reduces your opportunities. I think the key is to take advantage of the options she does have at age 16 (some jobs, ability to drive, finish school) and fill in the gaps where she can't (housing, some living expenses, perhaps some childcare). But if she isn't ready to tackle the rights/responsibilities that 16-year-olds legally can, then it doesn't sound like she's ready to be a parent. And until Boyfriend is running his own household, he really has no business dictating how his girlfriend's family runs theirs. It doesn't sound like he's got it together enough to do that, so I can understand the OP's frustrations. He's being a spoiled, entitled brat and the daughter is being pulled between his and her parents' wishes. It sounds like the OP has already been welcoming to the boy; he just needs to grow up and accept that isn't going to get his way in everything until he's supporting himself.

cybele · May 21, 2013

I think calling him a spoiled, entitled brat is harsh and way off the mark.

Clearly he has had some problems in the past, some heavy problems, one does not attempt suicide multiple times and have a clear head (or a spoiled, entitled, bratty head) it's an awfully dark place and he has gotten himself out of that place, and is going back to study. That is highly commendable and, as far as I can see, shows that he has his head on right.
He is also someone who has fathered a child and there are limitations on his interactions and involvement. That's not fair, that's not usual and anyone would lash out in those circumstances. Wanting to speak to the person carrying your child is a pretty normal thing.

Legal ages for insurance and driving and working are completely irrelevant to the points of curfews and having your phone confiscated after a set time so you don't contact the person who fathered your child.

What rights/responsibilities is she not fulfilling here? Other than not washing the dishes every time she is told? OP stated that majority of the time she follows all the rules, especially the ones regarding curfew. Sounds to me that it's more of a situation where the boyfriend cannot figure out his place in what is now his family (his child, remember?) and the step-daughter likes to play on the computer. She's pregnant, she's is virtually unemployable, no one is going to hire someone who is pregnant because it is only temporary, she will have to go on maternity leave. If his issue is money, he needs to speak to his wife, not his step-daughter.

Mom2all · May 21, 2013

I get where you are coming from Cybele. I was 17 when I had my daughter. My Dad did try to control me seeing her Dad. I moved out. It wasn't ideal because I had to struggle.. and the father was in fact a loser who disappeared almost immediately... so Pop was right.. but once you have a baby.. the normal teenage rules don't apply. There is not bedtime anymore.. prom.. college.. dating.. all of that is dramatically different. She needs a fast forward grow up plan.

HOWEVER.. if the baby's Dad is controlling or can be dangerous.. step in.. step up.. get her help.. find someone to get through to her. Be careful with it though.. cause she very well may decide to up and leave for him if you push too hard.

Tough situation.

singledad · May 21, 2013

You call him controlling... please elaborate?

So far the only examples you have posted of his controlling behaviour is him being mad because he cannot contact your daughter, and accusing you of being controlling. He was also unpardonably rude to your wife, but you don't say what lead to those messages being exchanged. If he really is abusive towards your daughter, then yes, you have every reason to worry (And should absolutely do everything in your power to keep her safe). But until now, you haven't posted anything that makes me think that your daughter should be protected from him, other than your assertion that he is controlling. Texting her in the middle of the night and objecting to limits set on his access to her, seems to me more like the behaviour of a love-sick teenager than a controlling man. The only real red flag I see is the insults he threw at your wife.

It is clear that he has been trough hell and back in his short life, and I think the fact that he still has plans to make something of his life, only a few months after coming off suicide watch, is, quite frankly, extremely admirable. He deserves some credit, IMO.

As for your daughter - I would think that if any 16 year old wanted to stay up all night texting, her punishment would be having to get through the next day. If she's tired in school, how is that your problem? And I hope the 7pm curfew is only for school nights, because enforcing it on weekends and holidays would be a bit ridiculous.

Lastly - If I knew that my girlfriend's parents disliked me and judged me for the troubles I've been through in my life, I wouldn't want to go to her house either.

Xero · May 21, 2013

Cybele, he didn't say vacations, he said holidays (like Christmas, Thanksgiving or whatever, we don't call vacations [like going places for fun and relaxation] holidays). So basically he's threatening to spend all future holidays with the baby and the girlfriend, without OP and his wife in the picture.

I am kind of stuck between agreeing with akmom and Cybele haha. I am leaning more towards everything akmom said though, although it's very true that teenage rules just don't apply to someone who has become a parent, and there's no reason to enforce most of them.

There's just no reason for you (OP) to try to force the boy to come to your house. Obviously you have made him feel unwelcomed and un-liked, no offense. I mean, it is clear even to me (a stranger over the internet reading a couple paragraphs coming from you), that you don't like him and you disapprove of him. I can only imagine how obvious and uncomfortable that is to him, the actual person you're talking about. You really going to tell me that if you knew someone didn't like you, disapproved of the things you have done or have been through, and they made you feel wrong and uncomfortable every time you were around them, you would still come to their house? I know I wouldn't. I really don't believe you would, either. I mean, you don't have to let her spend every day every minute at his house, but you can't be mad at him about only wanting to see her at his house, because unfortunately that's the only place out of their two options that they both feel comfortable. You and your wife will have to work on making up with him over time, good luck with that. My parents did this exact same thing to my husband when I was pregnant with our oldest (I was 19, but I still lived at home for a while so the situation was similar), and he still hates them and avoids them. They made him feel hated, and made his life hell as a young parent. Some things you just can't take back. Oh well.

Anyway, a more reasonable curfew like maybe 9pm would make more sense to me, and honestly what she does after lights out should be her choice, if she's tired at school tomorrow well then that's her problem. I also see no reason she can't spend the night on non school nights. I mean, normal teenagers that would obviously be a huge no, but it's not like you're trying to prevent teen pregnancy now are you lol, it's a bit late for that sentiment.

IMO all you can do is hope to make nice with the guy before she turns 18 and decides to run off with him and disown you guys. I don't think she should be able to do literally whatever she wants, but those type of restrictions are pointless and more harm than good at this point. Try to help her say in school, and become responsible, but she needs to be motivated to help herself and to become a responsible adult for her child's future.

Which brings me to the stuff I agree with akmom about. You need to be pushing her to be responsible and become an adult. Not by enforcing restrictions, but by HELPNG her and giving her ultimatums etc As soon as possible, get her driver's license. She will NEED that. Next she will need money. You should be out driving around with her filling out applications everywhere. That is absolute bull crap when people pull that "she's pregnant, no one will hire her" card. That's absolutely silly and untrue. Maybe your favorite place wont hire you *maybe*, but TONS of places most certainly will. That's a terrible thing to tell anyone, just gives them an excuse not to work or become responsible. Same thing with pregnancy being hard, well yes it is hard but oh well tough cookies you're pregnant of your own accord and now you've got to deal with it! Pregnancy is not a get out of jail free card. I worked until I was 38 weeks pregnant with my second child. Did it suck? Yes. Was I tired, sick, uncomfortable, even in pain? Almost pass out a couple times? Absolutely. But I'm an adult, and I know babies require money, so they are a reason TO work, not to NOT work. So I did it anyway. I can think of several employers just in my immediate area that specifically hire people temporarily because it is convenient or necessary for them and the way they run things. Plenty of places like walmart or mcdonalds don't give two hoots if you're pregnant or leaving tomorrow, they will hire you anyway. Go to a temp agency, they WILL find you something!!! A job is a job. How do you think kids in high school work during the summer? How do college kids have jobs?

Anyway, my point is, find her a job and make her take responsibility for her life. She can pay her own cell phone bill or just not have one, IMO. She's not a child anymore. She will need to buy a car and eventually pay for a place to live, and of course babies require so much that she absolutely needs to be making and saving money for all of these things. There is no reason you and your wife should have to pay for all of that, although I think it's perfectly acceptable for you to help. She should be working hard to do as much as she can for herself IMO, though. Also, there are special classes found through government programs for pregnant teens to teach them how to become responsible and live on their own etc. They can and will actually help them find jobs, learn to save money and pay bills, balance checking accounts, even find them places to live, teach them about childcare, really anything you can think of. Look into these government programs. She should be getting her life together to become a parent, not sitting around rotting in a computer chair playing games or spending all day cuddling with her BF. Adults, parents, don't get to do that.

mom2many · May 22, 2013

The whole the boyfriend is uncomfortable just doesn't fly with me. Sorry it doesn't, if he wants to be a part of the girls life (outside of the child because that is his right) then he needs to man up. He's going to be a dad, he needs to do whatever it is he needs to do.

Now OP that doesn't get you off the hook either. You are the parents need to man up also and recognize that it's to late where this boy is going to be concerned. For the rest of your lives he is going to be a part of it, and he is still a child who's going to be growing up really fast. Same as your DD. If they don't like the rules, which are not so off the wall from a lot of parents, then they know where the door is.

I also still think there are red flags in the relationship, but the best way to have some control is to be involved with them, despite all of your reservations.

Xero · May 22, 2013

I agree the guy obviously has some problems, but I think it's also very clear that we only have one side of the story here. I would sure like to hear the boy's perspective. I am not saying he is right, or okay in the head, or even doing a great job or making the right choices. He might not be. I'm sure it's quite true that he's not perfect. This definitely isn't your picture perfect family, but then this I guess is why teenagers shouldn't be having babies. :/ They will both have a lot LOT of growing up to do...

All I can say is that, at the time I was pregnant with my oldest, if you talked to my parents you would have heard these awful stories about what a bad person my DH was and how they didn't like the way we did things and that our relationship wasn't okay etc, it would have looked a lot like this guy's description. However, if you talked to my DH (not only would 90% of these accusations have been untrue, or from the distant past) you would have known that he was severely depressed and angry over their rejection, he tried his hardest to "man up" and do his best for our future but no attempt could erase the mistakes he made in the past, or their distorted opinion of him, and every time he was allowed over my house my parents harassed him the whole time and made him feel uncomfortable to the point where he literally couldn't handle it, and he stopped coming over all together. After that point, we only saw each other outside of my parents' house, until we moved in together in our own place (because amazingly enough, my DH was the great guy I saw him as, he got a car and saved up money, he went to college and got a degree, and immediately got a good job following graduation, and we have been supporting ourselves ever since). My mom even ruined his entire experience in the delivery room when my oldest was born. My DH will never forgive them for treating him like crap and making him out to be this horrible guy.

So I mean, there's always three sides to every story, your side, their side, and the truth, so I take complaints like this with a grain of salt.

akmom · May 22, 2013

I mean, it is clear even to me (a stranger over the internet reading a couple paragraphs coming from you), that you don't like him and you disapprove of him. I can only imagine how obvious and uncomfortable that is to him, the actual person you're talking about. You really going to tell me that if you knew someone didn't like you, disapproved of the things you have done or have been through, and they made you feel wrong and uncomfortable every time you were around them, you would still come to their house?

This is true, but I'm not sure the OP is out of line. The boy got his teenage daughter pregnant and called his wife a whore. So is he giving off negative vibes? Probably. He's a dad, not a saint. I think it's enough that he's reached out to this boy and at least tried to develop a rapport. An appropriate gesture would be to apologize for the rude remarks, not throw a fit that you don't get to text your pregnant girlfriend all night long. That sounds like poor character. I get that he has gone through some serious struggles and needs support. But it doesn't sound like he's a good influence in the daughter's life. It sounds like she is torn between her parents' rules and his demands, which is probably a very stressful position for her right now. The difference is, her parents have her best interests in mind; the boyfriend seems to be seeking out his immediate needs/wants (for attention, companionship, etc.). I know if my child was in a rough place, and there was someone distracting her from doing the things she needs to do to make her life better (get rest, study, be productive) then I'd want to limit that influence. It's about making sure she is not totally smothered by him, because as a young person she is not always going to have the wisdom to step away and make good decisions. She might text him all night or hang out with him all weekend and totally blow off these other responsibilities, because the communication/companionship is an instant gratification and it takes maturity to choose delayed gratification (like studying, going to bed on time, job searching). Most people who have children as adults have already gotten a taste of independence and the responsibilities that come with it; at her age, she hasn't, so it may take prodding from her parents to make sure she is getting what she needs, even if it conflicts with what her boyfriend wants.

That is absolute bull crap when people pull that "she's pregnant, no one will hire her" card.

Perhaps it is different in other countries, but in the U.S. it's actually illegal to discriminate against someone because they are pregnant. She is not going to get a great job because she is young and under-educated. But that is the reality even after the baby is born. We all take crappy jobs at first, and build up to something better as we pursue our education and demonstrate our work ethic. Any one who expects a great job at age 16 or even age 18 either has great connections or is doomed to disappointment.

TabascoNatalie · May 22, 2013

akmom said:
Perhaps it is different in other countries, but in the U.S. it's actually illegal to discriminate against someone because they are pregnant. She is not going to get a great job because she is young and under-educated. But that is the reality even after the baby is born. We all take crappy jobs at first, and build up to something better as we pursue our education and demonstrate our work ethic. Any one who expects a great job at age 16 or even age 18 either has great connections or is doomed to disappointment.

It is illegal to discriminate as in terms of dismissal. As it comes to not hiring, its all up to an employer. In todays economic climate jobs don't lay around, and employers get hundreds of applications even for crappiest positions. A pregnant underage teen certainly isn't the most desirable prospect employee.

akmom · May 22, 2013

"The Pregnancy Discrimination Act (PDA) forbids discrimination based on pregnancy when it comes to any aspect of employment, including hiring, firing, pay, job assignments, promotions, layoff, training, fringe benefits, such as leave and health insurance, and any other term or condition of employment." -U.S. Equal Opportunity Employment Commission

Xero · May 23, 2013

You make a lot of sense, akmom, I suppose you are right enough about the way the BF is acting getting in the way of her doing better for herself. You make some excellent points. Some of the restrictions seem pointless to me, but yes if I was in his shoes I would make my decisions based on whatever it took to help her become successful.

TabascoNatalie · May 24, 2013

akmom said:
"The Pregnancy Discrimination Act (PDA) forbids discrimination based on pregnancy when it comes to any aspect of employment, including hiring, firing, pay, job assignments, promotions, layoff, training, fringe benefits, such as leave and health insurance, and any other term or condition of employment." -U.S. Equal Opportunity Employment Commission

1. That's theory. In practice, 64 applicants, 1 position. 63 got discriminated in some way.

2. What is a job that she actually CAN do? Underage, unqualified, unskilled, unmotivated. Some kind of manual work. But being pregnant she wouldn't be able to do even that.

3. IMHO, as the baby is on the way, and most likely she won't find employment in near future, its better if he attends some parenting classes or seminars.

4. The boyfriend and wife. Did he call her a whore just out of a blue? Or there was a certain conflict situation prior to that?

Xero · May 24, 2013

TabascoNatalie said:
2. What is a job that she actually CAN do? Underage, unqualified, unskilled, unmotivated. Some kind of manual work. But being pregnant she wouldn't be able to do even that.

Like I said, terrible way of thinking. And she doesn't have to have an ideal job. She can start off with a crappy job for unskilled, unqualified people just like all of us did. Being KIND OF underage (it's very legal to work at 16, just "some" jobs only hire at 18 and up, and it's really not an overwhelming percentage of the job market that does that) gets slightly in the way, but that's the only excuse she kind of has. Unmotivated? That's a personal problem. Time to fix it. Being pregnant should motivate the crap out of a person who has nothing to give their child, if anything.

What can she do while pregnant? Anything I can do. The only thing really left out is like heavy lifting and maybe really difficult, constant physical labor, but I think you'd really have to go out of your way to find a job like that lol. She can be a waitress, she can flip burgers at a fast food place, put subs together at Subway, be a cashier at any given store, stand in a factory on an assembly line. I know several telemarketing places in my area, I imagine they are nearly everywhere lol, where they pay you to sit in a chair on the phone all day. You know, my DH works in a factory and there are pregnant women there working with him all the time, right up until the day they go into labor. Lifting heavy cases, dumping things out, standing all night, fixing machines, doing essentially "manual labor" even while at somewhat of a disadvantage. A normal, healthy pregnancy is NOT a disability. My friend got pregnant last year, not while a teenager, but she was jobless. She went to a temp agency called Infinity Resources, I am sure we are not the only place with temp agencies. They will find you something to do no matter what is "wrong" with you. She worked a couple of different jobs, yeah they weren't perfect, and each time they were temporary, but she was making money. She was able to save up a lot for when the baby came, as well as buy a lot of the things that she would need. Very responsible, motivated thing to do. No reason to think otherwise.

Need some advice on prego 16 and controlling BF...

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