<t>I met my husband three years ago and we have been married nearly a year and have been living together for two.<br/>
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We were both separated for 2 years before we met - I had fallen out of love with my husband and, his wife had left him for another man.<br/>
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When we met he was on good terms with his ex despite having being very hurt by the separation. They have two boys together now aged 17 and 14 and they split their time 50:50 between mum and dad. Mum and dad talked regularly on the phone saw each other regularly and communication was good. I have two children aged 15 and 8 and they have lived with me full time for the last two years as their father now lives in Dubai.<br/>
<br/>
When his ex leaned of the news I had come into his life the trouble started. She immediately insisted on a divorce and told him that she was jealous. She had emotional outbursts with him often, telling him she had always hoped that they would get back together despite still living with the man she left him for.<br/>
<br/>
It was a bit of a shock for me as I really wanted a nice clean start but assumed it would sort itself out. Three months after we met I was forced to take a job in another country and we saw each other only at weekends for 11 months.<br/>
<br/>
During the time I was living away, things were fine between her and him - she assumed that it would not last and could cope in the short term with him having ‘a girlfriend who he only saw at weekends’.<br/>
<br/>
During the 11months I was away I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I felt like my world had fallen apart but he was there for me and asked me to move back and live with him. I sailed through all my chemo thanks to him and my kids.<br/>
<br/>
As soon as it was announced I would be moving in with my kids the trouble really started. She’d be upset on the phone with him telling him she still had hope, she told him she refused to meet me or acknowledge me and asked if they could meet alone on a regular basis. When he didn’t give into her demands she started to use the children against him and me. They were fine at first and then over time, especially when we announced we were getting married did the trouble really start.<br/>
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The youngest boy is naughty, taking advantage of the situation between mum and dad but who can blame him. She refers to the fact that the problems started three years ago… when I met his dad. I am labelled as the one who has caused all the problems…. moving in, changing the house (despite the house being half mine) . The kids have nothing to ‘put on me’ as I am naturally kind and easy going but I think unconsciously they think it’s all my fault as dad and mum were fine before I came along. Their mum has told them how much she doesn’t like me, how much their dad has changed since I came along, that their dad cares more about me etc etc. All in all she’s done a nice number on them. She spoils them rotten with gifts and money and that’s not our style at all. The youngest is now pretty vile to his dad, accusing him of not spending enough money on him etc etc - it’s horrid.<br/>
<br/>
On the contrary, we never bad mouth their mother in front of them as we want the boys to be happy. My husband has always been supportive of her partner despite him running of with her when they were still married - but for him he cares that the boys don’t feel like dad has an issue with mums boyfriend - because my husband is a thoroughly nice guy.<br/>
<br/>
It seems she refuses to accept he has moved on and is happy. She refuses to accept that she is not the most important woman in his life anymore. It seems like she will not stop until she gets him to agree to have regular contact with her. They came to an agreement at one point to talk once a week to do an ‘audit’ of how things were with the youngest, but she would continually go off tangent and bring the conversation back to them. I honestly think this woman sill not stop until she has his back or has split us up and the only weapon left is to use the boys against him. <br/>
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I have not helped. I am usually a cool, easy going individual but this woman has got under my skin. I don’t want him to have contact with her after all she has put us through, everything she has said, how she has manipulated the boys against us. But part of me knows that for a short term quiet life for him it would be best to have contact. The problem is the more we let her have her way the worse it will get. It starts with a weekly phone call and then daily texts and it drives me nuts.<br/>
<br/>
Things are so bad now that my husband wants no contact with her unless it is regarding education, wellbeing and health but she refuses to accept this and now has threatened him with going to court and getting full custody on the basis that it’s not workable the current way with no regular contact between her and him. This would involve the youngest having to decide who to live with and naturally it would be his mum. It seems so unfair to put him through having to make a decision like that just because his mum can’t get her own way.<br/>
<br/>
My husband is so sad and scared. He loves his boys and I don’t think can bear the thought of only seeing them one weekend a month. The oldest starts university in September so that’s not an issue but not seeing the youngest on a regular basis would be awful.<br/>
<br/>
I don’t know what advice to give him as I feel responsible. Part of me thinks it’s just a big threat to scare him into agreeing to have more contact with her but we also know she is so angry, that she is more than capable of doing this to him. I also wonder whether for his son it may be best to live with his mum although it’s hard to suggest that in fear of him thinking that’s what I want but I wonder if maybe quality not quantity may prevail.<br/>
<br/>
We don’t want regular contact with his ex wife, we don’t want to give in to her demands. We want his son to be happy, not to have to hear his mum bad mouthing us all the time and getting caught in the middle. We have no idea how a judge would rule over this but i’d appreciate some constructive feedback from any of you with experience to bear. We also fall under the french judicial system as we live in France. He is French, his ex is French and I am British.<br/>
<br/>
I tried by the way to be amicable at the beginning as I thought that any sane person would want to be on good terms with the woman who shared 50% of their kids life with them but no. She refuses to acknowledge me, and in the beginning when I went to try and talk to her she rudely drove away laughing, leaving me looking like a right banana in the middle of the road in front of her kids…… need I say more..<br/>
<br/>
Yours sad and worried for the man who deserves so so much more.</t>
<br/>
We were both separated for 2 years before we met - I had fallen out of love with my husband and, his wife had left him for another man.<br/>
<br/>
When we met he was on good terms with his ex despite having being very hurt by the separation. They have two boys together now aged 17 and 14 and they split their time 50:50 between mum and dad. Mum and dad talked regularly on the phone saw each other regularly and communication was good. I have two children aged 15 and 8 and they have lived with me full time for the last two years as their father now lives in Dubai.<br/>
<br/>
When his ex leaned of the news I had come into his life the trouble started. She immediately insisted on a divorce and told him that she was jealous. She had emotional outbursts with him often, telling him she had always hoped that they would get back together despite still living with the man she left him for.<br/>
<br/>
It was a bit of a shock for me as I really wanted a nice clean start but assumed it would sort itself out. Three months after we met I was forced to take a job in another country and we saw each other only at weekends for 11 months.<br/>
<br/>
During the time I was living away, things were fine between her and him - she assumed that it would not last and could cope in the short term with him having ‘a girlfriend who he only saw at weekends’.<br/>
<br/>
During the 11months I was away I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I felt like my world had fallen apart but he was there for me and asked me to move back and live with him. I sailed through all my chemo thanks to him and my kids.<br/>
<br/>
As soon as it was announced I would be moving in with my kids the trouble really started. She’d be upset on the phone with him telling him she still had hope, she told him she refused to meet me or acknowledge me and asked if they could meet alone on a regular basis. When he didn’t give into her demands she started to use the children against him and me. They were fine at first and then over time, especially when we announced we were getting married did the trouble really start.<br/>
<br/>
The youngest boy is naughty, taking advantage of the situation between mum and dad but who can blame him. She refers to the fact that the problems started three years ago… when I met his dad. I am labelled as the one who has caused all the problems…. moving in, changing the house (despite the house being half mine) . The kids have nothing to ‘put on me’ as I am naturally kind and easy going but I think unconsciously they think it’s all my fault as dad and mum were fine before I came along. Their mum has told them how much she doesn’t like me, how much their dad has changed since I came along, that their dad cares more about me etc etc. All in all she’s done a nice number on them. She spoils them rotten with gifts and money and that’s not our style at all. The youngest is now pretty vile to his dad, accusing him of not spending enough money on him etc etc - it’s horrid.<br/>
<br/>
On the contrary, we never bad mouth their mother in front of them as we want the boys to be happy. My husband has always been supportive of her partner despite him running of with her when they were still married - but for him he cares that the boys don’t feel like dad has an issue with mums boyfriend - because my husband is a thoroughly nice guy.<br/>
<br/>
It seems she refuses to accept he has moved on and is happy. She refuses to accept that she is not the most important woman in his life anymore. It seems like she will not stop until she gets him to agree to have regular contact with her. They came to an agreement at one point to talk once a week to do an ‘audit’ of how things were with the youngest, but she would continually go off tangent and bring the conversation back to them. I honestly think this woman sill not stop until she has his back or has split us up and the only weapon left is to use the boys against him. <br/>
<br/>
I have not helped. I am usually a cool, easy going individual but this woman has got under my skin. I don’t want him to have contact with her after all she has put us through, everything she has said, how she has manipulated the boys against us. But part of me knows that for a short term quiet life for him it would be best to have contact. The problem is the more we let her have her way the worse it will get. It starts with a weekly phone call and then daily texts and it drives me nuts.<br/>
<br/>
Things are so bad now that my husband wants no contact with her unless it is regarding education, wellbeing and health but she refuses to accept this and now has threatened him with going to court and getting full custody on the basis that it’s not workable the current way with no regular contact between her and him. This would involve the youngest having to decide who to live with and naturally it would be his mum. It seems so unfair to put him through having to make a decision like that just because his mum can’t get her own way.<br/>
<br/>
My husband is so sad and scared. He loves his boys and I don’t think can bear the thought of only seeing them one weekend a month. The oldest starts university in September so that’s not an issue but not seeing the youngest on a regular basis would be awful.<br/>
<br/>
I don’t know what advice to give him as I feel responsible. Part of me thinks it’s just a big threat to scare him into agreeing to have more contact with her but we also know she is so angry, that she is more than capable of doing this to him. I also wonder whether for his son it may be best to live with his mum although it’s hard to suggest that in fear of him thinking that’s what I want but I wonder if maybe quality not quantity may prevail.<br/>
<br/>
We don’t want regular contact with his ex wife, we don’t want to give in to her demands. We want his son to be happy, not to have to hear his mum bad mouthing us all the time and getting caught in the middle. We have no idea how a judge would rule over this but i’d appreciate some constructive feedback from any of you with experience to bear. We also fall under the french judicial system as we live in France. He is French, his ex is French and I am British.<br/>
<br/>
I tried by the way to be amicable at the beginning as I thought that any sane person would want to be on good terms with the woman who shared 50% of their kids life with them but no. She refuses to acknowledge me, and in the beginning when I went to try and talk to her she rudely drove away laughing, leaving me looking like a right banana in the middle of the road in front of her kids…… need I say more..<br/>
<br/>
Yours sad and worried for the man who deserves so so much more.</t>
