Older Son and my Credit Cards...

[bill1971]

Hello again, same guy with the son with no car. We sort of resolved the other issue and he is now taking the bus most of the way to work. I now found out after having my credit run that he has been using 2 credit cards in my name and have racked up over 5000 dollars in 2 cards. My score dropped over 100 points. I don't want to file legal action, one card is letting my do a Restitution so it goes in his name. The other one I will have to make him repay and quickly.

Am I being too nice? It seems like there is always an issue. He is 25 years old, so it's not like he is naive.

Thank you.

 

[page16]

I remember about the car.. by the sounds of it, yes you are far too nice. At 25 he should not be using your money, period. 25 is an age where a person needs to stand on his own legs. If he has been using your credit cards without asking, that's even worse. Cancel them and get new ones. Work out a payment plan with him to pay back the $5,000.
I think it's in your hands and under your control, as long as you put a stop to it and make it very clear that absolutely nothing else is to be had from you until the credit card money is paid back.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

How did he do that? Did you give him access to your bank account? Pin numbers? Ipad? What did he buy?

 

[bill1971]

No I didn't give him access, but living in the same home for 12 years I guess info isn't hidden. Nor did I think it would have to be. He bought things like concert tickets, gas, amazon stuff, Web sites access.

 

[artmom]

It's fraud. It's up to you on how to handle the situation with your credit cards. My only advice on that is to speak to a financial counsellor if you haven't done so already. But it sounds like he may have a spending problem or another issue with stealing identity and credit fraud. If it's not your credit it's going to be someone else.
Credit cards are not always clear , cut and simple for young adults. The age of the 20's is about just as awkward as the teens years. When you're in your 30's it gets better. But if he is having issues on how to conduct himself and independence then there could be another underlying issue. It could obsessive compulsion or something else.
I know he's an adult but parenting still matters beyond childhood.
For now, make sure the onus is on him for his fraud. Whatever happens to him is a result of his actions.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

No offense, but this is bonkers.
Did you only notice when 5K had evaporated?
I see my account balance every time i login to online banking or a cashpoint. Get statements posted monthly. Any discrepancy is visible there and then.

 

[cybele]

Yeah I'm with Natalie on this one... how did you not notice?

 

[TabascoNatalie]

Can buy a couple of cars for 5K...

 

[bill1971]

The way I didnt notice is because I didnt have the cards in my possession. There were 2 credit cards and since they were paperless, I never saw them come in the mail and he used his phone number so any late past due calls would go to him. If someone set up an account with your ss# and name, you wouldn't know unless you ran a credit report like I did.

One bank is letting me do a restitution where after I sign an affidavit, it gets put in his name. The other one he will just have to pay off. The thing that stinks if I was running my credit to do a loan consolidation that would have saved over 100 dollars a month.

I agree parenting still has to be done and he does have a major problem and I think/hope he has remorse, but he also has to pay the consequences.

 

[cybele]

Wait wait wait... he set up credit cards in your name? They weren't even your cards that he pinched out of your wallet or something?

You need to get the police involved now. I understand he's family, but that is a serious crime.

On another note... is that something you can do in America? Here you need 100pts of ID to set up a credit card and at least one of those needs to be photo ID.

 

[bill1971]

They were cards closed already or so I thought. Yes it still is a felony and if I wanted I could probably get him put in jail. I don't want to do that. As you say it's family. Even though it shows a complete lack of disrespect.

 

[cybele]

That makes no sense. You can't just start using a closed card, it's closed. You need to re-apply and have a new card, complete with new card number issued for security purposes.

 

[bill1971]

I don't know the particulars. According to the credit card companies when I called them, they said the cards account numbers were changed and the phone number was his. I had one of the cards 2 years ago to buy an airline ticket because I got a discount. I paid it off the next month then never thought about it since. There was zero balance. The other card I opened to get a discount at Sears to get something free. Once again I paid it off and figured I didn't have to worry about it.

My guess is something came in the mail trying to get me to use it again and he took advantage. I am generally pretty naive so I thought I would have nothing to worry about. When my credit was run about a year ago or less it was good enough to get my a grwst percentage on a car and because of this I can't even get approved for debt consolidation. So my 2 concerns now are to make sure it doesn't happen again and to get it fixed.

 

[cybele]

You need to speak to the bank because something very wrong happened there.

You cannot re open a closed credit card for privacy and legal reasons, a new account must be created, photo identification with a matching signature MUST be shown, so either something isn't quite right with this story, or you need to take your bank to whatever governing body takes care of breech of privacy for bank issues where you are, because if what you are saying is true, that is flat out illegal from both your step son AND the bank.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

Agree with Cybele. Something is very very weird here in terms of banking. If your stepson can fleece your bank account just like this, it means anyone else can.

Ok, you don't have the cards, but can't you still see your account details online or get bank statements posted to you?

 

[bill1971]

It's not my bank account. It's credit cards I used once for a special offer, paid off and never used again. I am handling it with the card companies. Maybe a letter was sent offering me another deal on the card or whatever. The point is he spent 3000 on one card and 2000 on another. I just wanted to know if I'm being too nice about it. I appreciate people looking out for me financially.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

Ah, got it now. Something like payday loans. They give out cash too easily and then rake up profits by getting people in deep sh*t financially.

 

[artmom]

It's not my bank account. It's credit cards I used once for a special offer, paid off and never used again. I am handling it with the card companies. Maybe a letter was sent offering me another deal on the card or whatever. The point is he spent 3000 on one card and 2000 on another. I just wanted to know if I'm being too nice about it. I appreciate people looking out for me financially.

At that point, I think you are being too nice. It's fraud and identity theft. I've had someone steal my Hydro account or use it for their address in my name. I don't know how they did it. Probably stole it from my mail as the building I was living in had a problem with people breaking into mailboxes and stealing mail. So that is one possibility. Anyways, I ended up finding out when I went to open an account for a new address after not having to pay hydro for a few months. I had already paid of my old account so I was shocked to find I had to pay some $200 for an address I had never lived at. Weird part was they didn't have my old address on file and they refused to do anything about it or investigate into it. This was about a decade ago. I was forced to pay off what the con built up in debt and more recently, this year, as I was talking to a creditor, they asked if I had ever lived at some address I never lived at. I told them no and they were like, "oh okay, that's fine. Thank you." Looks like that person may still be trying to use my I.D. for stuff.
Not trying to hijack your thread, I just wanted to add my experience so you won't feel like your alone in this. It's so common and I think parents are the most susceptible because your kids have the easiest access and most of the info on you. Your writing may even be similar to your kids. Of course there is always a difference, but it can be alike enough to forge a signature.
Not all of our kids are going to be doing this to us. I think your son may need to a specialist. If you press charges you can work something out with the judge to get him some help. But I don't think this should be completely left up to you to handle.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

I'd say tell him to move out. He stole from you. He can't be trusted. After all, he's not a teenager being stupid. He's an adult.

 

[bill1971]

After some more phone calls, like I don't have enough on my plate, both banks can deal with him directly. I'm speaking with fraud.

Kicking him out would be tempting but he has no where to go and no car. Plus if we kick him out his problems may get alot worse.