Only children...

[MomoJA]

I think a number of us have only one child, and I think everyone would agree there are unique parenting issues in this case. I have lots of questions related to this, but this week I discovered what must be the greatest benefit of having only one child - no tattling!

I was looking after my niece and two nephews while their parents were traveling. My daughter and my niece are only 5 months apart and have always played amazingly well and still do. However, they have their little spats, which I'm sure they resolve quickly and satisfactorily when I'm not nearby, but all weekend my niece was running to me every few minutes to tell on my daughter. At first I tried to resolve things, but finally I just backed off and let them handle things on their own. It didn't stop the tattling though.

Do you have an only child and do you have any concerns or observations you'd like to share?

 

[Trina]

Most kids go through a tattling stage at about 4-6 yrs. of age. Just because your daughter isn't tattling now doesn't mean she won't. I don't think it necessarily has anything to do with being an only child.

 

[IADad]

Most kids go through a tattling stage at about 4-6 yrs. of age. Just because your daughter isn't tattling now doesn't mean she won't. I don't think it necessarily has anything to do with being an only child.

the opportunities are just decreased since there's no sibling present....so the propensity to tattle is maybe the same just not the same frequency.

 

[MomoJA]

Oh, I have no doubt my daughter tattles at school, but she has no one to tattle about at home, and that was my point.

 

[yeojungi]

I see your point! Being the only one, mine doesn't get to tattle very much. She doesn't report to me who got in to trouble in school. I know many kids do.

I have a concern related to having an only child. She doesn't get to experience/ practice conflict resolution. The only person she can have a conflict at home is me. Most of the time, it's me lecturing her what is wrong although I do apologize when necessary. if she had a sibling, they would have a fight and I would have an opportunity to teach them how to think from the other's perspective. That, my kid doesn't get.

An advantage of an only child... I would say it's the level of attention she gets at home. She has a variety of interest and I can expose her to almost everything she wishes to learn about and help her learn further about topics she cares about. If I had another child, that'd be simply impossible. So, having the opportunity to learn widely and deeply is certainly a big advantage.

I also have many thoughts and am willing to share it little by little. Can't wait to hear what you all have to say!

 

[Step23]

While I'm not a parent (I'm a stepmother), I am an "only," and was raised as one at a time when it was considered extremely selfish of parents to have only one child. The comment about conflict resolution struck me, as it was something I had not really thought about all that much. However, I do remember that my friends who did have siblings seemed to bicker and fuss an awful lot. The dynamic confused me - still does to this day: how two people can fight so fiercely with each one moment, and turn around a few moments later and be completely devoted to each other. That has never made sense to me, and it stems directly from the sibling dynamic.

That has played over into how I resolve conflicts as an adult. When I find myself in a position of conflict, I'm more comfortable cooling off first, then talking it over and working things out. I've always distrusted people who "blow up" and get very argumentative and then want to turn around and tell me how much they like/love me.

Of course, this is me - I'm not sure if all "onlies" feel the same way!

 

[kara]

While I'm not a parent (I'm a stepmother), I am an "only," and was raised as one at a time when it was considered extremely selfish of parents to have only one child. The comment about conflict resolution struck me, as it was something I had not really thought about all that much. However, I do remember that my friends who did have siblings seemed to bicker and fuss an awful lot. The dynamic confused me - still does to this day: how two people can fight so fiercely with each one moment, and turn around a few moments later and be completely devoted to each other. That has never made sense to me, and it stems directly from the sibling dynamic.

That has played over into how I resolve conflicts as an adult. When I find myself in a position of conflict, I'm more comfortable cooling off first, then talking it over and working things out. I've always distrusted people who "blow up" and get very argumentative and then want to turn around and tell me how much they like/love me.

Of course, this is me - I'm not sure if all "onlies" feel the same way!

That funny because I am also an only (now have 5 stepbrothers, but they only came along when I was 20, so it doesn't count!) and I am the opposite of you. I'm the one likely to blow up and then, having said my piece, feel better and I'm ready to love you again! However, I will second that sibling dynamic. It is interesting to see how siblings fight and argue and then turn around and stand up for each other.

 

[scoobymom]

My Daughter is an only and I don't think she tattles but she has a sense of security with me and tells me an awful lot of stuff from school. I also noticed that I had to teach her not to tattle too much when she was in elementary school, she tended to do that. They (onlys) don't learn its really not okay to tattle at home and had to learn it somewhere.

 

[znljubica]

One child is not enough. The child will not have a brother or sister, which is a big loss.

 

[scoobymom]

One is Plenty in many cases...

I have 8 yes, EIGHT brothers and sisters and I am not close to any of them. ZERO...

My 12 year old is an only kid and I joke that I am going to adopt a boy and she gets very indignant and not happy with that thought.

One is plenty and wonderul and it is no loss at all.

Every family is different and so is every situation.

Its like saying having no father or two fathers or two mothers or... whatever is "a loss".

Not at all. Life come in all different shapes and sizes and should not be viewed as losses!!!!!:cute:

 

[nekom]

I have an only child, and I think one of the unique concerns is teaching them that the world does NOT revolve around them. It's no wonder they think it does, they get ALL of the love and attention. I have found that sending her to preschool has helped that A LOT. It has taught her that there are other kids out there, and while she may be the central focus of our household, in the rest of the world, she has to share and take turns. I would STRONGLY recommend pre-school to any parent of a single child. Though I'd pretty much recommend it to anyone, it's been a very positive experience for my daughter.