our son always refers to me as mom?...

[justme18]

Well my bf has a son named Nicky with an ex gf. She's absent. I started dating him shortly after. I was 17 at the time. We'd been friends since we were 10 year old boy scouts. We've moved in together since the break up. Nicky has grown up with only knowing of us to be his parents. As he's gotten older he's calls Josh 'dad'. And me 'mom'. I've corrected him but it's still like he reverts to it. Anyone else dealt with any advice?

 

[mom2many]

I see nothing wrong with him calling you mom. You are by all intents and purposes his mom. If he is choosing to call you mom, then he loves and respects you enough to give you that title.

Let him decide what is appropriate for him, at this point you will always have a role in his life...how could you not?

 

[Xero]

I agree that I think its okay, especially if biological mom is out of the picture, and also if you're pretty sure you'll be sticking around in his life. If bio mom was still in the picture, I would suggest maybe allowing him to call you mom but maybe a slight variation to avoid confusion. But like M2M said, in every other way but the way he was born, you are mom to him! As long as it doesn't bother anyone else, don't let it bother you.

 

[justme18]

I agree that I think its okay, especially if biological mom is out of the picture, and also if you're pretty sure you'll be sticking around in his life. If bio mom was still in the picture, I would suggest maybe allowing him to call you mom but maybe a slight variation to avoid confusion. But like M2M said, in every other way but the way he was born, you are mom to him! As long as it doesn't bother anyone else, don't let it bother you.

I just wonder if she'll come by then this could be totally confusing.

 

[Xero]

Well just to be safe, if you think there's a possibility of her coming around, you could try to encourage him to use a slight variation. Like maybe using your first name? You could include an extra letter or part of your name onto the end of mom somehow, that way there is still a distinction. Just make sure it flows ok and its not too hard for him to say/remember.

 

[singledad]

Well my bf has a son named Nicky with an ex gf. She's absent. I started dating him shortly after. I was 17 at the time. We'd been friends since we were 10 year old boy scouts. We've moved in together since the break up. Nicky has grown up with only knowing of us to be his parents. As he's gotten older he's calls Josh 'dad'. And me 'mom'. I've corrected him but it's still like he reverts to it. Anyone else dealt with any advice?

My DD calls her pre-school teacher "mom". It worried me in the beginning, because I didn't think it was healthy, but I went to speak to the teacher in question and she told me that its quite common for little kids who don't spend a lot of time with their mothers to latch onto another female like that.

"Mom" is a title he has given you, that indicates that he loves and respects you, and that he looks up to you. Obviously you're doing something right

If you're worried that she could come back into his life and cause confusion, perhaps follow Xero's advice and have her use a combination of mom and your name, like her bio mom is "mommy" and you're "mommy justme18", KWIM? That's more or less what we've now taught my DD to call her teacher, to avoid things getting complicated when she changes teachers...

 

[TabascoNatalie]

don't over-analyze things. myself i used to call my aunt and uncle as mommy and daddy, when i was staying with them and my two cousins. They called them mommy and daddy, so i did to. would have been strange (for me then) to address them as auntie and uncle, when they were mommy and daddy for my cousins.
i guess, the adults got some second thoughts, and started asking me questions, like -- so who is your mommy after all? I said this one is my real mommy (my mother), and this is my half-mommy (my aunt). Then they really got confused and tried to explain what relatives actually mean. LOL! I was about 6 years old

 

[xox.ilu.xox]

I think its perfectly normal!! Dont let it worry you too much, especially since you've basically been his mother from the get-go!

 

[buddylovebabi]

Personally I think that 2 facts alone justify the child calling you mom/dad/papa/ma/mam/mum/da/daddy/mommy/nana/papi/mami/ any other name you can think of for a parental figure.
Fact 1: that you call him "our son"
Fact 2: He wants to

Maybe just consider chagning it a little, like have him able to call his biological mom "ma" or "mami" should she ever return. or vice versa, refer to the childs mother as only "mother" or "mom" and you as something less conventional.

 

[gillypkk]

its lovely that he wants to call you mom and the fact you refer to him as our son shows that you love him as much as he loves you.

if you have raised him since he was a baby then its only natural. like the others have suggested why not try to get him to call you a variation of mom like mommy *your name*?

 

[gmamma]

Be careful! His biological mom may not be in his life at the moment. However, you are not married to his dad. You, for all legal purposes, have no claim on him. You may love him but bottom line is you have no legal claim over him. What will happen if/when you break up with your bf? I don't mean to sound negative but there is a child involved and you should be prepared. Unless there is some way you can adopt him, he can be completely stripped from your life and there would be nothing you can do about it. An innocent child would be hurt right along with you. Also, if you were to try to adopt him, his biological mom would either have to be proven unfit(if she hasn't been around, it can be proven) or willingly give up her rights. I don't know how old he is, but if he is a teenager and his biological mom shows up, i doubt very seriously if he'd willingly call her mom anyway since she's never done anything for him. However, a nickname/title should be secondary to the feelings this boy has for you. What would happen if you were stripped from him? Right now, you are a glorified babysitter as far as your rights to him go. I think it's important that he understand that you are not his real mother but you love him as a son. A nickname is just that, a nickname. It's the emotions behind it that are important.

 

[kathywhite]

Well my bf has a son named Nicky with an ex gf. She's absent. I started dating him shortly after. I was 17 at the time. We'd been friends since we were 10 year old boy scouts. We've moved in together since the break up. Nicky has grown up with only knowing of us to be his parents. As he's gotten older he's calls Josh 'dad'. And me 'mom'. I've corrected him but it's still like he reverts to it. Anyone else dealt with any advice?

sounds lovely - and if you are "correcting" him sounds like you aren't sure it's so lovely? I would sit and chat and see what and why you get to be called MOM, and what Nicky thinks of you being called that - what is it that MOMs do...and what you want to be called and how aren't you his MOM. If he has "grown up knowing you to be his parents" from his perspective, Mom is the logical name for you. I'm sure you want him to know you aren't his biological mom and that's clear, but otherwise sounds like you are Mom ?

 

[artygard]

Its because you've been there in the early years of his life. Its really only natural that he calls you mom, since you are his mother figure