My wife and I just joined this forum today and we are desiring to participate and to learn from this community as we raise our two boys, age 8 and 11.
The issue that sparked our finding this community is what happened this past saturday. Our son, 11, has always been competitive throughout his entire life. Competetive at everything. And he has participated in sports through the years - flag football, soccer, track and field, and now swimming. We have always allowed him to pick the sport and he has bounced from sport to sport. And some of that has been dictated by where we live and what is available, including that sports are for the entire school year. This past saturday was his first swim meet. He was very nervous and was anxious for the meet before he went.
One important detail that impacts our son and our family is that we live in Spain, so he is participating in this sport in a second language.
His race was the 75m freestyle and in his age group he is one of the youngest based upon his bday. Here in Spain, you only swim one event and they dictate what this is for each age group. Don't ask me why!
When our son dove in the water to start the race he swam the first 25m of the pool and as he got to the wall, HE GAVE UP. At this point we was in last place and he said later that he knew it. He feigned injury, and left the water. He later admitted that he did not injure his ankle. But said that he could not breath due to his nervousness. We believe him, but we also think it has to do with his fear of coming in last place because of past decisions.
He has cried wolf before, during track season he would feign injury and give up when he saw that he would not win. He worked through that, but the cycle seems to be repeating during swim season.
Any thoughts or suggestions?
Any patterns that we as parents need to be aware of that we could be doing which create this in our child?
I should also say, right now he wants to quit which is understandable because of the shame factor. His next practice is today and his coach will ask him how his ankle is doing, so he knows that he has to be honest and come clean.
Thanks for your thoughts!
The issue that sparked our finding this community is what happened this past saturday. Our son, 11, has always been competitive throughout his entire life. Competetive at everything. And he has participated in sports through the years - flag football, soccer, track and field, and now swimming. We have always allowed him to pick the sport and he has bounced from sport to sport. And some of that has been dictated by where we live and what is available, including that sports are for the entire school year. This past saturday was his first swim meet. He was very nervous and was anxious for the meet before he went.
One important detail that impacts our son and our family is that we live in Spain, so he is participating in this sport in a second language.
His race was the 75m freestyle and in his age group he is one of the youngest based upon his bday. Here in Spain, you only swim one event and they dictate what this is for each age group. Don't ask me why!
When our son dove in the water to start the race he swam the first 25m of the pool and as he got to the wall, HE GAVE UP. At this point we was in last place and he said later that he knew it. He feigned injury, and left the water. He later admitted that he did not injure his ankle. But said that he could not breath due to his nervousness. We believe him, but we also think it has to do with his fear of coming in last place because of past decisions.
He has cried wolf before, during track season he would feign injury and give up when he saw that he would not win. He worked through that, but the cycle seems to be repeating during swim season.
Any thoughts or suggestions?
Any patterns that we as parents need to be aware of that we could be doing which create this in our child?
I should also say, right now he wants to quit which is understandable because of the shame factor. His next practice is today and his coach will ask him how his ankle is doing, so he knows that he has to be honest and come clean.
Thanks for your thoughts!
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