pants wetting...

[Hazel Carolina]

my son Ethan is 5 and is fully toilet trained but lately every time he gets in trouble for not listening or for hitting or anything like that (he is full of energy and a little hard to control at times) he threatens me with peeing his pants, if i continue to punish him he goes through with it... it has only been since he started kindergarden that this behaviour has started. i don't know how to stop this behaviour

 

[Xero]

Wow! I don't know if I've heard that one yet haha. I'd be willing to bet he learned it off of another kid at school. Its crazy what kids can learn off of each other. I guess to start I personally would have a long serious talk with him about why its not okay, and its not healthy to pee your pants. Its not okay because he is a big boy, and big boys just do not do that, and also because its very mean to hurt someone's feelings on purpose, and it can make his clothes smell bad too. Its not healthy because its bad for your skin and can give you a rash, its gross and when he does it, it will make him all dirty. I would tell him that you should never do gross things to yourself on purpose. Other things could easily be added to this talk as well, use your imagination and the familiarity you have with him that I don't haha.

After I got that through to him, I wouldn't acknoweledge his threads to me with anything more than "That's yucky, and it would hurt mommy's feelings, but if you're going to do it anyway you're going to clean yourself up". If he actually went through with it, I would have him take his own clothes off and wash himself off in the bath tub etc and put clean clothes on by himself afterwards, and then when he was done with that I would probably have him help me clean his dirty laundry. If he got any on the floor, I would have him wipe it up or help me scrub it up. Basically I just wouldn't let him get away with it without taking care of it himself afterwards. I think its fair enough. I'm all for helping kids through accidents, but if they do it on purpose then its a different story. And if you keep up with it, I'm sure he'll get tired of all the work involved with peeing your pants to get back at mom pretty quickly.

 

[CJK]

i agree with Xero -
part of how I disciplined my kids was with natural consequences - you pee in your pants on purpose? you need to clean it up. you hit the neighbor's mailbox because you were changing the radio while driving? you pay to get the car fixed, and help her fix her mailbox.

 

[Hazel Carolina]

haha i hope the children are different ages in your peeing your pants/driving story lol

yeah i have been making him clean it up after himself when he does it on purpose. which is every time, he doesn't have "accidents" any more and hasn't for a very long time it's only when he wants to teach mummy a lesson.

i agree Xero that he picked it up from someone at school it is just frustrating though because it wasn't really anything i expected and now it is hard to deal with because i know he is doing it because it upsets me to see it.

 

[IADad]

what about letting him stay in the wet clothes? What more natural consequnce than that? That would show that he's not hurting anyone but himself...expecially if it's in a social setting...

not saying it's the first course of action, but if it escalates it might be worth considering (no matter how gross)

 

[Hazel Carolina]

i thought about doing that but i can't stand the thought of having urine stuck to his skin for a long time, its just too un hygienic.

 

[Xero]

I agree, it does sound like appropriate punishment, and if it were me it would definitely be tempting, but I'm a HUGE germ freak and it would probably drive me much crazier than it would drive my kid haha. Plus he'd be wanting to sit on the furniture and everything else, I just can't see it working out very well.

 

[singledad]

Well, obviously he has found a way to manipulate you. :/

Have you considered increasing the punishment he was about to receive if he does that? eg, if you're taking away a toy, peeing your pants will result in two toys being taken away, etc. The message is that if you try to manipulate mommy into not punishing you, you only make it worse for yourself.

Also - I think it would help if you do not show that you are upset at all. If he can't upset you with it, it serves no purpose. So his wet pants need to be 100% HIS problem, not yours...

 

[Hazel Carolina]

the doubling the punishment idea is pretty good i might use that... so he doesn't get his way at all maybe it will work... fingers crossed right

 

[IADad]

yeah, I definitely concur about you don't want him sitting with pee on the furniture etc. I don't think I'd worry about hygiene too much it's not like you're going to let him sit in it for days.

But the idea is to turn the tables on him. When Xero said, "you made mommy sad..." or whatever the exact wording was, a light went off in my head, that's exactly what he's trying to do, so figure out a way to show him the only person he's hurting is himself...so, not matter what you end up doing that's the thought I'd keep in mind.

 

[Xero]

I agree, that makes a lot of sense! I'm thinking if you just tell him the consequences (i.e. original punishment doubled, plus cleaning himself up) and then shrug it off, it will probably lose its luster for him.

 

[Hazel Carolina]

thank you all for your advice. i have used this punishment twice already " if you wee your pant's mummy will take two of your toys away instead of one" and then he did and i took the two toys away. i have done it twice. fingers crossed it works in the long term

 

[singledad]

How did he react to loosing two toys? Do you think it will work?

Keep us posted!

 

[3sACrowd228]

i hope its working otherwise there are other options like

"If you pee your pants like a baby then i`ll treat you like a baby". Its just a suggestion but keep doing what your doing now and it will surely work.

 

[Hazel Carolina]

he didn't like that i took away two toys and he didn't like when i marched him to the bathroom and told him to take his clothes off and clean himself up or when i gave him the mop and asked him to clean up his own mess (which he just spread around but that wasn't really the point) i felt really cruel in doing it but he actually hasn't done it since. just those two times so far so hopefully it's getting through to him.

 

[Xero]

There's nothing cruel about making him clean up after himself! It is a very fair life lesson, I think. And its okay if he just pushed it around, its the thought that counts haha. As long as he has to make an effort. I know I would feel the same way if I were you though. I hate making my son unhappy!

I'd bet he is learning very quickly that its not very fun for him to pee his pants on purpose. It sucks feeling mean to teach him, but I think its worth it. It is definitely with his best interests in mind.

 

[Hazel Carolina]

he did it again this morning because i wouldn't take him to hungry jacks for breakfast before school so i said now there will be no hungry jacks at all for two weeks (he usually gets it once a week) and got him to clean up after himself again. i am trying to keep strong and consistent but i do hate making him unhappy. but this is only the 3rd time since i have started. i used to have up to 4 per day

 

[Antoinette]

sorry to be so late onto this one lol.. i always disappear from here when there are questions i can actually help with lol.

we have a boy at work (i work in children's services) who does this exact same thing. he is a little younger than Ethan. he is just over 3 but it used to be every time he got punished he would start wet his pants but it has morphed into every time he doesn't get his way. his mother has these things called "chocolate tools" i think its chocolate shaped as hammers, and pliers etc. but if he goes a whole week with no wet pants then he gets chocolate tools and of he doesn't then they stay up until next week. it seems to be working quite well.

 

[singledad]

I know you feel awful - I also feel like a monster when I have to be strict with my daughter, but you have to do it. Its in his own best interest. So stay strong, stay consistent, and hopefully you will win this fight. It sounds like you're making progress already.

 

[Hazel Carolina]

I hope i am. i am making sure i stick to this one form of punishment so it doesn't confuse him and it seems to be working. i hope it just continues to