I really, really need advice about my inlaws! My husband and I are planning our first baby, and while I am not pregnant, I am very worried about an issue with my uncle-in-law. You see, he molested his two step daughters (he is still married to their mother). The molestation occured over a decade ago. I am told that it occured over a very short period of time before the man became disturbed and disgusted with himself, and he then sought counseling and conquered this issue. I am told he never molested them again after counseling, and his younger blood daughter and son he never molested. He is now a deacon at his church and is extremely religious. My problem is, I do not want the man to be alone with my child, EVER. My problem is compounded because all of my inlaws on that branch of the family live on the same property. They are all neighbors in separate houses on the same property. The grandmother lives in the center, in a house to the side lives that uncle with wife and two youngest children, and on the other side a different aunt and uncle, and closest to the grandmother lives my husband's mother.
The entire family sees this man as a changed man. I have never spoken to them about the uncle, but I know their personality. I have seen a druggie play them over by claiming to be saved by Jesus, and he stayed with them for a while milking them for all he could get, and then he left never returning any gratitude to them. Since this uncle is blood, I know they would defend his good name to the bitter end. I tried talking to my husband about it, and my husband insisted his uncle was a "changed man" and that he would "never touch our children". When I told my husband flatly I would not want our children alone with him, my husband retorted that he did not want to talk about his until I was actually pregnant.
Try to understand that I was molested as a child by my cousin at age 10 and also raped (meaning he penetrated me) by my middle aged baby sitter at age six. I was best friends with my cousin when he molested me. I know devil's come in the clothing of angels. I do not want my uncle in law to "relapse" with my children. I do not want them to experience the hell I did. To make matters even worse, my in laws do not know that I know my uncle-in-law molested his step-daughters. I worry they will not respect and honor my request for the child to never be alone with him, so I fear ever letting my child spend the night with grandma and great grandma alone since the uncle lives on the same property. At the same time, I do not want to hurt my mother-in-law and grandma-in-law's feelings. I want my children to be able to happily spend the night at grandma and great grandma's.
I know my in-laws will brush this all off as him being "a changed man saved by Jesus"... They've done this to me in the past on less important issues. I plan on simply telling the uncle's wife flat out "No" with the baby sitting without even giving a reason why, because frankly, I do not need to give her a reason. I will never drop my child off directly at the uncle's house alone. But the fact that he lives on the same property with the others complicates things so much! I do not know what to do and it is stressing me out!
To top it off, my husband and I think I may be pregnant. We're just waiting to take a test because it is too early still to get a correct reading. What should I do? How should I approach this? Is there an appropriate age I could leave my child with grandma and great grandma with him or her being old enough to know not to go along with the uncle's "games"? Or should I simply never leave my kid alone on the property ever? Also, should I approach my in laws about this, or just simply never leave them there unsupervised? I don't think my husband will even let me broach the subject with them because he has already hinted that he doesn't want me discussing it with them. What do you guys think?
The entire family sees this man as a changed man. I have never spoken to them about the uncle, but I know their personality. I have seen a druggie play them over by claiming to be saved by Jesus, and he stayed with them for a while milking them for all he could get, and then he left never returning any gratitude to them. Since this uncle is blood, I know they would defend his good name to the bitter end. I tried talking to my husband about it, and my husband insisted his uncle was a "changed man" and that he would "never touch our children". When I told my husband flatly I would not want our children alone with him, my husband retorted that he did not want to talk about his until I was actually pregnant.
Try to understand that I was molested as a child by my cousin at age 10 and also raped (meaning he penetrated me) by my middle aged baby sitter at age six. I was best friends with my cousin when he molested me. I know devil's come in the clothing of angels. I do not want my uncle in law to "relapse" with my children. I do not want them to experience the hell I did. To make matters even worse, my in laws do not know that I know my uncle-in-law molested his step-daughters. I worry they will not respect and honor my request for the child to never be alone with him, so I fear ever letting my child spend the night with grandma and great grandma alone since the uncle lives on the same property. At the same time, I do not want to hurt my mother-in-law and grandma-in-law's feelings. I want my children to be able to happily spend the night at grandma and great grandma's.
I know my in-laws will brush this all off as him being "a changed man saved by Jesus"... They've done this to me in the past on less important issues. I plan on simply telling the uncle's wife flat out "No" with the baby sitting without even giving a reason why, because frankly, I do not need to give her a reason. I will never drop my child off directly at the uncle's house alone. But the fact that he lives on the same property with the others complicates things so much! I do not know what to do and it is stressing me out!
To top it off, my husband and I think I may be pregnant. We're just waiting to take a test because it is too early still to get a correct reading. What should I do? How should I approach this? Is there an appropriate age I could leave my child with grandma and great grandma with him or her being old enough to know not to go along with the uncle's "games"? Or should I simply never leave my kid alone on the property ever? Also, should I approach my in laws about this, or just simply never leave them there unsupervised? I don't think my husband will even let me broach the subject with them because he has already hinted that he doesn't want me discussing it with them. What do you guys think?
