Just wondering if any other parent can offer suggestions. My brother's only son is very bright, but has been steadily doing worse and worse in school. He was getting A's in elementary school, mostly B's in middle school, D's (and a rare C) in high school (he's a freshman.) The mother says he is doing fantastic, doing everything a 15-year-old should do. (As an example, she said he puts his clothes away when they come out of the dryer.)
But the very day she was praising him that way, she mentioned that the night prior, he had returned home at 4:30 am without contacting his parents. And it was a school-night as well as a week before Finals. Furthermore, upon return, he argued for 20 minutes that he didn't do anything wrong.
Something to know:
- My nephew is bright. However, I don't think he's as bright as he and his parents believe (They all believe he is smarter than all his teachers and everyone else he has ever been in contact with.) His mother encourages this mentality--she said it is good to boost his self-esteem----and because she truly believes it. Whenever he says that this classmates are "so stupid" because they didn't understand something that he did, his mother praises him for being "so smart" (without verifying anything.)
- Though he is bright, I don't believe that alone can carry one through high school when the work gets more demanding.
- I don't know if drugs or alcohol are involved but at this point, I don't think so.
What then is the reason they give for his D's in almost every class?
Answer:
(1). He says that he scores 100% in all this tests and exams, which the parents don't verify so I don't know if it's true or not. He says he gets all D's because he skips class and misses assignments so it pulls his final grade down.
(2). They say he's failing because "he's too smart" and the schoolwork isn't challenging and stimulating enough. The work is "BORING", "repetitive" and students are "always doing the same thing."
1. English: He has to write an essay every 3-4 weeks, thus it's "always doing the same thing" (even though the subject matter is different.) She says: "He just needs to write one essay to knows how to write, he's not like other students who have to practice writing many essays. I read what he wrote and it was fabulous." When that fabulous piece won him a "D", she never wondered why. (She also never attended college so may not be a good judge.)
2. Math: Since math homework involves practicing similar problems to ensure proficiency, that again is "always doing the same thing."
3. Foreign language studies: Learning vocabulary and grammar means "always doing the same thing" and is "boring,"
4. Social studies: reading, answering questions, doing research, and writing papers means "always doing the same thing".
(3). They say he's failing because they don't have money to send him to a private school which would challenge him more. I pointed out that his public high school, one of the best in the nation, offers many honors and AP classes. She says he signs up for them---though of course he can't get into them with D's. Furthermore, which good private school with a challenging curriculum will accept a boy with almost all D's??
The boy's father (my brother) has a passive nature, and leaves child-rearing to his wife because he works 12-hour-days to make ends meet. She is a stay-at-home mom.
They ask me for help when there's a problem in school, but when I try to figure out what is going on so I can help, I bang against this thick wall of denial. I dearly, dearly love my nephew and am afraid that he is turning into a narcissist (if he isn't already one.) Teenagers already have narcissistic tendencies, and think they are better and smarter than everyone else. Here, the parents also think the same, and encourage that grandios mentality. Parents and child are equally convinced that all problems are someone else's fault, especially the teachers, the principal, the school district....the list goes on.
Anyone has any ideas, please??
But the very day she was praising him that way, she mentioned that the night prior, he had returned home at 4:30 am without contacting his parents. And it was a school-night as well as a week before Finals. Furthermore, upon return, he argued for 20 minutes that he didn't do anything wrong.
Something to know:
- My nephew is bright. However, I don't think he's as bright as he and his parents believe (They all believe he is smarter than all his teachers and everyone else he has ever been in contact with.) His mother encourages this mentality--she said it is good to boost his self-esteem----and because she truly believes it. Whenever he says that this classmates are "so stupid" because they didn't understand something that he did, his mother praises him for being "so smart" (without verifying anything.)
- Though he is bright, I don't believe that alone can carry one through high school when the work gets more demanding.
- I don't know if drugs or alcohol are involved but at this point, I don't think so.
What then is the reason they give for his D's in almost every class?
Answer:
(1). He says that he scores 100% in all this tests and exams, which the parents don't verify so I don't know if it's true or not. He says he gets all D's because he skips class and misses assignments so it pulls his final grade down.
(2). They say he's failing because "he's too smart" and the schoolwork isn't challenging and stimulating enough. The work is "BORING", "repetitive" and students are "always doing the same thing."
1. English: He has to write an essay every 3-4 weeks, thus it's "always doing the same thing" (even though the subject matter is different.) She says: "He just needs to write one essay to knows how to write, he's not like other students who have to practice writing many essays. I read what he wrote and it was fabulous." When that fabulous piece won him a "D", she never wondered why. (She also never attended college so may not be a good judge.)
2. Math: Since math homework involves practicing similar problems to ensure proficiency, that again is "always doing the same thing."
3. Foreign language studies: Learning vocabulary and grammar means "always doing the same thing" and is "boring,"
4. Social studies: reading, answering questions, doing research, and writing papers means "always doing the same thing".
(3). They say he's failing because they don't have money to send him to a private school which would challenge him more. I pointed out that his public high school, one of the best in the nation, offers many honors and AP classes. She says he signs up for them---though of course he can't get into them with D's. Furthermore, which good private school with a challenging curriculum will accept a boy with almost all D's??
The boy's father (my brother) has a passive nature, and leaves child-rearing to his wife because he works 12-hour-days to make ends meet. She is a stay-at-home mom.
They ask me for help when there's a problem in school, but when I try to figure out what is going on so I can help, I bang against this thick wall of denial. I dearly, dearly love my nephew and am afraid that he is turning into a narcissist (if he isn't already one.) Teenagers already have narcissistic tendencies, and think they are better and smarter than everyone else. Here, the parents also think the same, and encourage that grandios mentality. Parents and child are equally convinced that all problems are someone else's fault, especially the teachers, the principal, the school district....the list goes on.
Anyone has any ideas, please??
