my 4 yr old son always loved going shopping,parks,places,ect..past month,,he wont leave the house,when we try to get him in the car,,he cries,,hyperventilates,the whole 9 yards,,so we give in,and he stays home..so me,my husband and him,,cant all go places at once..one of us always has to stay home with him..my sister said he will out grow it..i dont know if i should take him kicking and screaming,,or let him decide when he wants to go places again?help..anyone gone through this? what do i do?i have tryed bribes with toys,games ect..he will say..you go buy me that and bring it home..he wont go..any help will be appreciated..
PLs Help!my 4 yr old wont leave the house,wants to stay home,never go anywhere...
- Thread starter robin480az
- Start date
If it happened all of a sudden I'd be interested to know if anything unusual happened. A fender bender, someone close to you pass away, someone bully him somewhere? Sounds to me like he's scared of something.
I agree with M2all. if this came on suddenly something must have happened. I'm not an expert, but I would think that he's too young for panic attacks or even agoraphobia. Regardless, I don't think I'd wait for him to outgrow it if it is as bad as it sounds. I'd consult an expert.
I agree with the above. It seems obvious to me that something had to have happened that scared him. No way this just came out of nowhere. I have a four year old and if he started doing that I'd be worried as heck. I'd be at the doctor, the psychiatrist, wherever I had to go to find out what was wrong and what happened to my kid! He is definitely scared of something!
Now if for SOME crazy reason I'm wrong about that, the only thing I could think of alternatively would be to tell him that you're going somewhere he wants to be and talk it up to make him want to come. Something you can't bring home. "Oh Mommy is going to the park today! It is going to be soooo fun! I'm going to swing on the swings and go down the slide and play in the sandbox! Too bad you wont come play with me." or "I am going to the Chuck E Cheese now to drive all the race cars and play all the cool games and ride all the fun rides! This is going to be GREAT!! I sure wish I could bring you with me!"
Even if he doesn't react at first (which if he doesn't, something is REALLY WRONG) then when you pretend to go without him anyway, come home and tell him how great it was (even if you only actually went grocery shopping lol) and tell him all about it. He will want to come next time. And yes I realize this is going out of your way if in fact he does decide to come with you, because that means you have to go to the park or wherever, but I would say that it's worth a couple of special trips to get him to come out of this.
Good luck!
Now if for SOME crazy reason I'm wrong about that, the only thing I could think of alternatively would be to tell him that you're going somewhere he wants to be and talk it up to make him want to come. Something you can't bring home. "Oh Mommy is going to the park today! It is going to be soooo fun! I'm going to swing on the swings and go down the slide and play in the sandbox! Too bad you wont come play with me." or "I am going to the Chuck E Cheese now to drive all the race cars and play all the cool games and ride all the fun rides! This is going to be GREAT!! I sure wish I could bring you with me!"
Even if he doesn't react at first (which if he doesn't, something is REALLY WRONG) then when you pretend to go without him anyway, come home and tell him how great it was (even if you only actually went grocery shopping lol) and tell him all about it. He will want to come next time. And yes I realize this is going out of your way if in fact he does decide to come with you, because that means you have to go to the park or wherever, but I would say that it's worth a couple of special trips to get him to come out of this.
Good luck!
It's quite common, a lot of children at that age have a fear of being left in a shop etc or generally being forgotten about outside of the home.
It is a sort of second type of separation anxiety, its mainly just a case of waiting for them and to not make a fuss, children focus on one small thing very easily, its important not to stress that you wont leave him as a lot of children would just be focusing on the word "leave" instead of "not".
Two-six is the big period of irrational fear in children, they get scared of all sorts, being children they often choose something a little odd, there was a little girl at our school who couldn't use the dressing up box as she had developed a fear of washing baskets. They seem completely weird and strange to us, but to a child it seems completely reasonable, but it we cannot get back into their mind set
It is a sort of second type of separation anxiety, its mainly just a case of waiting for them and to not make a fuss, children focus on one small thing very easily, its important not to stress that you wont leave him as a lot of children would just be focusing on the word "leave" instead of "not".
Two-six is the big period of irrational fear in children, they get scared of all sorts, being children they often choose something a little odd, there was a little girl at our school who couldn't use the dressing up box as she had developed a fear of washing baskets. They seem completely weird and strange to us, but to a child it seems completely reasonable, but it we cannot get back into their mind set
as i look back,it was 2 days after xmas,we went to a few stores,they were packed with ppl,and i remember saying to him..stay close to me,there is too many ppl and i dont want you to get lost...so i may have cause this,not knowing.....thanks for all the reply..i was reading a lot last night and i agree its a form of separation anxiety,kids can have it with regards to being clingy to mom and dad as well as their home..today i told my son its a nice warm day lets go in the stroller,,he said ok..but dont go far..so we walked and i said..oh..lets stop at the store for a snack,so he had no problem going into the market,then i said..oh right down the street is the park..so we went..he did say a few times..your going too far..so i took his mind off of it..showing him the birds,planes,ect..then i said see,theres the park..we stayed for 2 hours..he had fun..i told him..see i like to stay home too,,but its also fun to go places,and have fun...so hopefully..things are better..thanks to all your replys....
Awww, yeah sounds like the crazy Christmas shopping must have scared him! I can see how a child would be afraid of getting lost and whatnot. I'm so glad to hear that he came out of the house for you! Sounds like you two had a good time. I think that this is a very good first step to helping him get back to normal. 
Funny reading this again made me remember being about 6 and dreaming that a big monkey hit my Mom and Dad with a big bone and killed them. It was a cartoon style dream that was ridicules but wouldn't you know I didn't want to go to a zoo until I was grown because I thought monkeys would kill my parents! You never know what kids will perceive as dangerous.
Hi,
I think your sister is right. I think he will grow out of it. I have a 5 year old and she won't leave me or my wires side at all. But she is now starting to grow out of this stage. One thing you may consider. I know it sounds weird but may help. Is to let him watch cartoons or even movies that will make him think leaving home is fun and being around others with you and your husband can me fun. Start maybe by taking him for walks in the park. At least if he kicks and screams it will be in the neighborhood. Just something to think about. Or maybe just ask him what's bothering him from going out. He mite tell you. Maybe if you have family his age. Ask them to come stay the night and see if he will leave with them. You cannot stop trying. Something sill work.
I hope this helps you.
I think your sister is right. I think he will grow out of it. I have a 5 year old and she won't leave me or my wires side at all. But she is now starting to grow out of this stage. One thing you may consider. I know it sounds weird but may help. Is to let him watch cartoons or even movies that will make him think leaving home is fun and being around others with you and your husband can me fun. Start maybe by taking him for walks in the park. At least if he kicks and screams it will be in the neighborhood. Just something to think about. Or maybe just ask him what's bothering him from going out. He mite tell you. Maybe if you have family his age. Ask them to come stay the night and see if he will leave with them. You cannot stop trying. Something sill work.
I hope this helps you.
Wow this is quite a situation, but I say first of all, don't bribe. When you bribe you're telling him that you agree that what he's about to go through is bad/hard/unenjoyable but if he 'stick it out' he will get a reward for his 'sufferings' so I never use bribes.
I also would just explain to him that you love him very very much and would never let anything happen to him. I'd even ask what he thinks might happen or if anything HAS happened that was bad to him when he left the house. (You never know.)
Then I would maybe start by bringing him by the door or windows and just looking out to see all the pretty things, or fun things there are out in the world. I'd show excitement about birds, people, etc. Do this for a few days. Next I'd have him stand out on the stoop or right outside the door and have an ice cream and just look outside, feel the fresh air, etc. Then I'd show him videos of kids playing parks, on swings, going down slides, carnivals etc and tell him how you know of a great park/carnival/ etc you want to show him.
See if this works and if all else fails, yes, I'd bring him kicking and screaming because children are not meant to control our lives. Once that happens, it's all downhill from there.
Hope this helps!
Be well,
Be at Peace,
-Jessica
I also would just explain to him that you love him very very much and would never let anything happen to him. I'd even ask what he thinks might happen or if anything HAS happened that was bad to him when he left the house. (You never know.)
Then I would maybe start by bringing him by the door or windows and just looking out to see all the pretty things, or fun things there are out in the world. I'd show excitement about birds, people, etc. Do this for a few days. Next I'd have him stand out on the stoop or right outside the door and have an ice cream and just look outside, feel the fresh air, etc. Then I'd show him videos of kids playing parks, on swings, going down slides, carnivals etc and tell him how you know of a great park/carnival/ etc you want to show him.
See if this works and if all else fails, yes, I'd bring him kicking and screaming because children are not meant to control our lives. Once that happens, it's all downhill from there.
Hope this helps!
Be well,
Be at Peace,
-Jessica
alot of young kids get anxiety. sometimes it lasts into adulthood.(black friday shopping was the start of mine when i was little) sometimes its something they just grow out of. my 16mo doesnt like to go anywhere noisy(even though with 5 kids its relativly noisy at home) he will walk around with his hands over his ears and cry. after he sees other kids playing and he gets used to it hes fine. perhaps finding him a play friend would help too.
I agree! Is there a family therapist in your area that you could talk to about the situation? I wouldn't wait for this stage to pass.MomoJA said: