What I got from this, is that he is pointing out factors that can make a child more vulnerable to forming addictions, and how parents can best deal with it. This is why I wanted to share it - I think very few parents are aware of what makes their children vulnerable, and that leads to many being completely blind-sided when a child gets caught up in some form of addictive behaviour (it is interesting that he doesn't only address addiction to substances)
Incogneato said:
The doctor/author says that addiction starts in childhood and continues into adulthood and addiction plays a role in illness (i'm assuming he meant medical iilness).
<I> I can only agree partly with that statement, in that it depends on the person, their level of addiction, what they are addicted to, their other habits, and many other factors. I'll say it does play a role, but how big of a role changes with many other factors.</I>
That is very much how I also understood it. I agree with addiction starting in childhood, or at least the tendency developing in childhood. And I don't think he means parents are to blame, merely that certain personality-traits, that develop in childhood, leaves the person more vulnerable. We need to recognise these things, and help them develop the skills they will need to cope with it.
I have to say, I find his statement that addiction plays a role in ALL illness a bit strange. I have a mental picture of a GP saying "Mmm, so you have the flu - what are you addicted to that caused this?" LOL.
Incogneato said:
The doctor/author says there are basic addictions which many of us don't recognize, such as someone being a perfectionist, someone that avoids conflict or things, someone who is anxious, someone who always tries to please people or always trying to climb the social ladder...those are all patterns that are addictive. These patterns establish neediness.. for love, security, approval, etc. If you don't meet love/security/approval needs, it can lead to future addiction.
<I>I don't believe all of the above are addictions.. many of these could be linked to personality traits inherent in someone from birth or even due to psychological issues beyond a person's control.</I> <I>I will agree that you do try to meet certain needs, but I don't believe everyone either needs the same level of a certain need met, or even has the same exact needs.</I>
I don't believe that these are addictions either. However, I do believe that people who display these personality traits would be more prone to addiction, because of the underlying neediness. I know that perfectionism is a big risk-factor. Not being able to meet your own expectations, can so easily lead to feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem and even self-loathing. And then you discover a drug that makes you feel like superman, or, like the young man that called in, you realise that you can accomplish things you cannot accomplish in real life, in a virtual world, and you find your self-worth in a computer-game instead... I think that, for instance, teaching a child that failing to meat one goal does not mean you ARE a failure, can go a long way towards mitigating this specific risk factor.
But of course, that is just one example.
Of course, you are also right in saying that every person is different. Many people can display these traits and still like happy, fulfilling lives. I just think that as parents, we should be aware of such risk-factors, should they show up in our children's lives.
Incogneato said:
The doctor/author says there are many different types of addictictions/behaviors, such as over eating / under eating / cravings for things such as Chocolate. Addiction to substances such as smoking, alcohol, caffeine, or illicit drugs. There can be addiction to violence or self abuse, such as biting nails, scratching, hair pulling, or cutting. Addiction or dependence to things such as TV, electronics, Internet, gaming, or chat. Things such as bullying can be addictive, as well as sexual things like porn, promiscuity, and prostitution.
<I>I would say that there is the possibility for addiction to some of these things, but in his case he is talking about children. In some cases, such as the biting nails, I'd call that a habit, or a tick..not an addiction In other cases such as the electronics like Internet or chat, I think it's unfair to call it an addiction seeing the Internet and chat such as Twitter, are become so engrained in our everyday life and culture, as it's slowly becoming a social norm, so I don't see that as being an addiction. In all of these situations list above though, it comes down to the parents needing to take a larger role in their child's life. Have more talks with your children, monitor their behavior and become involved so that you can talk with them about what they are doing. I think addiction is a very hard thing to label. At what point would you consider someone addicted to something? There is no hard and set rule for going... "Well Timmy, you used the internet for 2 hours and 15 minutes today...clearly if you had stopped at 2 hours, and not had that extra 15 minutes, you would be fine..but that extra 15 minutes now classifies you as "addicted". </I>
I think all these things have the potential to become addictions if they get out of hand. Addiction is usually defined as the point where a certain substance or behaviour becomes detrimental to the person, yet the person finds him/herself unable to stop. I have to agree that nail-biting will have to be pretty extreme to meat this criteria, but something like the internet - if it reaches the point where the child has no "off-line" life anymore, and spends all his/her waking-hours glued to the screen, I would say yes, that is starting to look a lot like addiction. You are right - it is hard to label. And by the time it becomes obvious, it is often too late.
I guess it comes back to being aware of your child's needs, and to be involved and available, as you have said. I was very interested in how he advised the mother that called in, with the son who plays games all the time - that she should engage with him, communicate with him, and try to understand him, before trying to do anything about it.
Due the path I have walked in my life, I have spent a lot of time in the company of addicts. The addicts I have met came from all walks of life - rich, poor, broken and dysfunctional home, seemingly perfect homes, Christian, Muslim, atheist... I could go on forever. But they all had one thing in common - none of them were happy. All of them thought that there were something seriously wrong either with their lives, or with themselves, even before they because involved with drugs. That cannot possibly be a co-incidence...
