Punishment for a 15 year old...

[Dadu2004]

So, here's my thing.....

In alot (not all, but alot) of cases, the only thing the kid cares about is the extra-curricular activity, be it football, band, whatever. They love these things and school is on the side. So, you have to do what you have to do to make an impact on the situation. And, if that involves grounding from participating in marching band or whatever for 2 weeks then so be it. I was extremely involved in band in high school and if my parents grounded me from a performance, i wouldve been crushed. It woud've sent a swift and impactful message and woud've definately disuaded me from the wrong action in the future.

There's a situation that JUST happened to my wife's co-worker. Her son just got arrested for throwing a rock through a window and running from the police....he's 14 and LOVES playing football. He's now grounded from football for the rest of the season. He's crushed. Do you think that maybe he'll now think again before doing something like that? I would think so.

 

[AmyBelle]

I never snuck out as a kid. There was never a reason to climb out the window when the door was always open *shrugs*

I had nothing to rebel against dammit.

 

[Xero]

I also agree with that Dadu.

 

[Aunt]

you know kid the one thing I learnt waaaaay too late was that you can earn more freedom than you can steal. So suck it up this time and deal with the grounding with a minimum of fuss, that way you may actually impress grandma. Apologize to her and take the high ground even if you are sure you are right & she is far more likely to try and be fairer in the future.

If you really want to win brownie points when she evenually lets you out of the house the first time you go anywhere make a point of getting home about ten minutes before your cerfew.

Another tip I would give is never ever try and get other adults like your teachers to intervene. (Unless of course there is genuine abuse or violence involved) It is like a red rag to a bull and it makes the adult feel really defensive. When people are defensive they get mad & you find 1 weeks grounding is all of a sudden 2. By all means vent to another adult you trust but then leave it at that.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

well, i think that this particular child deserved to face some consequences.
on the other hand...
sports or music require practice. educators are working hard to teach those children something. grounding your child from practice maybe taking away the child's "fun", but definetly makes the educator's work much harder. if they have a performance coming, the conductor can't make an excuse, saying our band member has been punished, so the performance will be lousy.

 

[AmyBelle]

Which is all part of the responsibility of joining such group. If you know that your parents are likely to ground you from something like that, then you behave yourself, not only for your own obvious benefit, but for the sake of your team/band mates.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

let's say your child loves math or history. would you ground him/her from these classes at school, homework or exams? I wonder how teachers would react. sports and music is also education. so if you're sending your child to either of those, you also should take it seriously, not as some unimportant playtime. child may think so, but not a parent. if it's a necessity to make your child very sorry, anyway it shouldn't obstruct education.

 

[Dadu2004]

Certainly Natalie, I agree that Sports and Music provide education, but it's not in the same realm of math or history. I don't think you can really compare the 2. However, if you want to use that comparison....if there was a math competition, yes I would ground them from that.

 

[Aunt]

I have mixed feelings about banning extra curriculars. it is one of those chicken or egg debates. On one hand, kids do need to learn that you get to do the fun stuff by staying on the straight and narrow so if something they are passionate about is taken away for a little while when they screw up they are possibly more likely to think twice.
But on the other hand extra curriculars keep kids on the straight and narrow. When i started driving on my own adolescent highway to hell the first thing I quit was competitive swimming. Training and coaching was also a big part of my journey back to sanity.
So i guess I would agree that it is not an unreasonable penalty but one I would use sparingly and with consideration.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

Certainly Natalie, I agree that Sports and Music provide education, but it's not in the same realm of math or history. I don't think you can really compare the 2. However, if you want to use that comparison....if there was a math competition, yes I would ground them from that.

depends about what level we're speaking. if it's some backyard kickball, then... whatever with it. but if your child has been seriously training, like for performance or competition, and then grounding -- what kind of lesson of responsibility and discipline does that teach? not to mention that's disrespectful to the coaches who've been working with your child.

 

[Dadu2004]

Honestly, I don't particularly care if it's disrespectful to the coaches...they're not my concern, my child is. And if the child has does something severe enough to warrant them missing what it is they've been training for, then so be it. They'll learn their lesson.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

Off topic: do extracurriculars cost money over there?

 

[Dadu2004]

Depends on the school district.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

then i guess the whole issue depends on that.

 

[Dadu2004]

Not for me, doesn't change a thing.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

if you'd been hiring a top-class class coach, or paying a reasonable sum of money that your child gets training, i think it would be your interested to see the results. and you would come up with another sort of punishment.
but if its free or a cost is symbolic, it is just a simple extracurricular activity of minimal importance.

 

[Dadu2004]

Sorry, but my child is more important than money. Teaching them a life lesson and how to act is worth losing $100.

 

[Xero]

I completely agree with literally everything Dadu has said. None of what you are saying makes any sense at all to me, TabascoNatalie.

The behavior and well-roundedness of my child means more to me than anything. No matter what the money or the "importance" missing out on an EXTRA curricular activity (definition - OUTSIDE of regular curricular, meaning NOT a music CLASS, or gym CLASS, but AFTER SCHOOL football or marching band, NOT REQUIRED FOR A FULL EDUCATION!!!!!!!!!!!) may cost, what my child needs to learn in life lessons is WAY. MORE. IMPORTANT. Like I said before, I would use it sparingly and with very careful judgement and only after nothing else has worked, but if it were important enough, I most certainly would.

Some stupid football team or $200 piano lesson is never going to get in the way of me raising my child. Hello?? And what the teachers think is not my problem, as they are getting paid to do what they do one way or another. Like Dadu said, my child should have thought about the way it would affect their team before they did the thing they did.

And it doesn't make a thread of sense to compare grounding from after school marching band to grounding from during school, required for graduation, history or math. Not only is that illegal, but it would do nothing but hurt your child's education. Why would anyone do that? Marching band and football is fun, and also fullfilling and disciplined and good for any kid, but not required. I didn't do any of that when I was in school. I actually was in Academic Decathlon, which was during and after school. I was a very good kid, but if I had deserved it, my mom would have grounded me from the after school part of that if she wanted to. Especially if I had bad grades. On that note however, we used to compete with schools all over the district including the Collegiate Academy (you had to be like special smart to get into that school) and I won the gold medal for the Essay portion of the competition once. I was always proud of that.

 

[TabascoNatalie]

No matter what the money or the "importance" missing out on an EXTRA curricular activity (definition - OUTSIDE of regular curricular, meaning NOT a music CLASS, or gym CLASS, but AFTER SCHOOL football or marching band, NOT REQUIRED FOR A FULL EDUCATION!!!!!!!!!!!)

let's call it a cultural difference.
where/when i was growing up, such things as music, sports, languages, arts -- weren't just for everyone. either it was <I>very</I> costly to attend, or only gifted kids were accepted. so if you're in, you're in for something, that may be your future career path.
that means if you're in football, you're training to be a professional footballer. if you're in music, they prepare you for the music academy.

Some stupid football team or $200 piano lesson is never going to get in the way of me raising my child. Hello??

you obviously don't consider raising your child to excell in sports or music, i mean, to professional level.
because it requires a great amount of discipline and hard work. a child may or may not fully understand this responsibility or always have motivation. so it's parents responsibility to keep them on the right track. but if a parent thinks it's just a "stupid football team". well then... maybe better that your child tries something that you don't see as stupid.

And it doesn't make a thread of sense to compare grounding from after school marching band to grounding from during school, required for graduation, history or math. Not only is that illegal, but it would do nothing but hurt your child's education. Why would anyone do that?

well, the point was made, that children should be punished accordingly to what they love the most. so that's why i said -- assume it's a certain class at school they love the most. here you understand, that is is education, and it must be taken seriously. my point was, that this kind of responsibility and discipline should apply to other educational activities, regardless that they aren't required on official level.

 

[Xero]

It all comes down to this: Its either, you care more about your child's well being and life lessons, OR you care more about marching band.

I pick my child's well being. You really pick marching band? Well, that's up to you, and I respect that. But you need to stop forcing your opinion on people. You are not wrong, and I am not wrong. We are two different people. We feel a different way. How many times must you be warned not to be so aggressive? Going as far as to insult my parenting by saying "you obviously don't consider raising your child to excell in sports or music, i mean, to professional level. because it requires a great amount of discipline and hard work."

Its none of your frickin business how I "consider" raising MY children.

I think its incredibly unrealistic that you think marching band should get in the way of real life, to the point where you would actually try to fight with me about it. You said what you think, I said I didn't agree. This is EXACTLY what you just recieved an infraction for. If you continue to behave like this by disregaurding my warnings it could result in the banning of your profile. I don't want to do that, but its like you're trying to purposefully do exactly what I asked you not to. Why don't you give some friendly conversation, or useful advice a try??? This will be the last time I ask you.